KevinD

A neat aphorism, and there is some truth to it. By working to become a "right man," a guy can do a lot to avoid the wrong kind of woman. Part of becoming a right man, however, is acquiring knowledge. It means becoming savvy and sophisticated, and gaining an understanding of your subject. Man is the initiator and prime mover in romance; if he can't identify circumstances that are favorable to him, and keep away from those that aren't, he's bound to wind up frustrated. The sad fact is, many good men waste a lot of time and energy pursuing situations that are essentially hopeless.

Here's an excerpt from my program for men about meeting & talking to women. In this segment, I talk about the importance of listening — and why it involves more than just your ears: http://youtu.be/wGIX3mpfqpA

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A romantic love relationship is an either/or proposition: Either both parties are fully present and are committed to making it work, or they are not. There is no halfway point. There's no such thing as partial, semi- or "sort of" romance. I personally would not want to be with a person who left someone to be with me. For that matter, I wouldn't want to be with someone who very recently got out of a relationship. To the extent that their relationship was serious and committed, a person needs time to get themselves together, be on their own, and experience being single for a while. It's always suspicious when a person exits one relationship, then seemingly immediately becomes romantically involved with someone else. Why don't you tell me, Louise? I have no advice for women. However, I'm extremely interested to hear more from you about how, as you say, women are taught to do drama. In what ways do you think this happens?

Here's an excerpt from a Webinar I hosted recently, about things that men need to understand about romance & relationships. In this segment, I talk about the principle of simplicity in love — an idea so important, I call it my axiom. I explain why it's essential that a man keep his romantic life simple, and how doing so can have a tremendously positive effect on a woman's emotions: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sE2Mr7pcto&feature=plcp

Remember, guys: A woman's job is to complicate matters and confuse you. The only thing of any relevance from what bluecherry has written here, is that the relationship crashed, burned and failed. It caused misery and pain for both participants. To reiterate: If there's one thing a man cannot ever afford to become, it's a mess. Keep your romantic life simple, always.

FeatherFall: I don't quite understand your question. My interest in romance is intensely personal, and I also have a blog and I host Webinars on the topic.

bluecherry: Your story is mind-destroyingly convoluted and strange. I defy any man to read the entire thing without feeling a migraine coming on. (And remember, guys, this is the abridged version!) Good, healthy romantic love relationships are not fraught with drama, weirdness, mixed messages, confusion, complexity, ambivalence and ambiguity. Good, healthy love relationships are simple. They are straightforward, happy, mutually exciting and enjoyable affairs. Keeping romance simple is primarily a man's responsibility. The kindest thing you could say about the fellow depicted in bluecherry's story, is that he's severely lacking in CEO skills. He doesn't know what he wants. He's all over the place. He blows hot and cold. He's effeminate, in the sense that he is not a pillar of certainty, solidity, definiteness and strength. He's also extremely typical of men today. A man of this kind can never be experienced by a woman as her protector. He's like a child, and he makes any woman he's with feel like an overworked nanny. For your sake and hers, guys, keep your romantic life straightforward and simple.

Join me this Sunday, December 2, 2012 at 6 p.m. Pacific / 8 p.m. Central / 9 p.m. Eastern for a free, live & interactive Webinar about the art of approaching and talking to women, and asking for the all-important phone number! How does a romantic relationship begin? What happens in the first few minutes, which sets the tone and can determine whether or not something wonderful will follow? In this Webinar, I'll share my thoughts on how a man should handle an initial conversation with a woman. I'll give detailed advice on what a man should say, how he should listen, and what he should look for. Both men and women are highly encouraged to attend! It will be an interactive Webinar, so you can ask questions & share comments live. The session is free, however you must RSVP to attend. Go here to register: https://www3.gotomeeting.com/register/362599942 Not sure if you'll be able to make it? Sign up anyway, and I'll send you a link afterward to download a recording of the full program.

Keep it simple, guys. Don't become a basket case.

I won't respond to bluecherry for a variety of reasons, but I will point out the mammoth block of text in her post is an outstanding example of what happens when a man does NOT keep his romantic life simple. If you haven't already, please read my article The Simplicity Square: http://forum.objecti...showtopic=24194

You should ask me what I think of Dominique's actions in The Fountainhead, and whether I think a man ought to pursue a woman who actively works to destroy him. Happily, there is a difference between art and real life, and what works magnificently in one often fails in the other, and vice versa.

You can know in principle that pursuing a woman who is in a relationship with another man is a losing proposition. You do not want to be with a woman who would leave a man to be with you. If she is having difficulties with her current boyfriend or husband, she needs to address the problems and try to work it out, or end it and move on. If she decides to end it, it should be because that relationship wasn't satisfying to her, not because she met someone she likes better. Breaking up, and beginning a new relationship, are two totally separate transactions. Do you notice how common the phenomenon of "trading up" is today? This is when a woman hangs on to a guy she's not that interested in, even as she starts something with a different man on the side. Then she eventually breaks it off with the first guy, and the next hour or day, she has a new boyfriend. Women like this are toxic poison, and should never be dealt with in any manner, under any circumstances. Women generally hate to reject a man outright. It feels rude, plus they have this weird idea that it hurts our feelings. All of the things you mentioned before — too busy, unreturned calls, broken dates — are indirect rejections, and need to be regarded as such. Romance is an enormous value in the life of a woman. If she is single and sane, and believes that you might be her future Superman (or her Ben Affleck), she will move heaven and earth to make it happen. She won't make excuses.

You're overstating, but what I advocate does eliminate a lot of women. It also eliminates a lot of heartache, unnecessary stress, pain, disappointment and wasted time, and allows you to identify women you might actually have a shot with much more easily. I find it fascinating, those who are in favor of the idea of fixing or changing a romantic partner, are always the ones who intend to do the fixing and changing, never the ones who are to be fixed and/or changed. This is unfortunately a real syndrome for many Objectivists.

The fact that a woman is in a committed relationship does not constitute an "issue." At least it shouldn't: it only becomes an issue when a man tries to pursue something that's hopeless. A related term men use is situation; "Here's my situation: I'm madly in love with a woman, who wants nothing to do with me. What should I do?" What she should do is stop calling his situation a "situation." There is no "situation," only an unfortunate guy pining for something he'll almost certainly never have. A useful question to ask yourself is: It it even remotely conceivable that this lady would tell Ben Affleck that she is "too busy" to go out with him? Would she fail to return his calls? Cancel a date with him? In my book, these are all sure signs that a woman is NOT interested in you — certainly not enough to mark the beginning of a beautiful love affair. I wouldn't even bother with an ultimatum, I'd cut my losses and move on.

Here's an excerpt from a Webinar I hosted recently, about things that men need to understand about romance & relationships. In this segment, I talk about how a man can identify women who aren't worth pursuing, and name the most important characteristic that a man must observe in a potential romantic partner: http://youtu.be/XB-7DgsiqNg

bluecherry: I don't understand your questions, and I'm not interested in discussing anything with you further.

Eiuol et al: I don't understand how my statement could be construed as offensive, and I don't care.

I've partly expressed my idea of masculine dominance in this thread, as well as the present one. I also have a blog, in which I'm developing the idea in articles, and via live Webinars & podcasts. Masculine dominance is a difficult idea to convey briefly, in part because it counts on a certain context of awareness in a person for the concept to make sense. It also lends itself to gross (and apparently, hysterical) misinterpretation, so it can take a while to make clear what is not meant by it. In basic essence, my idea of dominance has to do with a man accepting primary responsibility for the health, well-being and success of his relationship with a woman. It means a man who accepts himself proudly as the initiator and prime mover of romance. If this sacred aspect of man-woman interaction is to be, it is up to him. Dominance, as I describe it, is largely an emotional metaphor. It's has roots in the actual, but it's predominantly an issue of style; it is not meant to be taken totally literally. Ultimately, masculine dominance pertains to the way a woman experiences a man — the presence he has in her life, the impact he has on her emotions, and the status he occupies in her mind. I responded to the Leykis clip here. Leykis advises men to be a jerk and an "a-hole" with women. That is something quite different from my idea of a man. Metaphysically, man is the primary actor in romance. However, man has no inherent understanding of women or of romance per se, so he has no choice but to learn it. The average modern man, tragically, has no awareness of romantic dominance whatsoever. Most "romantic" relationships today are, at best, glorified friendships; there is no masculine leadership, and thus very little passion.

Join me on Sunday, November 25, 2012 at 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 8:00 p.m. Central / 9:00 p.m. Eastern for a free, live & interactive Webinar: "The Five Dumbest Mistakes Men Make With Women." I'll be talking about the most common blunders that hurt a man's cause in creating romance! Both men and women are highly encouraged to attend. It will be an interactive Webinar, so you can ask questions & share comments live. The session is free, however you must RSVP. Go here to register: https://www3.gotomeeting.com/register/905899782 Not sure if you'll be able to make it? Sign up anyway, and I'll send you a link afterward to download a recording of the full Webinar.

If it's merely "common," then I would say it's extremely, exceedingly common, if not quite universal. If a woman does not want what I describe, that's OK — but a man would have no means of reaching her romantically. Such a woman might desire a kind of a friendship with a man, but it's impossible to drive this type of woman to the heights of romantic ecstasy. Men: Keep your girlfriend far, far away from your crude buddies. More exactly, keep your crude buddies far away from her. Better yet, don't have crude buddies. Associate your personal brand exclusively with world-class individuals. Remember that everything your "friends" do and say reflects on you!

For the record, I do advocate for the idea of a "dominant" man within the context of romance. The type of dominance I speak of is entirely benevolent, positive, supportive and kind. I'm not in favor of role playing per se. I think that when you approach the issue in terms of "the male role" versus "the female role," you get yourself into trouble. Some people say: "Act like a man." I say: Act as a man — recognize the fact of your maleness, understand what this means and entails, and move in a manner consistent with your nature. A woman wants a man who is a man, who is aware of this fact, is comfortable with it and enjoys it. That's my idea of what it means to be masculine, in a nutshell.

Are you referring to "testing" a man in the manner I describe in my article? I don't agree that testing is at all stupid or irrational. I think it's important that women test men. I believe it to be an essential aspect of romance. I'm all in favor of mutual agreement for mutual benefit. Do you see this as something different from what I have written about?

Join me on Friday, November 23, 2012 at 11 a.m. Pacific / 1 p.m. Central / 2 p.m. Eastern for a free, live & interactive Webinar: "The Art of Romantic Thinking." For some people, "romance" and "thinking" are opposites — they don't belong in the same sentence! In this program, I'll talk about how a man can orient himself toward a more romantic mindset. We'll talk about how to create a mental and spiritual connection with a woman, by understanding her emotional needs, and learning to speak her language. Both men and women are highly encouraged to attend! It will be an interactive Webinar, so you can ask questions & share comments live. The session is free, however you must RSVP to attend. Go here to sign up: https://www3.gotomee...ister/848055758 Not sure if you'll be able to make it? Register anyway, and I'll send you a link afterward to download a recording of the full Webinar.

Here's an excerpt from a Webinar I hosted recently, about things that men need to understand about romance & relationships. In this segment, I talk about the crucial role of anticipation in creating romantic excitement in a woman: http://youtu.be/FaAyaKjS18g