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Eudaimonia

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  1. Okay, I do see your point. I guess that I assume that, when you masturbate to the thought of someone, when you fantasize about them, you really are expressing your desire to engage in a sexual act with them. After all, it does excite you to imagine such a situation, such a desire must come from within. The way you put it is that knowing that it's such a dishonest and hurtful behaviour is what stops you from actually pursuing these encounters. But still, I wonder if your partner told you that she was totally 'okay' about you having other sexual partners if you'd still not act on those desires, knowing that it wouldn't hurt her feelings. Maybe you would find such a relationship more satisfying. What I mean is, it seems as if the only thing that stops people from being unfaithful is the feeling of guilt that will follow, not the actual rational and emotional conviction that the person they're with is the only one they want and need.
  2. I do not want to be prejudiced. That's the reason I asked posted this topic. I would like to have an impartial view on this subject, but I don't know which of my premises are wrong, or why. I made these assumptions based on what most men told me about their fantasy life, but that doesn't mean it's not fallacious. Also, I don't mean to offend anyone in my attempt to understand the motivational forces behind men's behaviour. Any insight is indeed very welcome. Thanks for yours.
  3. Recently, I have come to discover a few things about the sexuality of both men and women that have showed me things under a whole new light. You'll have to excuse my ignorance here and not ask me to go play with my barbies since I seem to be the last one to realise these differences, and, if you'd be so kind, contribute with your personal opinion. I have made the following realisations: 1-It is a known fact that (heterosexual) men and women have different kinds of sexual fantasies. Women often fantasize about romance and 'romantic scenarios', whereas men get their kicks from thinking about the physical act itself, and focus more on female body parts. This seems to be generally accepted. 2-Also, when in love, women reach that 'cloud nine' state in which they might feel they're being unrespectful if they think about other men and might even regard it as some form of cheating. For men it seems to be a completely different matter, since they frequently and guiltlessly masturbate while thinking about other women (porn films, magazines, acquaintances, etc) and it's totally separate from their love lives. They don't think there's anything wrong with such behaviour. 3-A lot of men won't act on these impulses out of love and commitment, they might not even flirt with other girls, but they do think about sex and engaging in sexual activities with different women frequently throughout the day. Some men wouldn't even want to have sex with the object of their fantasies if given the chance. 4-Women are more likely to have an affair out of emotional disatisfaction with their current relationship, hence they look forward to fulfill their emotional needs, but men are more hormone-driven and might cheat out of lust. My personal experience as a woman tells me that women don't only have romantic fantasies. I rarely do, and I do think about male bodies and functional sex often. But when I'm in love, these thoughts are fleeting and scarce. My object of desire is my partner. This doesn't mean that I don't notice when someone attractive passes by or whatever, but I hold my respect for my partner above all. I subconsciously think it's an important element of cohesion that he's the one and only, even in my fantasies. In this aspect I do think that a lot of women will agree with me. So, I wonder. Are men really made for commitment? How do you find being in a relationship satisfying when you feel the need to have sex with random people all the time? It must feel like fighting instinct all day every day. Yet a lot of men seem to seek a stable, monogamous relationship. I mean, if love is some sort of erotic friendship, the erotism is a very important part of it, and having erotic feelings towards different people all the time does not make the erotic relationship with your partner all that exclusive. Maybe I am trivializing the human psyche, or I might fail to grasp the meaning and importance of masturbation and sexual fantasies. Maybe they just complement the 'real thing'. Maybe I am getting a distorted image of both men and women. What do you think?
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