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BRG253

How to handle 15 yo daughter?

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This is a hypothetical situation. Suppose one discovers that his 15 year old daughter has been taking nude and semi-nude pictures of herself and posting them anonymously to a popular social networking website so that others can rate them, "like" them and reblog them. Her face is not in the pics and her identity is not attached to them in any way, but it would be obvious to anyone who knows her that they're hers. The owner of the blog to which she sends the pics is an adult man (21) and many of the people who view the pics are adult men of all ages. She used to be a very "good" girl but in the last year has matured a lot and is now becoming extremely sexual and acting like a dog in heat on the internet. Her internet life is the biggest thing in her ilfe and she has thousands of people who follower her on sites like Tumblr, YouTube and Twitter. Taking her computer away would crush her utterly. How would you deal with this if this was your daughter? SHOULD it be dealt with, or is this... harmless?

Edited by BRG253

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I call shenanigans. The hypothetical is absurd. A 15 year old girl's life, as any human being's, revolves around eating, drinking, sleeping, learning, pursuing happiness, producing, etc. The internet is not necessary for any of these things. A short period without it, followed by a closely monitored reintroductory period will, far from crushing her, make her a better person. In the meantime, it is wise to counsel her regarding her underlying problems. But saying there exists such a unique princess who needs her internet is BS.

Edited by FeatherFall

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I am guessing this isn't hypothetical?

What she is doing is against the law, and if it is your computer being used you have child porn on it. Now I don't think that this is really child porn or anything but that is what the law says. I would take the computer away and scrub your hardrives immediately.

I think its best for someone to figure out why this is what she wants to do.Then a very long complicated conversation has to be had about attention seekings, nudity, sex, the law, predators, pornography, etc. It might also be good to have any female role model (mother maybe) help her out with some of her problems she is having.

EDIT:

As far as needing the internet.

Are you isolated to the point that she needs the internet for education purposes?

Edited by Hairnet

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The girl is home schooled via the internet. She had to be withdrawn from public school over a year ago due to bullying. She is now isolated and has few friends in real life, but a literal army of followers on the internet.

Edited by BRG253

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Thinking back to when I was 15...

It would probably be embarrassing for anyone but her mother or other some such female mentor-type figure to discuss this with her, but she should at least be warned about possible internet sexual predators. A major stress should be given to the real danger of these types of characters.

Beyond that, I don't see a problem with her behavior. Teenagers are compact balls of sexual energy, and trying to suppress it is futile. I think pretty much any way that doesn't physically harm her can be considered a "healthy" sexual outlet.

Added: I see you added that she was badly bullied. That brings up possible issues I am not very familiar with, and this is probably a special kind of case where it would be necessary to know the girl in question well.

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I get this impression that this girl is isolated from her peers. She is also probably bored all day alone, and going through adolesence. The fact is right now, due to her isolation, there aren't going to be major consequences for her actions. She doesn't have a highschool that can embarass her about her nude photos on the internet

There are really two ways of dealing with this.

1) Get her a larger peer group she can be around on a day to day basis.

2) Explain to her the dangers of the internet, make sure she is doing this safely, and let her be.

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I'm sorry that my last post was overly harsh. I've got a two year old daughter and I'm not entirely used to these weird "papa-bear" emotions I've been feeling lately. I got this image of my daughter at 15, and it didn't sit well with me. Plus, I stayed up past my bedtime (shame on me). This all lead me to talk past your question.

I was thinking about replying in more depth, but a few people have already mentioned what I was thinking about, so I'll keep it short. It remains true that nobody needs the internet. But it's also true that the internet doesn't have to be completely taken away; I've already mentioned that its use can be monitored. I'm not talking about over-the-shoulder, "what websites are you on?," kind of monitoring. It seems that just having someone in the room when she's online would be enough to make sure she keeps her clothes on.

When you actually talk to her about it, it's important that she know

  • The risks involving violent predators.
  • The risks to her professional and social reputation.
  • The risks to her family from "well intentioned" government agencies.
  • Her own motivations behind the behavior.

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