KevinD

(This is an article I wrote for my romantic advice blog for men, The Leading Man.) In her book The Passion of Ayn Rand, Barbara Branden quotes from interviews she recorded with Rand about her life and career. Talking about her years as a teenager in Soviet Russia, Rand spoke of walking with a young man who made an indelible impression on her: "I don't remember the conversation on the way home, we just talked, nothing romantic. But he had a manner of projecting that he's a man and you're a woman and he's aware of it." "By the time I arrived home," Rand said, "I was madly and desperately in love."* (Years later, Rand would name one of the main characters of her novel We the Living — Leo — after him.) If there is a single idea which a man must grasp and master if he is to build a powerful romantic relationship with a woman, it's polarity. Polarity is the recognition of the fact that romance — at least heterosexual romance — is predicated on the existence of two sexes; there is male and female, man and woman, masculine/feminine. To a Leading Man, the fact of sex, and therefore of sexual differences, is an enormously good thing. We do all that we can to positively stress and to celebrate that women and men are not exactly identical in every way. Unfortunately, many men ignore, minimize or attempt to downplay sex differences. In their efforts to be respectful and "modern," they treat a woman they are romantically interested in as a buddy or pal. Instead of torrid passion, these men often find themselves caught in a tepid friendship. Polarity is essential to forming a deeply erotic connection with a woman. In romance, a woman wants & needs to be seen and experienced by a man as a woman — not merely as a person, and definitely not as a sexless neuter. To fall in love with a woman means falling in love with her feminine essence. It means being turned on by the challenge that her femininity poses to you. When polarity weakens in a relationship, things get boring. When it isn't there from the beginning, relationships often don't get off the ground. A sophisticated man is not threatened by sexual differences. He embraces, enjoys and appreciates them. To the man who understands romance, "I'm a man, you're a woman" isn't a put-down, nor does it represent an attempt to return to caveman days. It's a basic fact of reality, one which underlies and makes possible the most exciting kind of relationship between two human beings. *I have a number of misgivings about Ms. Branden, and I do not generally endorse her biography of Ayn Rand. However I have no reason to believe that this quotation is inaccurate. © 2013 Kevin Delaney

(This is an article I wrote for my romantic advice blog for men, The Leading Man.) Renée Wade, who runs a website called The Feminine Woman, posted a question on her Facebook page asking her (mostly female) readers to name what behaviors or body language they observe in men that leads them to think that a guy lacks confidence in himself. Read the full discussion here: http://on.fb.me/1f4lSmS Notice the recurring theme of eye contact in the responses. Renée herself says: "Yes, not looking us in the eye is one — I tend to feel awkward around men if they do that. Especially if they keep darting from 1 second of eye contact to 3 seconds of no eye contact and repeat." Mastering the art of relaxed, easygoing eye contact is critical for forming & sustaining a meaningful connection with a woman. Absent this, you make it hard for a woman to feel at ease with you. She might sense that you're not being completely honest with her — that you might be hiding something — that she cannot trust you. Note too how many women in Renée's discussion refer to a man putting others down, as well as boasting or bragging. Leading men "keep on the sunny side." We do our best to remain positive, upbeat and cheerful at all times. We enjoy making a woman smile; we're here to bring sunshine to her life, and coax laughter from her soul. We don't talk negatively, and we don't ever feel the need to insult anyone (or anything)! I once heard a woman speak very highly of a man she was dating. One of the things she most enjoyed about him was that he didn't talk excessively about himself, and he never bragged or boasted — this despite the fact that she knew he had many legitimate accomplishments & successes to his credit. I'll never forget what she said about him: "He has a lot that he could brag about — but he doesn't." This is a man who exudes confidence! He has nothing to prove, and no one to prove it to. He accepts his own value easily, almost like an axiom. When a person is hellbent on demonstrating to you what an important person they are, you can take it as a sure sign that they are not confident in themselves. Very likely, they suffer from insecurity and/or feelings of inferiority. Here are some additional responses from women in the thread: ▪ "Not making direct eye contact, hands all the way in pockets, & bad posture." ▪ "Talking loud & about [himself] all the time." ▪ "Always looking for approval, puts others down." ▪ "Feels the need to one-up others when in a group setting, you can tell he needs to feel like he's the best. A truly confident man wouldn't care what anyone thought." ▪ "When he can't look me in the eyes… shy[ness] and confidence don't go hand in hand…" ▪ "If he calls your phone 100,000 times a day." ▪ "When a man asks you what you think, then changes his responses to play to your answers. Means he is a chameleon, not a man." © 2013 Kevin Delaney

(This is a post I wrote for my romantic advice blog for men — The Leading Man.) An article on the Harvard Medical School's website titled "Astounding Increase in Antidepressant Use by Americans" reveals that while the rate of these types of drugs being prescribed to both men and women has skyrocketed, women are two and a half times as likely as men to be on antidepressants. The Huffington Post reports that one out of four women takes some kind of medication for a mental health condition, compared to 15 percent of men. While the reasons for these statistics are debatable, one thing is abundantly clear . . . There are an awful lot of deeply unhappy women today. Whatever successes can be attributed to the feminist movement, one thing it has not been able to do is to make women happy. Do you think that the women who haven't been issued prescriptions for antidepressants by a doctor are bursting with joy & enthusiasm for life? A key aspect of depression is a feeling of emotional emptiness. Depression is not mere sadness — in fact, for a depressed person, being able to feel sadness or sorrow would be a step up for them. Depression entails feeling dead inside, feeling "blah" & unmotivated. The motto of a depressed person is "What's the use?" silently spoken in response to the challenges of life. A person in the grip of depression often feels that he or she doesn't have much of a future, so why bother doing anything? It won't matter anyway . . . I don't need to point out that these kinds of feelings of hopelessness can easily go hand-in-hand with thoughts of escaping from life altogether. In a recent Webinar, in partial answer to the age-old question "What does a woman want?" I said that a woman wants to FEEL. What specifically does a woman want to feel? All sorts of things: Joy, excitement, elation, a sense of wonder and beauty . . . She wants to feel turned on by life, connected to people and things . . . successful, strong, empowered, adventurous . . . She wants to feel that she faces a magnificent future — that she is fully and actively participating in life — that a smorgasbord of delicious possibilities is spread out before her . . . In short, a woman wants to feel ALIVE! Women will frequently say when they're in love with a man: "He makes me feel alive!" Older women who find romance will say: "I feel young again!" Women (at least heterosexual women) are at their happiest when they are deeply in love with a man. Don't ever let anyone make you doubt this fundamental fact. Women want to be in love with us — because women want to be in love. As men, we cannot cure all that ails women. But we have a nearly-unbelievable power to bring positive emotions into a woman's life — to make her feel vital and vibrant and beautiful and young and free. When we succeed at this, we experience happiness. There is no tonic in the world (and certainly no prescription medication) that can inspire & motivate us the way a happy woman who is in love with life and with us can! © 2013 Kevin Delaney

In romance, fantasy is more important than reality. Join me on Sunday, September 29, 2013 at 6 p.m. Pacific / 8 p.m. Central / 9 p.m. Eastern for a free Webinar in conjunction with my blog The Leading Man, in which I'll talk about how a man can use the power of fantasy to create an exciting romantic connection with a woman, and rock her universe! Click here to RSVP for this FREE Webinar Some of what we'll cover: * The unbelievable turn-on power of words — how stories and poetic descriptions can stimulate a woman's imagination, activating her emotions like nothing else. * The staggering popularity of literotica/romance fiction among women, and what men can learn from it. * Sensual fantasy, as opposed to strictly sexual fantasy. * How to get into the pages of the novel inside her mind, and become her super-hero! It's free to attend this live & interactive discussion, however you must RSVP: http://LeadingManBlog.com/Webinar Arrive early, and be prepared to take lots of notes! Please note: Although the program is geared toward a male audience, women are highly encouraged to attend & participate.

You are indeed "off" — quite severely so. But then, your responses to me nearly always are, so it isn't too surprising. There is no way I can discuss this topic in a way which helps men, without providing specific examples of what I'm talking about. Some years ago, a girlfriend of mine expressed that she liked a particular line from a movie — a statement said by a man to a woman in an intimate context. Later, at an appropriate moment, I whispered the same line into her ear. The effect it had on her was extremely positive. I sputtered out that phrase which was not my own on several other occasions with her, always with happy results. Would you suggest that I was wrong to do so? Overwhelmingly, the problem that is reported by women is that men are predictable and unexciting in romance & sex. I have never heard a woman complain that her boyfriend/husband spoke a beautifully erotic line of poetry to her, but she didn't like it because she suspects that he might have gotten it from a book. Any technique which blasts boredom, smashes routine, and stimulates a woman in the direction of ecstasy is good and ought to be made use of to the fullest extent possible.

If I went by what my critics say about me, I'd hate me too! Happily, as usual, my critics are way off-base -- both about my ideas, and the content of my program. Authenticity & genuineness are ESSENTIAL in creating a meaningful romantic/sexual connection. Everything I will discuss in the Webinar supports that idea. Most of what I have to say on this topic pertains to a man talking to a woman during sex. A major complaint of women is that men are uncommunicative in bed; they would like for a man to express more verbally, in words and in full sentences, rather than mere groans & grunts. Men don't talk in sex, largely because they don't know what to say. My program will cover categories of statement which can help a man to express -- genuinely and authentically -- what he wants, how he feels, and his desire for the woman he's with, and to do so in ways which are meaningful & sexually stimulating to HER. secondhander says he hopes no one listens to my Webinar. I hope that many people will tune in, and evaluate my ideas on this subject for themselves.

No, women do not hold innate concepts, and neither do men. But women and men are not the same psychologically; there are important differences between the sexes which tend to be most pronounced (and also most significant) in the area of romance & sex. By understanding and appreciating these differences, a heterosexual man can greatly improve the overall quality of his romantic relationships.

Join me for a free Webinar in conjunction with my Leading Man romance blog on Sunday, September 22, 2013 at 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 8 p.m. Central / 9 p.m. Eastern — all about the art of erotic talk! Click here to RSVP for this FREE online event What sexy visuals are to a man, the right words can be to a woman. In this live & interactive program, I'll talk about how a man can most effectively use language to activate a woman's imagination, access her fantasy life, and turn her on from the inside out. Some of what we'll cover: * The sacred relationship women have with words; why certain statements expressed at key moments can have an explosive effect. * Why it's not so much what you say, it's what you IMPLY that matters most. * How to raise the impact of your erotic talk by mastering poetry and metaphor. * Specific words, sentences and phrases I've collected over the years — my own personal "swipe file" of sexy statements which you can start putting to use immediately. When you understand the power of erotic talk, you have a potent tool for stimulating a woman’s mind and senses. Sign up, tune in, and take notes! RSVP here: http://www.LeadingManBlog.com/Webinar Please note: Due to the mature nature of this program, you must be 18 years of age or older to attend.

Here's a clip from a Webinar I hosted in conjunction with my blog The Leading Man, in which I talk about two tweets I wrote on the nature of masculinity, and the role that egoism plays in what it means to "be a man" in romance: http://youtu.be/vCaCwzuJIGw (If you're unable to play the video, you can listen to the audio by clicking here.) Download the full Webinar here.

Join me on Sunday, September 1, 2013 for a live & interactive Webinar in conjunction with my Leading Man romance blog, in which I'll talk about some of my favorite tweets I’ve written for the Leading Man Twitter feed. Go here to RSVP: http://LeadingManBlog.com/FreeWebinar The Webinar will start at 6 p.m. Pacific / 8 p.m. Central / 9 p.m. Eastern. Every day, I send a message via Twitter pertaining to love, sex, dating, romance & relationships. Since Twitter limits you to just 140 characters, it’s often a challenge to put across a meaningful idea in so small a space. In this Webinar, I'll read a selection of these Tweets and expand on them. I'll share thoughts which are too difficult to put across in the limited format of Twitter, and answer any questions you have! Here’s a sampling of some of the Tweets I'll be discussing: "What does a woman want?" Impossible to answer in a short tweet, but here's a good start: A woman wants to FEEL. Women are FEELING addicts. Masculinity is not about acting macho, or role-playing the tough guy. It's about bringing genuine EGOISM to your sexual/romantic life. Inside a woman's mind is a romantic novel. Your mission is to infiltrate her fantasies & become the leading man in the story of her life! Beautiful women get grabbed & groped all the time. Be the opposite of these creeps — DO NOT TOUCH a woman you're not in a relationship with. Emotionally supporting a woman is not placing her on a pedestal; it's casting her in the spotlight & giving her the gift of your awareness. Genuine masculinity represents a challenge to a man: to do and be his BEST at all times in romance & sex. (Hence its extreme unpopularity!) The fact that you have feelings doesn't make you weak. However at times your emotions can make you a little bit stupid. Women admire a man who is busy, professional & has goals. Your CAREER must be your central value & main course in life — romance is dessert! Forget what you've heard in a million love songs: a high-caliber woman urgently wants to meet the man who can — and does — live without her. A man who hasn't taken the time to learn about romance is like a CEO who doesn't understand business trying to run a company. A Leading Man brings a lot of imagination to romance, to dating, to sex. He's like an artist — always looking to create something exciting! The Webinar is free to attend, however you must RSVP: http://LeadingManBlog.com/FreeWebinar

I own hardcover editions of The Virtue of Selfishness, For the New Intellectual, The Romantic Manifesto and Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal. They were all produced in the 1960s; it's not hard to find them used via Amazon or eBay.

You can imagine — i.e., picture in your mind — a floating object, free from the constraints of gravity's pull. Stage magicians make objects "float" before your eyes. But can you conceive of a universe in which the law of gravitation does not apply? How would such a universe function? What exactly would an alternative to the force of gravity consist of? Likewise, you can look at a mountain and decide you don't like it; you'd rather see a shopping center there. You can project something vastly different — and assuming that you own the mountain, you can take action to remove it, and begin building your dream. What you cannot do is seriously propose a world in which the various elemental factors which bring about mountains will instead produce a shopping center. The difference between the metaphysically given (that which is inherent in the nature of things) and the man-made is a critical issue in philosophy, one which thinkers and non-thinkers alike frequently fail to grasp.

A lot of "acting" classes are full of new-agey gobbledygook.

I'll bet that those who've stopped thinking at 30 weren't exactly the epitome of thoughtfulness before that age.

Your breathtaking dishonesty aside, professionalism is not primarily an outward or external "manner" one employs for PR purposes; professionalism represents a personal, internal commitment to doing things right. My critics are awfully fond of portraying my ideas in terms of gross superficialities.

Do you really think that by "a professional man" in this context, I'm referring to a male person who goes off to work in the morning to a job called "man"? Learn to think a little more metaphorically about these issues.

Careful readers will observe that my article references a man putting his hands on a woman, but suggests nothing about what one should do when a woman decides to initiate affection in public. A professional man in romance does not announce to a woman that he is a "professional." A rank amateur, on the other hand, might.

Every now and then, someone will ask: "The Objectivist ethics says that in order to survive and thrive as man, you must adopt certain values, and conduct yourself in certain ways. But why should I want to live in the first place?" This sort of person is asking that you provide them with evidence of the value of life — of their life, no less — and to demonstrate to their satisfaction why being alive is preferable to a state of nonexistence. No one can do this, of course, which is exactly the point. Some things you have to discover for yourself. The value and meaning of your own life is one; the emotional meaning of sex and love is another. My writings assume that a person accepts certain basic premises, and has acquired a certain level of sophistication in this area. If my ideas about men, women and romance seem bizarre to you, then please understand that I am not addressing you. If, like me, you find Ayn Rand's views on masculinity and femininity (as expressed in her novels) to be intriguing, then you might enjoy some of what I have to say on this topic.

There is no "should" about it. If you agree, then you might find what I have to say useful. If not, you're on your own. At times, participating in these discussions on Objectivism Online feels like I've wandered into a gender studies class at a leftist university — in some other dimension.

It would be nice if people would identify these sorts of things about themselves before they excoriate me. My writings are intended exclusively for men and women who do not regard their maleness or femaleness (or their partner's) to be a negligible element of self. Not in general, and absolutely definitely not in romantic love and sex! You're entitled to your perspective, bluecherry, but it's little wonder that nothing I say has any value to you. Race is not fundamentally relevant to sex or romance. For mentally healthy, non-evading heterosexual adults, one's identity as a man or woman is a "big deal."

What is so terrible about being a woman, that you would prefer that a romantic partner not experience this aspect of you as a personal, pleasurable value?

Isn't at least one of the reasons which lead you to ask her out the fact that she is a woman? "I love you as a human being, darling. Your womanness has nothing to do with it." Welcome to the sexless society.

You and I truly come from opposite ends of the universe. Relaxed, easygoing eye contact of the kind I describe is one of the most essential elements of connecting sexually with a woman. Unless one or both partners are visually impaired to the point of blindness, I can't conceive of establishing a sex connection of any meaning, depth or significance without it. A man opening a door for a woman is an act of chivalry, just like his selecting a table inside a restaurant. Both demonstrate masculine competence and leadership, and allow a woman to feel cherished and cared for. You're a typical male. Eye contact is irrelevant, but you must put your hands on her! I'm trying to help men understand the process of romance as a woman experiences it. First connect with her mentally and emotionally, then allow the physical aspects of the relationship to evolve naturally out of that. My motto is: Relax, slow down, and stop being so typical!

My critics cannot fathom that a man could embody the kind of principles I discuss and be authentic. The type of man I write about is so unreal to them, in their eyes, it has to be an act. Everything I talk about pertains to a man reaching and connecting with a woman on a sexual level — a concept which seemingly is lost on the great majority of men today. The rest of secondhander's essay is all the usual boneheaded misunderstandings and evasions, albeit expressed somewhat more respectfully than usual.

You gotta love that bluecherry directs her animosity toward me, and not the guy who advises closing a door in a woman's face!