KevinD

"Complicated" doesn't begin to describe this mess. You urgently need to discover the principle of simplicity, as it pertains to love & relationships. Simplicity is the Law of Identity of romance. Without a clear understanding of it, and nearly-constant reference to it, you're liable to end up in all sorts of bizarre, agonizing, destructive scenarios. Lucky for you, I discuss this idea in some detail in a recorded program available for free from my blog. You can listen to the relevant portion here: http://forum.objectivismonline.com/index.php?showtopic=24379 Also be sure to read my article "The Simplicity Square": http://LeadingManBlog.com/the-simplicity-square/

"It is an interesting law of romance that a truly strong woman will choose a strong man who disagrees with her over a weak one who goes along. Strength demands intelligence, intelligence demands stimulation, and weakness is boring." —Roger Ebert, 1942-2013 Review of The Winslow Boy

Touching is an essential element of a romantic relationship, an important skill that every man must master. Join me for a free, live Webinar on Thursday, April 4, 2013, at 6 p.m. Pacific / 8 p.m. Central / 9 p.m. Eastern on the art of erotic touching in romance. We'll talk about: * Why erotic touch is not the same thing as sexual touching. * How physical affection can either be a giant turn-on to a woman, or it can turn her off. * When to introduce touching into a relationship — and why most men touch a woman much too early. * The vital (and often neglected) aspect of rhythm in erotic touch. * Why every square inch of a woman's body is potentially an "erogenous zone" — if you're touching her right. As a man, you have magic in your fingertips! By understanding the experience of touch from a woman's perspective, you can utilize this power to create electric connection, and lift the woman you love to the heights of erotic ecstasy. The Webinar is free to attend, however you must RSVP. Register here: http://LeadingManBlog.com/Webinar Not sure if you can make it? Sign up anyway, and I'll send you a recording of the program afterward. Please note: This Webinar is directed primarily to men, however women are extremely exceedingly encouraged to attend!

I'm happy to announce that The Leading Man — my romantic advice blog for men — is now on Twitter. You can get short, to-the-point ideas, tips & advice by following http://twitter.com/LeadingManBlog Here's a collection of some of the Tweets that have been published on the feed: * For a woman, romantic ecstasy is all about giving up control and LETTING GO. Help a woman to relax & unwind, and you can own her heart. * Friendship and romantic love are two diverging paths; the farther you move along one path, the further you move away from the other. * Men & women have different bodies, different brains, and especially in love & sex we tend to occupy different psychological PERSPECTIVES. * If you treat a woman like a male buddy, don’t be too surprised when she tells you she wants to be your "friend," not a romantic lover. * Just as a man naturally takes the lead in a dance, so he must take the lead in romance. To fail to do so, is to let a woman down terribly. * Listening to a woman involves hearing her words with your ears, and making relaxed, easygoing eye contact with her as she speaks to you. * A major mistake men make is to think of romance as a stodgy, serious subject. From a woman’s perspective, romance is light, fun & playful. * To a woman, romance is largely about having something to look forward to. ANTICIPATION is like catnip to women — it drives 'em wild! * A woman will often say she wants a man who is her "best friend," but she STAYS with a man who is her solid ROCK of certainty & security. * Remember guys, take your TIME, take the LEAD always in romance!

Every woman, no matter how happy and mentally healthy, experiences some issues with self-esteem. Join me for a free, live Webinar on Thursday, March 28, 2013, in which I'll talk about the role of emotional supportiveness in a romantic relationship — what it means, and why it's an essential skill for a man to master. We'll discuss: * The natural ebb and flow of a woman's self-esteem. * Why being supportive does not mean kowtowing or placing a woman on a pedestal, but involves casting her in the spotlight. * Why feeling beautiful is important to a woman feeling good about herself. (And why this is only partly related to how she looks.) * How to make listening your super-power. * How to be a woman's solid rock of security, while at the same time providing her with "a soft place to land." In the Webinar, I'll share specific advice about what you should do when a woman's self-esteem is at a low point. The program will be interactive, so you can ask me questions live! We'll start at 6 p.m. Pacific / 8 p.m. Central / 9 p.m. Eastern. It's free to attend, however you must RSVP. Go here to register: http://www.LeadingManBlog.com/Webinar Not sure if you'll be able to make it? RSVP anyway, and I'll send you a recording of the Webinar afterward.

I recommend keeping your friends away from a woman you're dating, not because you might lose her to one of them, but because "friends" (particularly male ones) often have an unfortunate tendency to act in ways which can cause a woman to lower her opinion of you.

secondhander: You are making big (incorrect) assumptions about what I maintain and advocate. Please limit your critiques to things I have actually said or written, not what you imagine my position to be.

No, I don't ask men to "hang out" — but then, I also don't ask men out on dates. So I suppose I am indeed guilty of employing a double standard! Academic feminist jargon aside, my ideas are based on years of observation of what works in romance between men and women.

Here's an excerpt from my recent Webinar for men, "Nine Things You Need to Stop Doing With Women." In this segment, I make the point that real men DATE — and that "hangin' out" is for frat boys and losers: http://youtu.be/Yj9dlH3UT0c You can download the full Webinar here: http://LeadingManBlog.com/9Things

Here's an excerpt from my recent Webinar for men, "Nine Things You Need to Stop Doing With Women." In this segment, I caution against the error of moving too fast in a romantic relationship: http://youtu.be/QyTjEb8DWzk You can download the full Webinar here: http://LeadingManBlog.com/9Things

Here's an excerpt from my recent Webinar for men, "Nine Things You Need to Stop Doing With Women." In this segment, I talk about the mistake of allowing yourself to become emotionally wrapped up in women whom you're not dating. I share examples from two popular TV shows (The Office and Friends) which illustrate the prevalence of the error of a man falling in love with a woman "from afar": http://youtu.be/mpKYTtmEM20 You can download the full 44-minute program via this link: http://LeadingManBlog.com/9Things

Join me for a free, live & interactive Webinar on Sunday, March 10, 2013, in conjunction with my Leading Man romance blog — Nine Things You MUST Stop Doing With Women. In this presentation, I'll discuss some of the biggest blunders that men make in their dealings with the opposite sex. Some of what we'll cover: * The virtue of DATING — why sophisticated men don't ask women to "hang out" with them. * How text messaging, e-mailing and lengthy phone calls can kill feelings of romance in a woman. * The internal dialogue that plagues intelligent men — and why it's holding you back. * Why men who make romantic love the most important thing in their lives inevitably fail in their relationships. We'll start promptly at 5:00 p.m. Pacific / 7:00 p.m. Central / 8:00 Eastern. The program will be interactive, and you can ask me questions via live chat. The Webinar is free, however you must RSVP to attend. Go here to register: http://www.LeadingManBlog.com/Webinar Not sure if you can make it? Register anyway, and I'll send you a recording of the Webinar afterward. Please Note: Although I'll be addressing men primarily, women are highly encouraged to attend and share their own thoughts & feedback!

Free Webinar Sunday, March 3, 2013 — 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 8:00 p.m. Central / 9:00 p.m. Eastern What do jerks, bad boys and abusers often understand about female sexual psychology, that allows them to keep women hopelessly hooked on them? In a word: dominance. But the "dominance" practiced by these toxic types is ultimately hurtful and destructive. What if a man were able to embody this idea in a way which is entirely positive, uplifting and supportive? Join me for this free Webinar in which I'll discuss the principle of benevolent dominance — and explain what it means for a man to take a strong, confident lead in romantic love. We'll talk about: Why it's never enough for a woman merely to find you attractive — why a woman often becomes turned on (or gets turned off) by a man's behavior relative to her. Why a woman must fall hard in love with you, if you are to keep her. Benevolent versus malevolent dominance — and why many people would love for you to believe there is no difference between these two. How to make certain that a woman never "settles" for you. Why the opposite of a "nice guy" is not a tyrant or bully, but a mature, respectful gentleman. How to establish romantic dominance within the first few moments of meeting a woman, and how to keep this aspect alive throughout your relationship. The Webinar is free to attend, however you must RSVP. Go here to register: http://www.LeadingManBlog.com/Webinar Not sure if you'll be able to make it? Sign up anyway, and I'll send you a link to download a recording of the session afterward.

This is why it's futile to attempt to argue issues of metaphysics. Whenever I hear an atheist say that he/she intends to debate believers on the existence or non-existence of God, my first thought it always: "I hope they trounce you good!"

I have: Reason, reality, and human life on earth. What other option is there?

That's odd... In my mind, the "question" of God's existence never comes up!

If God is so great and powerful, let Him "disprove" Himself.

I remember hearing of a study done many years ago, in which people around the world were asked: "How happy are you? Do you consider yourself to be a happy person?" People in Russia could not understand the question. "You mean, am I happy right now? At this moment?" "No, generally, in your life." The idea of living "a happy life" was apparently incomprehensible to most Russians. Happiness was — at best — experienced as a fleeting emotion, not a way of being. I agree that any study which includes "ecological footprint" as an element of happiness should be regarded as worthless.

A woman does require this feeling of personal efficacy, however it tends not to play quite the central role in a woman's psychology that it does in a man's. Women typically can weather the experience of extended unemployment better than men. Nether sex would enjoy it — and it goes without saying that a productive career is an absolute necessity for both women and men. But to be out of work for a prolonged period of time usually does not impact a woman's self-concept to the extent, and in the same painful way that it can for a man. What's the worst insult you can hurl at a man? That he's a loser. What's the most enervating, demoralizing feeling a man can have about himself? That he has failed — that he is a failure. Grasping these differences goes a long way toward helping us to understand ourselves, and to making sense out of each other.

(This is an article I wrote for my romantic advice blog for men — The Leading Man.) As a man, it's crucially important that you acquaint yourself with the concept of efficacy, as it relates to your self-esteem, your mental health and well-being. Efficacy is the ability to produce a desired result. It's the power to make things happen — to get things done. A major part of modern man's problem is that, in certain ways, life has become too easy for him. He no longer has to chop wood, brave the elements, or hunt for his dinner. Modern man doesn't suffer and sweat as his forefathers did. This is a good thing: I certainly have no desire to return to a time when people died a lot younger, and had to bear all sorts of painful burdens that are unknown to us today. But in some respects, we've become too coddled, pampered and comfortable. Men often don't enjoy the feeling of accomplishment that attends a tough job seen through to completion. If you're lacking energy, lethargic or out of sorts, I urge you to examine what you are doing in your life to give you a feeling of accomplishment. For a man, the emotion of accomplishment is a vital nutrient. If it's lacking in your life, you will slowly starve. You'll also lose your mind in the process. When is a man most depressed? When he's out of work. I don't suggest that you become a "workaholic" — far from it. But to be happy, you need to understand the role that a sense of your own efficacy plays in your emotional makeup. Self-esteem is built through action. By taking steps to create something, make something, build something, repair something, or otherwise bring a worthy goal to fruition in reality, you feel more in control of things; you'll grow in confidence, and become more excited about your life. As a man, you need the experience of being able to step back and say, "I did that." And you need to know that what you're doing is in some way making a positive contribution to the world around you.

WHAT??? How come no one told me about this?!? Holy Freakin' Crap... This changes everything. Add me to the list of those experiencing an "existential crisis."

I think he needs the line. It's a moment of candor, which explains what the problem was. Without it, it could look like he's making excuses. My understanding is that the purpose of the letter is to try to obtain a meeting. I would send the letter, and if you don't receive a reply within a reasonable time, follow up with a phone call.

Looks great — but I wouldn't sign the letter "Severely Maladjusted." Kidding! I think you have a strong letter overall, however I would omit much of the personal details. Here is my edit: Dear (Company President), I am contacting you to re-explore the possibility of working for (Company Name). As you well know, I was unable to fulfill my commitment to you last year. It has been an immense regret, and I sincerely apologize for taking your time. Not that reasoning matters much, but I can offer that I did have a worrisome health issue, which I kept to myself, that weighed heavily on my mind and contributed to my uncertainty. I know you have a business to run, and I understand why you withdrew the offer. Looking back with the clarity of hindsight, the question of my health was not serious enough that it should have prevented me from taking the job. The truth is my own fear lead to me not following through on my commitment. The total sum of the circumstances—the stress of relocating alone to a strange place for a demanding new job when I was already feeling trepid—led me to lie awake many nights questioning question whether I was making the “right” right decision. What should have been an adventure turned into a troubling game of “what if…” Call it a young man’s insecurities more than anything. Even though I realize that it may be too late now, however I still have a strong desire to sell (The Company's) investment products. If you are willing to give me another chance, I have overcome the fears that inhibited me last year and am confident in my readiness to act decisively at this time. I still possess the attributes that you originally hired me for: a passionate belief in (The Company Owner's) message, a thorough understanding of his investment strategy;, and the ability to successfully promote it. The sales training I received is still very fresh in my mind, and my confidence in my sales acumen and securities knowledge are better than ever. Most importantly, I am completely over any uncertainty. This has been a humbling experience, but I have learned from it. Please let me know if you have any interest are interested in discussing this matter further. And thank you for taking the time to read this letter. Sincerely, (Exceedingly Well-Adjusted)

She isn't saying that a welcome sleep is sinister — she's saying that a welcome sleep is not sinister.

I found this sentence in The Art of Fiction, following a comparison of a portion of Atlas Shrugged with Victor Hugo's Notre-Dame de Paris: "Of the two styles, mine is the more masculine, if by 'masculine' we mean a tight economy of intellectual content. Even if I write about violent emotions, I weigh every word for its direct meaning, for its connotations, for what it adds to the sentence. Mine is a more controlled presentation; Hugo's is much freer." Bear in mind that these lectures were extensively edited for publication, and this might not be a verbatim quote from AR. I also recall a statement, either from Rand or possibly from Leonard Peikoff, to the effect that in the early days AR often would receive fan letters addressed to "Mr. Rand," and that this pleased her greatly. I find this issue personally interesting, but I don't think it's of tremendous significance.