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  1. Today
  2. When encountering critiques of Objectivism, I've found the idea of holding an idea without accepting it both very powerful and very true to life. The following two quotes express it for me: "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle "At the root of every significant philosophic theory, there is a legitimate issue." - Ayn Rand I have found this true in work for example. If I encounter difficult systems or difficult interpersonal interactions, rather than trying to escape or deny them, I have found it much more helpful to approach them and work towards understanding them. This isn't quite the same as accepting or resigning myself to them - ultimately I may seek to influence and change them. But it's more about being willing to begin with perceiving and conceptualising them in my own mind, in a way that integrates with the sum of my knowledge. Likewise, in encountering critiques of Objectivism, I've been trying to understand any critique, and the ideas behind it, as clearly as possible. I don't see this as a fruitless exercise, but rather, understanding that there is likely to be some very real and important issue underlying the critique, I try to probe beneath the surface to uncover that issue. The resolution to that issue, if someone has discovered it, might come out of Objectivism, or it might come out of some other school of thought or area of knowledge. Holding a metaphysics of objective reality, I don't see any ideas as completely groundless, having just arbitrarily arisen out of some kind of 'nothingness'. Unicorns don't exist. But neither are they entirely arbitrary and groundless. Rather, they combine, in an imaginative way, elements of perception, which themselves do come out of reality (horses, horns, etc).
  3. Just a reminder of what's going on...or at least what you said is going on: you cut off contact with this person without an explanation. You might want to start the process of re-establishing contact with an explanation for your bizarre behavior, instead of any questions. I would suggest a well composed, written explanation. One in which you assume full responsibility for everything that happened, without being overly dramatic. Good luck: it's a big hole you dug yourself into.
  4. Yesterday
  5. Nicky

    Why are men's clothing so boring?

    If anything, it should be the other way around: women should stop decorating themselves on a daily basis, too. I'm not opposed to the practice, for men or women, but it's a waste of time when done daily. There is no reason why women should only ever leave the house "decorated". And, indeed, women I know who are productive don't waste their time with that. My boss (a woman...she's also my favorite boss of all time) dresses in the same exact, simple clothes every day. She commands the respect and admiration of people around her through her actions, instead of her appearance (not that there's anything wrong with her appearance, it's just plain compared to how most women walk around). She does wear heels, a dress, makeup, etc. but only for special occasions, never for work or casual outings.
  6. JASKN

    Why are men's clothing so boring?

    Like this? XD Even most gays aren't that adventurous with their day to day clothing choices, which suggests to me it's something inherent to men to not get that fancy with their garb, within a given cultural context. There's an ongoing joke that women like clothes that men think are stupid. I'd guess that the "celebrating natural beauty" style is donned for the eye of men, not women. An eye motivated by sexual desire yields different results than an eye motivated by neat patterns and silhouettes.
  7. The questions you suggest are wildly inappropriate. A better idea: Presumably, you know something of the activities she likes. Research those activities to find one that you and she can do as a couple. Suggest an outing. (My ex was way into arts and crafts. Our first "date" was at a crafts fair. She had a blast; I merely tolerated it. But it showed, in action, my interest in her as a person.) Failing that, there's the old standby: "Would you like to do lunch (or dinner)?" It's as simple as that. How she responds will tell you all that you need to know.
  8. by Jason Stotts In case you haven’t heard of it yet, Harvard Psychologist Steven Pinker has a new book out defending the enlightenment and the progress that humanity has made since then called “Enlightenment Now”. The blurb for it is: Is the world really falling apart? Is the ideal of progress obsolete? In this elegant assessment of the human condition in the third millennium, cognitive scientist and public intellectual Steven Pinker urges us to step back from the gory headlines and prophecies of doom, which play to our psychological biases. Instead, follow the data: In seventy-five jaw-dropping graphs, Pinker shows that life, health, prosperity, safety, peace, knowledge, and happiness are on the rise, not just in the West, but worldwide. This progress is not the result of some cosmic force. It is a gift of the Enlightenment: the conviction that reason and science can enhance human flourishing. Far from being a naïve hope, the Enlightenment, we now know, has worked. But more than ever, it needs a vigorous defense. The Enlightenment project swims against currents of human nature–tribalism, authoritarianism, demonization, magical thinking–which demagogues are all too willing to exploit. Many commentators, committed to political, religious, or romantic ideologies, fight a rearguard action against it. The result is a corrosive fatalism and a willingness to wreck the precious institutions of liberal democracy and global cooperation. With intellectual depth and literary flair, Enlightenment Now makes the case for reason, science, and humanism: the ideals we need to confront our problems and continue our progress. The book does a great job showing how much progress we have made and that the world is getting better everyday. This is an important message at a time when all we hear is how things are coming apart at the seams. While I do have some reservations about the book (which Robert Tracinski does a better job of discussing that I likely would have), I do think it’s a worthwhile read and worth picking up. Link to Original
  9. A criminal, not a capitalist. (Image via Wikipedia.)Notable Commentary "[C]onservatives would do well to offer what Ocasio-Cortez can only pretend to: real concern for our problems, the freedom to find the best solutions, and a moral commitment to capitalism." -- Gus Van Horn, in "When They Reduce It to 'Cost,' Conservatives Lose Fight Against Socialism" at RealClear Markets. "Fortunately, there are organizations like the Institute of Justice working hard to reverse this trend of pointless and counterproductive licensing laws." -- Paul Hsieh, in "How Licensing Laws Harm Mothers, Infants, and Lactation Consultants" at Forbes. "The t-shirts that says, 'American Capitalist' on the front, with a target printed on the back ... was born after the Madoff scandal, when suddenly every American profit-seeking capitalist was assumed to be up to no good." -- Jonathan Hoenig, in "Jonathan Hoenig: Capitalist Pig, Ayn Rand Fan, Highly Successful Manager" (Interview, 2014) at ThinkAdvisor. "The currently-prevailing view of the dollar as money, has its own Medieval retrograde motion to explain." -- Keith Weiner, in "Monetary Consequence of Tariffs" at SNB & CHF. -- CAV Link to Original
  10. In my case the girl did show interest at one point, but I think she’s since lost it and that I am now in the podcast person’s position. I don’t know how to approach finding out. My strategy was going to be to stay away from her for at least a few weeks before contacting her again (we’re now at one week with no contact). I also need to get my life together and get a job after being laid off. But once I’m able to do that, how would I approach her? “What happened before?” ”Are you still interested?” “Are you with anyone presently?”
  11. Nerian

    Why are men's clothing so boring?

    Sorry for necroposting but I don't wan to start a new damn thread just to reply. I had the exact same thought recently and found this thread through google. (coincidentally, I'm already a member here) Male fashion is so boring. Men in our culture tend to be very utilitarian. Suits are all the same. If you're lucky you get an interesting tie or one colour other than white, black or grey. I've decided there's no good reason why men shouldn't or couldn't decorate themselves and dress in interesting ways like women. If anything, the ancient Greeks would be disappointed to see only women celebrating their natural beauty.
  12. Last week
  13. In "Democratic Socialism Is Totalitarian Slavery," a remarkable essay at Medium, S.G. Cheah builds an inductive and very readable case for capitalism and against socialism. I'll present two excerpts here, the first as an example of how she builds her case: Making everyone into slaves is ... a way ... to do away with slave markets. But I'd prefer doing away with slavery, thank you very much. (Image via Wikipedia.)It is important for people to learn the connection between property rights as being directly protected by liberty, and how this connection ensures life. To help picture this clearly, think of yourself as Robinson Crusoe. Or Tom Hanks in Cast Away. Or if you're talking to the very young, Matt Damon in The Martian. These fictional characters illustrate this bond between property and life. When these castaways were shipwrecked alone, the only choices presented to them is either to survive or to perish. In order to live, they will have to employ the use of their mind and direct their body to produce the necessary requirement of survival: shelter, water, food. Socialist Guilt Tripping A socialist will bring up the example: imagine if a year later, another castaway is stranded on the same patch of land as you. Don't you have the moral obligation to share your shelter, water and food with him? The answer to this is not "yes you're obligated morally to share" nor "no, you're not obligated morally to share", but rather, the correct answer is: "you shall decide". Why is "you shall decide" the right answer? It is because the shelter, water and food you've created is a product of your mind and body, which is an extension to your very life. The laws of survival which applies to you when you were first shipwrecked applies to the new castaway, as well.... [format edits]Almost anyone who has sought advice on writing has heard the maxim, "Show, don't tell." Much of what you'll find in this essay is a good example of putting that advice into practice. Cheah builds up in her closing to what ought to become a rallying cry against Bernie Sanders and his acolyte, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: In their narrative, Democratic Socialism might not be a logical nor is it even a reasonable way to organize society. This is why they brazenly brush away and ignore the many economic and historic evidence of its consistent failure. Rather, their argument is built upon on how Socialism is the moral system politically because it is the system which "takes care of the needy in society", even if that outcome is just a pipe dream. Fortunately what you, the vigilant and the informed, have in your arsenal is more powerful, because you can address this farce with both logic and morality on your side. Now that you understand the principles behind property rights as being indispensable to life and liberty, you can properly address the perils of Democratic Socialism. Socialism's goal is to eradicate the power of private property. Without control over your own private property, you will not hold any power on your own life and liberty. The threat of slavery is how you should advocate against socialism. Let it be said, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wants socialism, and Socialism is slavery. In truth, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez advocates for slavery. [emphasis in original]Thank you, Ms. Cheah, and I hope I have persuaded a few more people to read this piece. (The site estimates it to be a ten minute read.) -- CAV Link to Original
  14. About four years ago, I commented on the ridiculous amount of time the FAA was taking to make a ruling that could clarify the legal status of an Uber-like general aviation app: For anyone who subscribes to the notion that we need the government to monitor and regulate every last move we make, I ask this question: "If the government is supposed to be so wise and powerful, why can't it answer even a simple question like this one in the more-than-ample time it gave itself?" This is not to frame the issue of government regulation as a matter of mere competence, although it is an interesting way of considering that issue. As it turns out, the wisdom of the FAA is even less impressive than its speed: Flytenow, the company behind the app, has had to push for legislation just so pilots and passengers can take advantage of electronic communications to share expenses for private flights: ... For decades, private pilots have been legally sharing flying expenses with passengers. For pilots, flight-sharing defrays the high costs of flying, and for passengers, it's an alternative way to reach a destination or experience flying in a private plane. Image via Wikipedia.In 2013, we founded Flytenow, an Internet-based, flight-sharing startup offering an online bulletin board to facilitate cost-sharing arrangements between pilots and passengers. By showing a pilot’s qualifications, confirming them with the Federal Aviation Administration, and enabling both parties to connect via social media and direct messaging, we created a safe, efficient method of flight-sharing that can help pilots defray the costs of aircraft operation and ownership by as much as 75 percent. That was, until the FAA ruled in mid-2014 that any pilot using the Internet to communicate had to comply with the same regulations applicable to commercial airlines. With that ruling, flight-sharing in the U.S. came to an abrupt halt, ...This is a ridiculous intrusion on individual rights, and should be scrapped, along with the FAA, whose job a professional standards body ought to perform, anyway. Flyetnow is pushing legislation in Congress, but I am saddened to see that it is based on the following "guiding principle:" A pilot should be able to communicate to an audience of any size using whatever means he or she chooses to share a flight, including the Internet, so long as the flight is not for profit. [bold added]I suppose it is possible that some aspect of the regulatory or political landscape makes this the best they can get in the current circumstances. Barring that, this sounds more like a plea for permission than a demand that the government do its job, which is to protect individual rights. Although the FAA is unlikely to be devolved from the government any time soon, it has no business blatantly violating right to contract for any purpose, and particularly when someone's ability to earn a living is at stake. This article, by the cofounders of Flytenow, speaks of this bill as possibly saving general aviation in the United States. Maybe so, but unless pilots are free to profit from these arrangements if they wish, general aviation will remain on life support -- as will freedom. Whether the founders are being less ambitious than they should or think this is all they can get, the fact remains that freedom is dying in its cradle, and this bill will not-quite-save an industry that would thrive if it were set fully free. -- CAV Link to Original
  15. My initial reaction is to interpret it as saying that we determine our own future. It is up to us to make the best future we can for ourselves, and not to make any excuses. The line that follows seems to say that the best results tend to take time to achieve.
  16. The municipalities of Silicon Valley have decided to stop letting tech companies offer their own employees free lunches in any new facilities they build. Demonstrating complete ignorance of both why people run businesses and the purpose of government, the executive director of the Golden Gate Restaurant Association explains why she supports such government meddling: "With food being provided for free ... there's no competition in terms of choice, nor a reason for employees to leave their building," Borden said. "Perhaps that's great social engineering to get employees to work longer hours and never leave their offices, but it doesn't do much to support the city around them." Image via Unsplash.Whatever one might think of "social engineering", it doesn't hold a candle to the central planning Borden seems so fond of: At least these employers aren't threatening anyone with fines or imprisonment for participating in a particular kind of lunch arrangement. Government is supposed to protect freedom for everyone, making it possible for them to run a business or pursue any other activity that does not harm anyone else. By forcing "employees to leave the building" for a decent lunch, these laws are interfering with how many individuals plan their days. This will probably cause many to work less efficiently -- or stay at work later than they'd like, and perhaps eat out with their families less often during the week ... incidentally harming other restaurants. But that's beside the point. It's wrong to unleash the government on non-criminals for whatever purpose, no matter how kind one's stated intentions. -- CAV Link to Original
  17. by Jason Stotts It’s now been just over 6 months since Eros and Ethos: A New Theory of Sexual Ethics came out! I am happy to report that so far the book is selling well and the reviews have been good. To date, we are just shy of our 200th copy! Currently, most people are buying ebooks (75%), with the rest of the sales being paperbacks. Moreover, the reviews have been really wonderful with a score of 4.5 out of 5 and 13 reviews (the overall score was brought down by 1 negative and unsubstantial review). Here are just a couple of the really nice things people are saying: “Get ready for the first part of a very thoughtful and enlightening ride. I can’t wait for the next installment to arrive!” “I was raised in a sex shaming household, and it is very difficult to live with conflicting thoughts about my own sexuality, desires, and societal pressures. This book is imperative for anyone struggling to reconcile their sexuality with morality.” “This is an important book for anyone seeking a rational approach to sex” “This was a fantastic book, an excellent purchase, and well worth my time.” “This is a vastly important (and possibly life-changing) book for anyone floundering and/or seeking growth and happiness within a romantic/erotic relationship.” “I’ve never read anything related to the topic of sex that addresses the subject so thoroughly, so positively, or so helpfully.” “Bottom line, an excellent addition to my library. Suitable for academics and laymen alike.” Go take a look at the full comments yourself, they’re amazingly kind and speak highly of the book. The audiobook has been delayed due to production issues, but I hope to find a new narrator soon (if you’re interested, let me know). No current ETA on the audiobook, but I’ll be sure to announce it when there’s something more definite. Overall, I’ve very happy with the launch and I hope that the sales keep climbing as new people read the book and recommend it to their friends. If you’ve already read the book, please take a second to leave a review, it makes a big difference and I love seeing them. Link to Original
  18. I can't make full sense of this quote but I like it for some reason... I'm looking for an interpretation that would sound rational even if it wasn't intended to be that way Tupac says, "Though things change, the future's still inside of me" What could he mean by, "The future's still inside of me"? Here is the context of the quote: In this game, the lesson's in your eyes to seeThough things change, the future's still inside of meWe must remember that tomorrow comes after the darkSo you will always be in my heart, with unconditional loveIn this game, the lesson's in your eyes to seeThough things change, the future's still inside of meWe must remember that tomorrow comes after the dark Again, I'm looking for an interpretation that would sound rational even if it wasn't intended to be that way Radiohead also said something similar: "The future is inside usIt's not somewhere else"
  19. Over at the Manhattan Contrarian is a connection I've never seen made in the immigration debate -- between immigration and the distribution of congressional seats among states with more vs. fewer immigrants: Image via Wikipedia. Granted, the effect of this phenomenon only registers with the decennial census, and nothing about new immigration this year is going to affect the apportionment for the 2018 or 2020 elections. Nevertheless, the overall effect is that Democrats get to represent in Congress something in the range of 15 to 20 million non-citizen immigrants, without those immigrants ever needing to vote. As a rough approximation, this represents about 20 or so seats in Congress, and it could even go up somewhat after the next apportionment. This swing dwarfs any possible effect of actual illegal voting. [bold added]In my own thinking about immigration, I have long advocated reform of the process by which immigrants can become citizens. Should we also rethink how we apportion representation? It might help to consider the hypothetical situation of this "bump" being in support of whichever party you find most congenial to America's best interests. I haven't thought for long about the issue, so won't offer an opinion on it now. Having said that, I do find it worthwhile to recall something frequently missing from conversations about immigration. As I noted some time ago: [T]he real problem is the existence of the welfare state. Immigrants did not start socialized education. Immigrants did not force law-abiding emergency care personnel to accept non-paying customers. Immigrants did not make it illegal for some of us to ingest chemicals that others disapprove of. Americans, forgetting that their government was established to protect the rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, passed (and support) these laws. Americans chose to plunder each other's pockets and run each other's lives.The "freeloading" problem is one created by improper government rather than immigration. Likewise, the importance of apportioning our representation precisely might be less important were our government confined to its proper scope, leaving us less at the mercy of Democrats wanting to put their hands on our wallets, not to mention Republicans wanting to put their hands in our pants. In such a context, the strongest case I can imagine for representation reform along the lines the first quote suggests would be: Large numbers of immigrants in some area might sway voters one way or another on a foreign policy issue pertinent to an election. But I can see such an effect going either way, so even that case seems difficult to make. -- CAVLink to Original
  20. The context is different because the person in that podcast has a crush on a girl who had no romantic interest. In your context, it's a girl who did show interest, but you chose to do nothing. The advice there kind of presumes that you acted on your feelings and were honest about them, enough so to figure out what the other person thinks. Are you looking to talk about something specific? Or are you looking for advice?
  21. http://www.peikoff.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/2011-12-12.194_D.mp3 http://www.peikoff.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/2011-04-25.161_A.mpp3
  22. Earlier
  23. Nicky

    Reblogged:Delimiting Required

    a one-day meeting ------------- An all day meeting? Dear sweet God. I hope the windows were locked, to keep people from jumping.
  24. ARI has just uploaded all of Peikoff's FHF lectures, with the Q&A's, to YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/user/AynRandInstitute/videos?disable_polymer=1 This one was of interest to me, not for the lecture (it's the same as what Rand delivered) but for the material before and after concerning her illness and death. It's been available before, but I'd never heard it.
  25. Blog Roundup 1. At Roots of Progress, Jason Crawford explores the transition, during the nineteenth century, away from the use of biological sources for many common materials. (He provides interesting synopses for ivory, fertilizer, fuels for lighting and smelting, and shellac.) The humpback whale, an unsustainable source of industrial feedstocks, in either sense of the term. (Image via Pixabay.)These are just a handful of examples. There are many other biomaterials we once relied on -- rubber, silk, leather and furs, straw, beeswax, wood tar, natural inks and dyes -- that have been partially or fully replaced by synthetic or artificial substitutes, especially plastics, that can be derived from mineral sources. They had to be replaced, because the natural sources couldn't keep up with rapidly increasing demand. The only way to ramp up production -- the only way to escape the Malthusian trap and sustain an exponentially increasing population while actually improving everyone's standard of living -- was to find new, more abundant sources of raw materials and new, more efficient processes to create the end products we needed. As you can see from some of these examples, this drive to find substitutes was often conscious and deliberate, motivated by an explicit understanding of the looming resource crisis. In short, plant and animal materials had become unsustainable. [bold added, link omitted]His exploration of the very common misuse of that last word is as timely as the rest of his post is interesting. 2. In "Sully vs Sully," the proprietor of You Can and Did Build That compares the book to the movie and finds the former far more profitable in terms of understanding the heroism of Sully Sullenberger, who famously saved all his passengers by landing his aircraft on the Hudson in 2009. [T]he passionate pursuit of excellence in a career, the commitment to a lifetime of choices directed at acquiring knowledge and improving one's skills, is as far from "selfless" as could be imagined. Sully's choices (including an awareness of his own motivations and self-critical appraisal of his own near misses) represent the creation of a self. Only devotion to one's own chosen goals over the span of decades could result in a man becoming the kind of person, the kind of character or self, who could accomplish what he did on the Hudson. [emphasis in original]Although I think I rate the movie higher than he does, I found the discussion of the kind of context required to evaluate an action quite enlightening. 3. At New Ideal, Ben Bayer of the Ayn Rand Institute argues that the "Trump-Kim Summit Betrays Victims of Dictatorship." The entire post is worth reading, but I think presenting two paragraphs of it in quick succession might show why. Bayer opens: In a video that went viral in October 2014, Yeonmi Park gave an emotional speech about her escape from North Korea. She recounts how she was nine years old when she witnessed the public execution of her friend's mother, thirteen when she saw her mother raped as the price for escaping the country, and fourteen when she had to bury her father secretly in China. [links in original]Later, comes the following after he notes Ayn Rand's commentary about Richard Nixon's 1972 meeting with Mao Zedong: Every word of this applies to Trump's meeting with Kim. This time the president has not only shaken hands with the dictator but has gone further by calling him "very talented" and a "funny guy" with a "great personality" who "loves his people." Asked whether it was wise to sit down with a killer, the most Trump could bring himself to disparage about Kim was to say "it is a rough situation over there." Asked how Kim could love his people and oppress them, Trump said "he's doing what he's seen done." [links in original]Regarding Trump's last remark in light of what Yeonmi Park and other North Koreans have "seen done," this is outrageous. That said, Trump doesn't own all of the blame for it. As unprincipled and coarse as he is, Trump is regurgitating (and acting on) the same kind of garbage leftists have spewed about criminals for the past few decades. But the juxtaposition should illustrate how disgusting this stew of determinism and moral relativism really is. Obscene notions left unquestioned lead to obscene actions. 4. At Separate!, Anders Ingemarson takes the impending Supreme Court nomination battleas his cue to consider an interesting question: With the range of views being closer to a bell curve than what media talking heads would like us to believe, is there an opportunity for breaking the supposed deadlock and come to some level of mutual understanding? Perhaps not tomorrow, next year or in a decade, but maybe in a generation? [bold added]This comes after a quick review of American polling data and a look at a couple of historical instances of religious people accommodating scientific discoveries in the West. I'm not as sanguine as he, but he raises good points to remember should Brett Kavanaugh be named to the Supreme Court. -- CAV Link to Original
  26. Not sure if this was the right decision, but today I asked her to remove me from the group text. Doing so will sever my main connection to her since she doesn’t talk to me 1-1 anymore. I hadn’t texted in there in a week, and people started asking where I was, so I had to take a stand. I lied every time I said I wanted to be friends.
  27. I'm going to limit myself to a single idea, which I suggest you repeat over and over to yourself like a mantra: If you don't get this area of your life handled, sorted, managed and mastered, you are in for a very unhappy life. You'll not only make yourself miserable, but crazy as well. From what you've written here, it seems like you're well on the way. You talk about driving past this girl's house to check on the cars parked outside? I don't know if that's immoral per se, but it sure is loony as hell. You come across in your posts as very young, totally inexperienced (you admit as much), and utterly, absolutely naïve about women and relationships. This is not a crime, but also it's not a state you want to remain in for long. While you're crushing on and obsessing over this one particular girl, the reality is she is of no significance whatsoever. You think (or rather, you feel) that she is someone extremely important, when in fact she is nobody, irrelevant to the big picture. The important person here is YOU. You need to focus on improving yourself, bettering yourself, and above all gaining a mature sense of emotional perspective, particularly where sexual emotions are involved. In short, you need to make yourself into the kind of man who doesn't get irrationally obsessed with girls like this. Now that I've beaten you up, let me say there isn't a man reading your posts who can't sympathize with you, at least a little. Fortunately for some of us, your story serves as a reminder of our distant past. For others, the pain you describe is like an experience out of the movie Groundhog Day, something to be revisited and re-encountered again and again. The unfortunate reality is that most men never get this area of their lives handled, sorted, managed and mastered. They never really figure out sex. To the average man, sex — and its attendant features, such as attraction, masculinity and femininity, etc. — is always a bit of a mystery, which is why so many men make such humiliating wrecks of their sexual lives.
  28. this was not a personal question, the OP asks in the abstract. and he poses a new abstract question after the initial discussion on that one. even still, Eioul did start by asking questions! the other posts were good general advice. i don't see anywhere where someone has changed what they've said, even though when it finally did become personal (13 posts down the thread!), it clashed somewhat with the topic (as Nicky complained, not actually being an instance where the woman is known to be "unattainable"). a lot of interesting issues have been discussed here: the validity of "league" thinking, whether avoidance of pain should be a motivating factor in decisions, how much inferiority/superiority in certain aspects counts in a relationship pairing, the possibility of self-perception being off, the error involved in jealously vs taking responsibility for one's own emotions and outcomes, the importance of communication.. exactly what part of this do you wish had been avoided?
  29. I don't have any comments on this particular situation, but I'd like to note how much the advice and evaluations being given altered once more details were provided. I've seen this happen before on this forum - someone provides an initial description of what they think is going on in their personal life, advice is given, and then the advice changes once more context is provided. In the future, I would suggest a "fact-gathering" period prior to the giving of advice on personal situations, in order to make sure that the advice being offered is accurate and helpful. This would consist of asking plenty of questions and clarifying any unclear aspects of the situation.
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