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(This is an article I wrote for my romantic advice blog for men, The Leading Man.) Renée Wade, who runs a website called The Feminine Woman, posted a question on her Facebook page asking her (mostly female) readers to name what behaviors or body language they observe in men that leads them to think that a guy lacks confidence in himself. Read the full discussion here: http://on.fb.me/1f4lSmS Notice the recurring theme of eye contact in the responses. Renée herself says: "Yes, not looking us in the eye is one — I tend to feel awkward around men if they do that. Especially if they keep darting from 1 second of eye contact to 3 seconds of no eye contact and repeat." Mastering the art of relaxed, easygoing eye contact is critical for forming & sustaining a meaningful connection with a woman. Absent this, you make it hard for a woman to feel at ease with you. She might sense that you're not being completely honest with her — that you might be hiding something — that she cannot trust you. Note too how many women in Renée's discussion refer to a man putting others down, as well as boasting or bragging. Leading men "keep on the sunny side." We do our best to remain positive, upbeat and cheerful at all times. We enjoy making a woman smile; we're here to bring sunshine to her life, and coax laughter from her soul. We don't talk negatively, and we don't ever feel the need to insult anyone (or anything)! I once heard a woman speak very highly of a man she was dating. One of the things she most enjoyed about him was that he didn't talk excessively about himself, and he never bragged or boasted — this despite the fact that she knew he had many legitimate accomplishments & successes to his credit. I'll never forget what she said about him: "He has a lot that he could brag about — but he doesn't." This is a man who exudes confidence! He has nothing to prove, and no one to prove it to. He accepts his own value easily, almost like an axiom. When a person is hellbent on demonstrating to you what an important person they are, you can take it as a sure sign that they are not confident in themselves. Very likely, they suffer from insecurity and/or feelings of inferiority. Here are some additional responses from women in the thread: ▪ "Not making direct eye contact, hands all the way in pockets, & bad posture." ▪ "Talking loud & about [himself] all the time." ▪ "Always looking for approval, puts others down." ▪ "Feels the need to one-up others when in a group setting, you can tell he needs to feel like he's the best. A truly confident man wouldn't care what anyone thought." ▪ "When he can't look me in the eyes… shy[ness] and confidence don't go hand in hand…" ▪ "If he calls your phone 100,000 times a day." ▪ "When a man asks you what you think, then changes his responses to play to your answers. Means he is a chameleon, not a man." © 2013 Kevin Delaney
Let me start off by saying that I'm relatively new to these forums, and I don't know if this is the right forum to post this in. Please feel free to move it if there is a better place for it to be. I am a member of my school's local chapter of the National Honor Society, and we have an induction for new members coming up in a few days. It's the 50th anniversary of the chapter too, so many local alumni will be there. I am supposed to deliver the part of the speech about leadership, but I find some of the content to be highly objectionable. I have asked the head of the chapter, and she said that I could re-write it (in fact, she encouraged me to). I was wondering how you all think I should go about it, as I'm not the best at writing for public addresses. Here is the original piece: I will then read a quote before passing on the podium to the next speaker. I am considering the following Latin proverb. I really like it and I'm taking Latin so pronunciation shouldn't be an issue, but I don't know if the audience would follow along if I suddenly switch to a foreign language. I might warn them beforehand or omit the Latin text altogether: I'm sure you can see where I take issue with the stock piece (the part about self-sacrifice is especially horrible), but I'm not entirely sure what to put in its place. There is already someone else presenting a piece about character, so I probably shouldn't infringe on his territory. I think I also want to change the part that begins ". . . the real leader strives to . . ." Note that I in no way want to moralize to the audience, I just don't want to come across as espousing altruistic ideas such as these. Any pointers in the right direction where the rewrite is concerned would be appreciated.