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Severely Maladjusted

I just blew the opportunity of a lifetime

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I was recently offered a job. This was a truly unique and exciting opportunity to do something special and potentially make a lot of money. It was also an intimidating proposition, and I was uncertain about whether I would be able to succeed at it. On top of that, I have serious personal problems that are beyond my control that wreck havoc on my morale and make me prone to changes in sentiment. Even though I orally committed to the job, I never overcame the issues that were holding me back, and remained in state of chronic indecision the entire time that I was supposed to be preparing. As a result, I blew everything. I wavered on the date that I was supposed to start, was given extra time to prepare, then wavered again on my second chance, at which point the offer was rescinded. Now I realize what a great opportunity it was, am full of remorse and want to die. What should I do?

Edited by Severely Maladjusted

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It was also an intimidating proposition, and I was uncertain about whether I would be able to succeed at it.

Any job worth applying for should be intimidating. If you look at job qualifications and find you meet all the requirements, you aren't applying for a hard enough job.

In your case, it sounds like you psyched yourself out over this position because you felt unprepared. Reminds me of the famous JA quote, "Why not seize the pleasure at once, how often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparations." Although you probably feel pretty crappy right now, there will be other jobs and opportunities for you. You might have to start at a lower-end position in order to get the one you're aiming for, but you'll get there with some hard work and self confidence. I suggest learning from this experience and remembering that when you give your word to commit to a position, you should really commit to it. Don't let your anxiety get the best of you!

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Although you probably feel pretty crappy right now, there will be other jobs and opportunities for you.

Spot on.

Also, you will probably be more prepared mentally with your next opportunity, which then has a likelihood to turn out even better for you.

You would probably have felt better in this situation if you'd been open and honest with your to-be employer, even if you were not able to fulfill your commitment. "I'm sorry, I regretfully withdraw myself and hope it hasn't caused you too much time and heartache." Everyone can move on faster and better when the honest truth is all laid out, even if the truth is bad.

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Now I realize what a great opportunity it was, am full of remorse and want to die. What should I do?

Consider seeking professional help for your 'serious personal problems that are beyond [your] control that wreck havoc' and for your thoughts on wanting to die. Mental health care professionals, particularly ones that take a cognitive, congnitive/behaviorial approach to therapy.

Edited by intellectualammo

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You guys don't get it there will NOT be another opportunity,,, you know the song "Lose Yourself" by Eminem where the intro says "if you had once chance to cease everything you ever wanted... one shot, one opportunity.. would you capturue it, or would you just let it slip?" Well, guess which option I chose. I'm still in town right now (I flew to the job site, then siezed up when I got here) and if I get back on the plane I'm killing myself when I get home. I have to email my boss and get him to let me back on or it's over. Problem is, I don't know what the hell I can say. "Dear boss, I know I've been acting like a 16 year old girl who can't decide what to wear for the last two months, but now that you've made the decision for me I want a different outfit. Please give me a THIRD chance." Any suggestions?

Edited by Severely Maladjusted

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No I won't. The axe gave me clarity. I HAVE to do it.
I suppose the boss has found someone else instead of you. If so, unless you bring exceptional to the job, he's unlikely to break his word just because you had a change of heart.

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Yes, you should definitely call if you feel the way you do. From what you say, the boss seems reasonable, so he is not going turn you down purely out of irritation.

However, it would also be reasonable for him to assume you will have some similar inexplicable change of heart on something else in the future. How can you be so sure you won't? Many people who act in some way and then regret it will often swear they will never do it again. If you're a betting person you know that they'll probably repeat the behavior.

For starters, you need to ask yourself honestly if you can say you won't vacillate and change your mind again. Only you can answer this to yourself, but just feeling, emotionally, that you won't isn't enough. A compulsive eater will come to a point where he feels sure he will swear off food; a quarrelsome couple will come to a point where they think they love each other so much that they will never fight again. Under the influence of an emotion -- like, "shit I just lost out on a life-time opportunity" -- it can feel that you'll never make the same mistake, but chances are that the underlying causes are still in place and will re-surface.

If you are honest and think this will happen again, cut your losses and go home. If you are actually convinced by some reasons, rather than just emotion, then the next step would be to figure out how to present those reasons to your potential boss.

Edited by softwareNerd

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Why don't you offer to do the third chance for free for two weeks, no strings attached, and at the end of those two weeks if he thinks you've earned it, great, and if not, you won't bother him again?

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I was recently offered a job. This was a truly unique and exciting opportunity to do something special and potentially make a lot of money. It was also an intimidating proposition, and I was uncertain about whether I would be able to succeed at it. On top of that, I have serious personal problems that are beyond my control that wreck havoc on my morale and make me prone to changes in sentiment. Even though I orally committed to the job, I never overcame the issues that were holding me back, and remained in state of chronic indecision the entire time that I was supposed to be preparing. As a result, I blew everything. I wavered on the date that I was supposed to start, was given extra time to prepare, then wavered again on my second chance, at which point the offer was rescinded. Now I realize what a great opportunity it was, am full of remorse and want to die. What should I do?

Keep perspective. There is no ONE opportunity of a lifetime, I think.

Who knows what you might have missed if you'd have taken this one?

Lack of omniscience is actually great.

Prepare yourself better, mentally, for the next one. It's a long life.

Good luck.

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Once in a lifetime opportunities are very rare. That's why I clicked on this thread, I was intrigued about what it could be. Were you selected for the next space mission? Are you 35 and just failed your Olympics qualifier? What could it be?

From the sound of it, your opportunity isn't "once in a lifetime". If you work hard and are a good enough salesman to have deserved that job, you're going to get another offer eventually.

I find that often people treat opportunities the same way they treat love: as a mystical, unearned concept. They're not: opportunities aren't gifts, they are the result of your actions just as much as full out success. Getting an opportunity is the sign that you're at least half way to success. Blowing that opportunity is a sign that you are exactly half way to success. It's not a sign that you suck. If you sucked, you wouldn't have gotten the opportunity.

So you should look at the glass as half full: you are good enough to have earned yourself this opportunity. You are not quite good enough to fully benefit from it, but this is not a setback. Just because you blew this, it doesn't mean that you're worse off than where you were before. You're just as good as you were before you got this opportunity, which means you should expect more of them to come along as you continue to work hard.

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Well, it's commission-only sales...
Commission only sales are one of those areas where scams are widespread.

If you know that this is a genuine job, then the fact that is commission-only makes it extremely likely that the person will pay... if you have the sale, he has the commission.

Hopefully you have researched this and the guy is not asking you for a "small expenditure" or a "start up investment".

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Commission only sales are one of those areas where scams are widespread.

If you know that this is a genuine job, then the fact that is commission-only makes it extremely likely that the person will pay... if you have the sale, he has the commission.

Hopefully you have researched this and the guy is not asking you for a "small expenditure" or a "start up investment".

.

Edited by happiness

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Commission only sales are one of those areas where scams are widespread.

If you know that this is a genuine job, then the fact that is commission-only makes it extremely likely that the person will pay... if you have the sale, he has the commission.

Hopefully you have researched this and the guy is not asking you for a "small expenditure" or a "start up investment".

It's no scam - the owner of the company has an impeccable reputation and is considered a hero in free market circles.

Edited by Severely Maladjusted

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It's no scam - the owner of the company has an impeccable reputation and is considered a hero in free market circles.
For your sake, I hope so. I hope you manage to convince him to take you on again.

Candidly, I must point out though that being "a hero in free-market circles" is yet another phrase that raises my scam-sensor. Suddenly I'm thinking of some Free-State initiative type, of someone coining so-called Liberty dollars, etc. Good businessmen are usually heroes qua businessmen, not just in "free-market circles".

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I was recently offered a job. (but) ...... I have serious personal problems that are beyond my control that wreck havoc on my morale and make me prone to changes in sentiment. What should I do?

Have you already determined that the commission-only job really wasn't the job for you because of your maladies? As a kid growing up, I loved motion. I expressed it in sports. I was awake in the morning first before my siblings so that I could get to the tee before school. I was last in bed because I was so long at the course after school that homework took me well into the night. I did this for years while I was growing up. A car accident changed that when I was a young adult. I couldn't do what I wanted to do not because of the lack of desire but simply because of the lack of physical capability to make it happen. Today, I play not 18 holes of golf but 3. But I make those three the best three that I can. Golf is not my profession but in playing those three holes the best way that I can has tempered my profession. I do the best with what I got.

Making commission sales happens requires consistency. Working day-in and day-out in finding people to sell and selling the people you find is essential to succeeding in that line of work. In and of itself, commission only sales is intimidating to people without problems.

As you say, your problems change your morale. So, accept them. Job one, as you may already know down into your bones, is acceptance. From there, find work without the demand for this type of consistency.

When your problems are on top of you, your off the course. Chill when you're down. When your better again, tee up and drive the ball. You ask, "What should I do?" I say this. The best that you can with you you got. So you can't play 18. Instead, make the best of your "3".

Thinking of you and all the best to you.

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For your sake, I hope so. I hope you manage to convince him to take you on again.

Candidly, I must point out though that being "a hero in free-market circles" is yet another phrase that raises my scam-sensor. Suddenly I'm thinking of some Free-State initiative type, of someone coining so-called Liberty dollars, etc. Good businessmen are usually heroes qua businessmen, not just in "free-market circles".

I don't wanna name names, but if I did, I don't think anyone here would conclude I had gotten mixed up with a scammer.

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"Well, it's commission-only sales..."

If you have, as you said, personal problems that wreak havoc in your life and you are not in control of, then commission-only sales might not be a good choice for you at all. Maybe, at some level, you recognize this, hence your anxiety and indecision. If you have serious out-of-control personal problems, then a steady (albeit perhaps boring) job that does not involve such a high degree of pressure would be a much better choice.

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