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girlwithchoices

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    Hi. im here for the marriage discussion. i was wondering what everyone though on a few things- can i accept that he is not compleatly sorry for hurting me because i have hurt him in the past? should i take the chance that next t ime he hurts me he will say again "im sorry but not that sorry cus you have hurt me in the past"? can i forgive him when hes not that sorry? has he forgiven me for the past? should i accept that if i wrong him and frustrate him he will be vebaly aggressive-its not the way i want to communicate but should i take the bad with the good? will i be able to be myself in the relationship if im trying to avoid being with shouted at? He wants me to be more tidy before we move in together, i was enjoying getting more tidy and orgaised but now he has said he wont have me till i am i feel stubborn and dont want to cus i feel like im being pushed and im not doing it for me and us not for him
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  1. I think my partner/expartner has BPD- "A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:" He breaks up with me when things get tough "1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5." He change our relationship to open when i said i was afraid of how i would cope in an adult relationship " 2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation." He gets angry, uses derogatory language, tells me to [censored] off and never come back, then calls be hours or day later as if theres no problem. Sometimes he loves so much he would do anything for me sometimes it seems he really hates me " 3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self." He has low self esteem, sometimes he says hes an idiot or a mug " 4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5." He was unfaithful alot in his past relationship raraely using condoms, he frequaently abuses alchohol and drugs " 5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior " He has stated he wishes to kill himself and that he will if he contracts HIV " 6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). " He goes through fases, can be very elated or VERY low, angry ect. " 7. chronic feelings of emptiness " I would say he feels empty in the in metween times-he calls it numb, deal inside, not careing " 8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights) " He is controlled buy his anger when he is angry, he can be angry for days it seems there is an underlying anger with him all the time-he has asked me not to "scrat the surface", he dosent take responsibility for his actions-blames me for making him angry ect "9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms" sometimes says he beleves im lying to him sometimes or i dont love him im just useing him, dosent understand what i see in him "why dont you go find someone with more money"ect. "pushes things down" to forget about them http://www.borderlinepersonalitytoday.com/main/dsmiv.htm He is sometimes lovely-when he nice his very very nice but when hes not hes horrid! He and his gp dont think he needs anything more that tablets which he has been on for months now. I think his insite into his state of mind is poor and he has alot to work on. What do you think? I wish he could be properly assesed but he thinks that the pills and thinking about stuff to himself will sort him out, its been months now..
  2. Hi. I'm here for the marriage discussion. I was wondering what everyone though about a few things. Can I accept that he is not completely sorry for hurting me because I have hurt him in the past? Should I take the chance, that next time he hurts me, he will say again "I'm sorry but not that sorry, because you have hurt me in the past"? Can I forgive him when he's not that sorry? Has he forgiven me for the past? Should I accept that if I wrong him and frustrate him, he will be verbally aggressive - it's not the way I want to communicate, but should I take the bad with the good? Will I be able to be myself in the relationship if I'm trying to avoid getting shouted at? He wants me to be more tidy before we move in together, and I was enjoying getting more tidy and organised but now he has said he won't have me until I am. I feel stubborn, and don't want to, because I feel like I'm being pushed and I'm not doing it for me and us not for him. [corrected grammar and spelling: DO]
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