Hopeful romantic

This post contains some more graphic content. So, if you don't want to see any of that, please skip this one. Coincidentally, the following exchange took place yesterday: Co-worker: Did you see the new attorney downstairs? Me: No. Why? C-w: She's really hot. She has a nice big ass. Made me smile. See? To this guy, a woman with a big butt is like having a license to print money. I bet if he saw my ex-girlfriends, he would puke. Okay, I have been doing some thinking (some of which is thanks to you all). Here's something that I like. I really like taking my 105 pound girlfriend, throwing her over my shoulder like a damn caveman, and carrying her to the bedroom. I like to hold her up while I am standing while we are discussing the big bang theory. Those are just a couple examples of the practical applications of having a more . . . Slender . . . Woman. Once we start talking about 150 - 165+ pounds, we hit some limitations. Is this legit? Also, I have never, since high school, dated a girl/woman who was not really, really attractive (on paper, according to common societal definitions). Now, this does NOT mean that I will date any attractive woman. I see that some of you are inferring that I am all form and no substance. That is not true. I have never, since I became an adult, dated a woman based on looks alone. But, the fact of the matter is, that the only women that I really got to know happened to be attractive. Basically, if a woman wasn't attractive to me, it never got to the point where I would know her character one way or another. I mean, you have to understand, that to me, a woman's body feels a certain way. Tummys and butts are tight. My hands almost go around their waist. I can carry them around with ease. Boobs are smallish (I hate fake boobs) and firm. Nothing really "jiggles" or feels squishy. I know this sounds really shallow, but I am telling you, this is a freaking profound difference on the sensory level. Imagine you had only ever heard nylon string, classical guitar for your whole life. Then one day, you hear Slash. That's probably going to seriously challenge your ideas of what the guitar is. Only question is, after all those years, can you learn to really enjoy Slash? Furthermore, I have turned down a fair many sexual opportunities, because I was not interested in the woman BECAUSE of her character. Surprised that nobody has mentioned getting older. What am I going to do when I am 60, date 22 year-olds? That is another thing I worry about. Really want to thank all of you (one exception) for keeping this going. I am reading all of your posts (one exception) and giving them all consideration. I am going to keep reviewing them, probably for months. Also, you should all check out those Lenny P. podcasts posted earlier.

Mindy - here is a copy/paste from an online dictionary for "fetish": Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification. So, while the word is close, I don't think it is totally on point.

This isn't a porn issue, but I can see where it might be for some. It is about my past experiences. Thanks for chiming in with that, though. It wasn't something I set out to pursue. We were old friends who just kind of touched base a couple years ago. We had such a great conversation that we started having great conversations every day. Then we fell in love. That's how it went down (as far as I can tell)! Just happened.

Trebor - Unless you are Rain Man, there is no way that you were able to just remember those episodes off the top of your head. Thus, I am guessing that you actually dug them up. That is really cool of you. Thanks a bazillion for doing that. I recommend that ANYONE interested in this topic check those out. Ol' Lenny P. was really on point, and I think that the three discussions go really well with each other. So, everyone check them out. Thanks again, Trebor. I super dooper appreciate it!

Sophia - i don't think its fair to say that I don't love her. Unless, of course, you are proposing that sexual attraction is an inevitable byproduct of love. Honestly, I can't imagine feeling more strongly about a woman than I feel for her (aside from the attraction issue). I don't want to lay next to anyone but her. She's it for me. I do agree that this situation is not fair to her, though. That's why I am trying to decide if it can be corrected or if I have to face the inevitable demise of our relationship. I do not believe that I have said anything that would demonstrate that I don't love her (other than the attraction issue, if that, in fact, even is a demonstration that I don't). I have known her most of my life. We even dated in high school. We lost touch for some years, but we got together, this time as adults, nearly two years ago. It is otherwise a Disney movie relationship. Her and I sit and talk for at least an hour a day. Nothing but talking. We share virtually everything with each other. We laugh like we're stoned (we're not). Her values and personality are simply exceptional. I truly did not know before just how much I could care for someone. Then she came along. No, this is not an issue of "love."

Sophia - thanks. That really sucks, but thanks. I hope someone here can prove you wrong, though.

Krattle, dude! Did you read my post? Wow, man. Little something in there about being anonymous for this one. Wait . . . Am I feeding a troll? What I said is completely true by the way. The height, hair, and eyes were all my parents. The diet and exercise are all me.

Myself - i really don't think that's it either. I have never our pursued one night stands or anything like that. I don't go "pick up" women. In fact, I find the hedonist notion of sex to be extremely distasteful (to say the least). I have a history of loving relationships. It just so happens that they have been with women that I found attractive. I LOVE sexual intimacy with a woman I love. Sadly, though, it also seems to be dependent of attraction as well.

Krattle - Don't be a douchelord. Instead of addressing my good faith question, you railed on me for having a line of thinking that I am trying to change. Also, no I'm not 6' with blond hair and blue eyes. I am 6'3" with blond hair and blue eyes, and I prefer lean to bulk. Also, had you read my initial post you would see that I was not referring to "Maxim" magazine so much as my previous girlfriends. Further, I am older than my mid-twenties, and a highly educated professional. Further further, I have not the slightest interest in "brainless whores" and you will notice that my question was NOT "hey, can y'all help me be interested in brainless whores?" You now stand convicted of grievous premeditated douchelordery. Have ye anything to say on ye own behalf?

Like I said in my original post, she is NOT ugly. I think most guys would find her attractive. I thought about the shrink route, but I am profoundly skeptical of them and psychologists. I have friends who see shrinks, and some of the things the shrinks say are just horrifying.

Kevin - i consider those things to fall more in the "affection" category than the "sexual" category. Claire - The fact that I don't find her attractive has preemptively run a stake through the heart of our sex life (or lack thereof). I just can't function sexually with her. I very, very much want to, but it isn't happening. It's like broccoli - no matter how good it is for me, I just can't enjoy eating it. I don't mean to demean a wonderful person by comparing her to broccoli. That is not my intent. What I need to know is if there is something I can do to fix this problem!

Greetings, all. I have posted in the past, but I want to be anonymous for this one. Also, the woman that I refer to in my question is not someone who posts here. Thus, if you happen to be a woman here, please don't worry. This post is not about you. Issue: Can I change what I am attracted to? If so, how!? I am with a woman. I love her to the point where my heart nearly explodes. Seriously, if you are around us, you may get hit with heart shrapnel and/or flying cholesterol. Wear goggles. Anyway, I love to hold her hand and to cuddle with her. I love our smooches. Our conversations evaporate the hours. If there was an iPad "create the ideal woman app," she would be the finished product based on my parameters, except for one thing . . . I do not find her sexually attractive. Our sex life is virtually nil. It's driving her bonkers, though she loves me like I love her. If I found her as attractive as my prior girlfriends, I would quit my job and have sex with this woman until they foreclosed my house. Then I would have sex with her in the street. I am desperate to want her. Eventually, it seems inevitable that my lack of desire for her will end our relationship. If that happened, I would be devastated. In the past, I have been with women who would be considered very beautiful (on paper). Now, when I see my current love step out of the shower, I still love her, but I kind of cringe. It really breaks my heart to even type that. She is such an angel. Not only that, but a "regular guy" would want her sexually. She is not ugly. She has a beautiful face. In terms of health, she has probably a "normal" body mass index. She just doesn't have a magazine cover body, and that's what I am used to. I just can't shake this. Is there anything I can do to "fix" this? Am I immature? Shallow beyond hope?