Any tips for a real life Eddie Willers?

[Edwin]

Even before I read Atlas Shrugged, I have always thought of myself as Eddie Willers. I have a crush on the same girl as long as I can remember, but she married someone else, although she knows how I feel. I like to do charity occasionally, but it is not the purpose of my life. I am pretty damn serious about morality, but I lack something that my heroes have. My heroes can deal with anyone. I can't. I can only deal with a certain kind of people. And this has always been my Achilles heel.

Edited August 6, 2012 by Edwin

[Hairnet]

You brought up two really big problems, and you didn't really provide a lot of details, so this is me throwing darts.

1) How to deal with unrequited love.

Accept that she is out of reach, and actively avoid thoughts about "what could have been". Those sorts of fantasies cause pain and suffering and have nothing to do with reality. That woman was probably better off with that man, and you are probably better off with another woman even though it may not seem like it now. Don't let yourself spin a narrative in your head that you two were meant for one another or anything like that. She sounds really valuable, but there are a lot of really cool people out there in the world, there is no way she was the only one for you.

Idealizing people and creating narratives for your relationships is one of the most dangerous things you can do to yourself. It causes massive amounts of dissapointment when things don't work out (and even when they do). If this isn't your problem please don't be offended, it used to be a problem of mine when I was a teenager, that is why I mention it.

2) How to interact with people.

I find that a being productive, having hobbies that you enjoy, and execise make people confident and fun to be around. So I would suggest a life style change in order to make your life a better life before you worry about inviting others into your life. If you are having fun and living well, they will come, even if you are annoying and weird, they will get over it.

If your inability to interact with people if hurting your productive life (including school work) I would suggest seeing a councilor.

I think most psychology is BS, and I do not subscribe to self help psychology cults either.. The value of a councilor is that when your are going over your interactions with people after the fact, you have someone there to keep you honest (well try to at least) and ask the questions you may not have been able to ask.

Edited August 6, 2012 by Hairnet

[Nicky]

Eddie Willers wasn't a loser, or a bad man. He was in fact admirable in many ways, especially in the consistent way in which he followed his convictions and values. The cause of his pain was the world in which he lived, not the content of his character.

You don't live in the same world. You don't work for the woman you love, and you don't have a failing railroad you feel morally obligated to stick with (well, it wasn't a moral obligation, it was the only moral path available to Eddie - in his world, there was no one else worth working for but Dagny Taggart).

You have opportunities Eddie Willers didn't have. You can be successful on your own, and you can love someone else. There is no reason for you to sabotage your life over being rejected by a woman.

[Devil's Advocate]

Remembering that even heroes like Achilles have vunerabilities, you may find that on closer inspection your heroes have shortcommings too. I found I could identify with, and appreciated Eddie Willers better than the heroes of Atlas Shrugged, because while Dagny and John relied on him to pursue their lofty goals, in the end neither cared enough for him as a person to be included in Galt's Gulch. My tip to you is, don't measure your life by the acceptance or rejection of others.

"Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!" ~ Polonius, Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78–82

Edited August 8, 2012 by Devil's Advocate