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Kerry To Sue DNC Over 'bounce'

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Democrat Presidential candidate John Forbes Kerry today announced that he has retained attorney, and running mate, John Edwards to file suit against the Democrat National Committee (DNC) over injuries related to an alleged "post-convention bounce."

"We had reveived certain assurances from top DNC officials that this celebration of my client's nomination would result in a 10-15% bounce in the presidential preference polls," said Mr. Edwards during a news conference on the steps of a Boston courthouse. "Bounce implies vigorous upward movement. But my client's current polling numbers look more like a 'bump' or even a 'dip"."

Mr. Edwards, who like his client is also a U.S. Senator, brought many of the gathered journalists to tears with his dramatic description of the plight of Mr. Kerry's popularity.

"I can hear John Kerry's popularity calling out to you from somewhere in the darkness," said Mr. Edwards. "A couple of weeks ago his popularity said, 'I'm having a little bit of trouble but I'm doing okay.' During the convention speech, it said 'I'm having problems." And after the convention John's popularity said, ' I need help.' But help was not on the way."

From ScrappleFace, but Edwards did use the idea in the last paragraph with a jury, a dead little girl and big evil company.

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