I'm depressed again....

[Trebor]

Sounds like things are going somewhat better for you, Ben. Good to hear; good for you.

Something I would recommend is that you listen to Dr. Harry Binswanger's lecture, "Emotions."

From the Ayn Rand Bookstore's description of his lecture:

A proper view of man requires a thorough understanding of not only reason, but also emotion—and of the relation between the two. Philosophers who teach that emotions bypass the mind, claiming that emotions are either "the voice of God or of your glands," doom their followers to the endless inner war of the mind-body dichotomy. Individuals who fail to grasp the intellectual roots of their own emotions face the alternative of whim-worship or repression—i.e., self-defeat or self-denial. By defining the actual cause of emotions, integrated with her discoveries in psycho-epistemology, Ayn Rand has liberated man, providing the knowledge every individual needs to resolve inner conflicts and achieve a harmonious "division of labor" between his reason and his emotions.

In these two impressive lectures, Dr. Binswanger presents and "chews" the Objectivist answers to the two basic questions: what are emotions and how should one treat them?

Topics covered include: emotions and awareness, emotions and value-judgments, the biological function of emotions, the role of the subconscious in emotional responses, emotions distinguished from other affective states, principles of classifying the emotions, emotions and cognition, emotions and objectivity, intellectual techniques of analyzing one's emotional responses, emotions and moral choice, emotions and moral judgement of self and others, and emotions as advocates, not judges. This is a sparkling philosophical, scientific, and psychological integration.

(Audio CD; 4-CD set; 3 hrs., 26 min., with Q & A)

The lecture sells for $46.95. I do realize that, given your constraints, you may not be able to afford it at this time, but if and when you can, again, I do recommend it.