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iplaydrums24

jealousy over best friend's future

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I'm currently in my second year of college, and I live with by best friend of 14 years. We are both musicians, love the same music and were in a band together all throughout high school. Our band broke up after we graduated high school, as we all left for different colleges (save my friend and I), although my best friend was fortunate to meet a group of students here who are in a band that needed a new vocalist, and they chose him after an audition. I have not been able to find anyone here on campus to play music with, and it is very upsetting for me because I spent four of the best years of my life playing music with the people who became my closest friends.

The problem I am facing is that despite the rising success of their band, I'm having trouble being supportive. It is really upsetting to me that whenever my buddy talks about his band and all the opportunities they have and the possibility of getting a record deal it makes me jealous, and I act indifferent and unresponsive to him, which sickens me. I should be supportive, and deep down I am, but I have trouble expressing my happiness for him. I think that some part of me is repressing my congratulations because I am jealous that he is getting all of these amazing opportunities that we dreamed about together for years. It isn't like we competed against each other for the one spot and he beat me for it; in that case I could understand if I felt upset, but I would also recognize that he is better than I and earned the spot. I realize that it was luck that he happened to meet the right people who needed the skill that he, and not I, can provide and yet it still angers me to know that he has this amazing opportunity. I guess it would be accurate to say that I am upset and feeling like I'm getting left behind while my best friend is living our dream without me. I didn't write all this to beg for your sympathy or ask for pity, I just wanted to write this out to see if anyone has been in a similar situation or can help me understand why I'm being such an ass and help me with my problem.

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I don't want to psychologize you, so I'll apologize in advance if I misread this, but usually when I feel jealous it's because I'm dissatisfied with my *own* progress, not that I'm unhappy that someone else is succeeding. I love having successful, happy friends! They are so fun to be around!

If you are sad that you haven't achieved as much success as your friend, why not tell him about it? He might be in a position to help you hook up with some people that you can play with. Successful friends are terrific resources that way and they LOVE to have the chance to help their buddies out.

And, after you've told him that you were experiencing feelings of sadness/envy from not having equally good news of your own, it'll probably be a lot easier for you to enjoy his success.

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