Redefining a Relationship

[Brian9]

I have an older brother. And being 5 years younger than him, I've usually been the protege and he the mentor. But as time has passed, the difference in age has seemed to become less consequential. Usually he teaches me things, but just now I was trying to teach him something. And it was uncomfortable for me. I think it was for the both of us. How should I feel? What should I do? I feel like our relationship is being violated by the passage of time. In part, I don't want to break any ties with him, but I feel it is necessary somehow. Does anyone have a good book they can recommend that deals with this subject?

I titled the topic redefining a relationship. I guess my question is, "how?"

[softwareNerd]

Why would redefining the relationship mean breaking ties? I don't know how old you are, but at some age the difference in ages becomes irrelevant. Your brother knows this too. So, it simply makes sense to transition appropriately. I am an older brother, and since I'm nearly fifty I've understood for a long time that my brother is of my own "intellectual age". I can still remember instances when I was a tween and would tell him to do something and expect it done. I cannot remember anything specific about how the relationship changed. I guess it simply changed one day at a time.

So, as to your question "How?", I'd think the answer is "Just do it". Unless there is some special case, just get used to the idea that now and then you will get a little introspective surprise ("wow! two years ago, I'd have deferred to him on this"). Feeling discomfort like that is fine, if it is simply the awareness of change and the need to adjust to change. If it is something more, then your situation may be different.

I assume lots of members on the forum have siblings and are also closer to your age, so hopefully you'll get more advice.

In closing, your question might interest Dr. Kenner. You never know, she might post an answer on her web-site.

Edited October 3, 2010 by softwareNerd

[Brian9]

Thank you for your advice and the link to Dr. Kenner. I can appreciate the "Just Do It". I've always had a bit of trouble putting my ideas into practice. The world has to be perfect before I roll up my sleeves and do anything. I was reminded that my brother used to tell me to put up a Nike poster in my room. I suppose I'm just afraid of change. For some reason it is hard to accept in myself the flaws I readily see in other people. Go figure.

Edited October 4, 2010 by Brian9

[Eiuol]

I think it was for the both of us. How should I feel?

One thing to add could be this: a feeling is a feeling, there is no "should" about any emotion. However, understanding why is still important in order to understand exactly what it is you are responding to.