An Economics Satire

[fountainhead777]

A certain intelligent and progressive senator recently stated “It’s time to be patriotic…time to jump in, time to be part of the deal, time to help get America out of the rut.” I must commend the social responsibility of such a dedicated public servant. Most liberal politicians and economists advocate an increased tax rate for the wealthy like this senator, but I say we take a step further: all citizens pay more in taxes but also receive increased returns through governmental social programs. Currently, federal income tax rates range anywhere from ten percent to thirty-five percent; I propose that all income tax rates increase between ten to fifteen percent, of course allotting larger increases to the more affluent. This may seem drastic and counter-productive but there is a method to the madness.

Obviously such a tax program will generate huge volumes of revenue for the government and the question becomes how to spend this income. The answer, however, is simple; think of any time you possessed an extra bit of money whether it was by accident or intention. Of course your first thought was to use this money to help someone else, which is exactly what I propose here. To achieve such a purpose an agency known as the Office of Monetary Governance will be established to manage these funds. It is necessary to maintain our current social institutions such as Social Security, Medicare and Welfare. These have all served wonderfully to end the blights of poverty and with more support may be able to assist all citizens in their pursuit of happiness that the founding fathers envisioned. To achieve such a goal these programs will use additional funding to expand their coverage to a wider range of citizens. For example Welfare is currently granted to low-income individuals or families, often subject to some form of work requirements; with added subsidies, assistance can extend into the middle classes and the work requirement can be abolished altogether. In addition, increased assistance to Social Security will allow people to retire earlier than ever removing the burden of work from their lives.

The greatest social advancement will come in the form of new programs. Universal healthcare under the Office of Health Enrichment for Living Longer will finally become a fully tangible possibility, encouraging all to be healthy in order to lower the cost of healthcare for everyone. Each neighbor will push their fellow citizen to kick negative habits, to exercise more and eat healthier because they have a financial investment in their well-beings. Another crucial area to assist with is housing; for this purpose there will be the Organization for Subsidization of Housing In Towns. This institution will assist families in the purchase of their homes so that they can have an environment suited to their new lives. It will be administered locally so the assistance may feel more personal and familiar. I also propose a new program called the Social Image Council which will be established in each local area. These programs will certainly improve the lives of all citizens but we must think of their esteem. With increased tax rates, commodities may become rarer among citizens and this can be quite disparaging. It will be the occupation of the Social Image Council, an elected board, to allocate wealth to people for the purpose of buying material goods. Plasma televisions, luxury cars, stunning jewelry, GPS systems, video game systems, cable television, and any other luxury you could think of will be available to all those who are in need.

The aforementioned reasons are the tangible benefits but consider the social implications of such a policy. Every man and woman will be supporting their fellow Americans while also relying on their neighbor in a vast web of interdependency and love. Think of the panhandler on a street corner, dressed in tattered rags and holding a cardboard sign with the message stenciled in black marker “Please help, God Bless.” Now think of the immense pride you feel when you hand over your hard-earned money to him as alms so he can eat. Under my plan, with every paycheck you may feel that warmth and pride of assisting your fellow man. But you are also the humble, downtrodden panhandler asking for assistance and relying on the good will of your neighbor. Each and every citizen will become sensitive to his neighbor’s problems and short-comings as they become a concern to his well-being also.

The rationality and success of such wonderful policies is a certainty and if you cannot follow its logic, then simply have faith in the selflessness of your fellow citizens. I see a day where this philosophy proceeds far enough that everyone will pay in taxes all of their income except what they absolutely need so they become more interdependent with their fellow Americans. The United States certainly has a bright future as anyone who pays attention to current events would know. Despite such a standard I foresee even greater improvement with a plan as I have proposed.

[fountainhead777]

Okay to give some background I wrote this for a satire literature class. It actually has 3 parts but this to me was the best. It satirizes progressive economic policies through heavy irony. But if you look at it on a personal level it also ridicules reliance on others in living.

One final note the title of the satire is "The Poverty of Nations"

Thanks for any feedback

[Randroid]

I love the acronyms. The last two paragraphs are best, but I can't quite put a finger on what's missing in the others. Maybe it's that I doubt many will recognize it as satire, despite the title.

[fountainhead777]

haha, good job catching the acronyms. I had fun with that. That is the main feedback I have gotten that people actually do find this a good idea but I figure they are not very rational so it would be difficult to reach them. I think the earlier paragraphs build up background more and the last two are the satire heavy ones. Thanks though.

[Capitalism Forever]

Maybe it's that I doubt many will recognize it as satire, despite the title.

Yup, that is the problem. It's way too similar to what your typical liberal editorial sounds like these days.

The acronyms are great, though!

[Devils_Advocate]

I loved it!

Unfortunatley, I know people who would read this and shout "The man's a hero!" That's kind of scary.

Nonetheless, great job! I love the end, "I look forward to a day when all citizens will pay a tax on all of their income".

[utabintarbo]

This is satire? I thought it was an Obama position paper.

[fountainhead777]

haha, I get that a lot. I actually thought these ideas were pretty extreme and stupid but I guess most people do not. Makes me wonder if they reflect these ideas....

I guess if I do a second version I will have to make it even more extreme.