Jump to content
Objectivism Online Forum
jennipher

My life may be hopeless and I want to die

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

First, I apologize for the dark post. I am not posting this in any way to garner sympathy, but only to promote my quest for clarity.

 

I am a 25 year old female. Due to a combination of adverse circumstances outside of my control, and my own failure to better cope with those circumstances, my life has degenerated to the point of being an ugly train wreck. I am suffering due to both a total lack of essential values and the presence of major negatives. I have strong doubts about whether it's possible to attain essential values like meaningful or even appropriate work and love. If I don't take decisive action soon, I am certain to face real hardship in the near future. It may be the case that any action will be futile and I'll end up facing hardship anyway.

 

It isn't certain that all is lost yet. There are certain courses of action still open to me. However, I am averse to them, because 1) the chances of success, although unknown, seem poor; 2) from my current perspective, the destinations to which they lead do not seem like values anyway, i.e. it seems that, at best, they would lead to mere survival, but not success or happiness, and at worst, they are outright objectionable; and 3) the road ahead is paved with all kinds of dangers and evils. I am unsure whether these premises are correct, but that is how things look to me.

 

Another factor complicating things is that I feel great uncertainty as to what course of action to take. There are many issues and sub-issues to consider in charting a course, and it’s too much for me to handle mentally. I'm just not strong enough to know what to do. I wish I was, but I am no Dagny.

 

Because of the bleak outlook, I'm straddling the fence on whether I wish to continue living, and leaning toward calling it quits. Even though I am not necessarily helpless, I feel that I have lost control of my destiny and that my ability to achieve happiness has been compromised to a degree that I don't want to accept. In the last few months, I have been unable to work up the will to take any action to help myself, even where there is everything to gain and nothing to lose, and on a daily basis I lapse in and out of wanting to make a try for it and wanting to end it depending on what thought I happen to be aware of at the moment. Rather than trying to move forward, I seem to be trying to convince myself that suicide is justified. With each day that passes, I am slowly letting go of the opportunities for action that remain.

 

I don't want to throw my life away unnecessarily out of cowardice, for irrational reasons, because my judgement is clouded or due to some character flaw that I'm unaware of. However, in my current mental state, even though some action is possible, I cannot see any opportunity for success and happiness, and therefore it "feels" like no worthwhile action is possible. I look at all of my options, and when my subconscious is done adding everything up, the resulting emotions are disgust, anxiety and fear, and I can’t act. I just hate the circumstances too much to deal with them.

 

The only thing that keeps me going is that maybe there is some chance of success that I just can’t see right now. Maybe I’m just so depressed that I’m unable to see the opportunities that may exist outside of my sphere of awareness. Maybe if I try something that I don’t want to try, even if I don’t think it will work, I’ll be pleasantly surprised and it will. Maybe my premises are wrong and my estimation of the situation is based on irrational emotions instead of facts.

 

My options are: 1) die, 2) take aggressive action to try to help myself and 3) to remain idle and do nothing as my life slips away. #3 is not acceptable.

 

Any advice?

 




 

Edited by jennipher

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Please take option 2.

Mental health professionals can help you survive train wrecks if you are unable to pull yourself out of it on your own. They can help sort through feelings, emotions, and thinking. They can help you see opportunities where you are unable to. Working on your moral character, self-esteem, can work towards self improvement.

Think of all the things you couldn't do or have or enjoy when dead. That gives me all the more reason to live. And a starting point: choosing to live, choosing to continue on.

Edited by intellectualammo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As the other posters suggested, it definitely sounds like you should consult a doctor about your suicidal feelings. Having to see a doctor is no failure on your part. In fact, acting to help your mental state is the opposite of failure, because you'd be taking some steps to dealing with your problem. I don't know what your specific issue, but mental health professionals are trained to help people with these troubles. A good one won't just prescribe some pills - they have knowledge and experience about thinking patterns that allows them to offer strategies and methods for helping you out. Cognitive behavioral therepy and dialectic behavioral therapy are just two possible things a doctor may provide or suggest.

Depression (if it turns out that's what you have) does cloud judgment. It affects how one thinks about and sees life. Depression is different for any person and not really a character flaw issue. People are able to learn new methods to deal with life, making stresses a little easier to deal with. Also, depression is comorbid with many other issues, so seeing a doctor may help find any possible underlying issues.

Yes, charting a course may right now be overwhelming for you to handle mentally right now. But at the very least, there are first steps to take even if you don't know where you'll end up. I can tell that you care about your life a great deal, that you want to do what you can. So, I hope you notice that.

What you can do for now is focus on whatever values you do have now. But, I don't know the status of your life, so I can't suggest anything specific for that right now. If you need someone to talk with, you can talk to me in a PM.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The only thing that keeps me going is that maybe there is some chance of success that I just can’t see right now.

 

 

Success at what? At love? work? relationships? gaining knowledge? sports? painting? hobbies? 

 

The statement that you seek success suggests that there is something you do value. I agree, seeing a doctor may be helpful. However, in the mean time, there are plenty of activities you can do to help you cope with stress. Stress is hard to deal with when you have one thing on your mind at all times. You need to find other activities that you genuinely enjoy doing and you need to take time out of your day to do them. Mine, for example, is working out. If I didn't work out (through boxing, weight lifting, running), I'd have trouble dealing with stress too.

Edited by thenelli01

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Success at what? At love? work? relationships? gaining knowledge? sports? painting? hobbies? 

 

The statement that you seek success suggests that there is something you do value. I agree, seeing a doctor may be helpful. However, in the mean time, there are plenty of activities you can do to help you cope with stress. Stress is hard to deal with when you have one thing on your mind at all times. You need to find other activities that you genuinely enjoy doing and you need to take time out of your day to do them. Mine, for example, is working out. If I didn't work out (through boxing, weight lifting, running), I'd have trouble dealing with stress too.

 

The first thing at which I need to succeed is attaining suitable employment of any kind. The second thing is finding a career, something I can do long-term. The impediments to both seem almost insurmountable. After that, I can start thinking about relationships.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No doubt, a doctor would probably be a good option. But, in case it isn't a good option for other reasons, like money or time, or even motivation, I'll tell you from experience that it's likely you'll find your way through this by yourself -- well, with the help of things like what you're doing here by seeking words from other kind people.

 

Think of your self-judged miserable life and circumstances as compared to a stick tied to a horse who is dragging it through the mud. You're the stick, your life is the mud, and "Life," everything else that exists, is the horse. The horse keeps dragging that stick, slowly but surely, on and on. He's not going to stop. The stick will just be drug in the mud until the horse reaches the grass, somewhere off, over there. You can be that stick, and make it out the other side pretty much unscathed, with just time and some bitterness with you now that it's done. Inaction, while "not acceptable" in an ideal sense, is a real and possible option. You could literally just stay miserable for a long time and let life drag you through its mud, whatever awfulness is the mud's consistency.

 

Eventually, time (even while miserable) while have given you opportunities to think, which in turn will change how you feel, even if ever so slightly. One of those days, maybe while in the mud, maybe not until life drags you to the grass, you're going to feel like being something other than miserable.

 

At least, that's how it worked out for me, and I'm pretty sure you could do it to. If you muster up enough before then to untie yourself and walk out of the mud, good for you. But if you don't, life will change you whether you like it or not.

 

 

Added at your reply:

You should definitely LOWER your standards. Standards are for people with normal levels of "feel good," so to speak. Wait until you feel better and then reevaluate your standards then. Until then, pick one thing, one single thing, and figure out how to get it. Employment is a decent place to start.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have strong doubts about whether it's possible to attain essential values like meaningful or even appropriate work and love...

 

It isn't certain that all is lost yet. There are certain courses of action still open to me. However, I am averse to them, because 1) the chances of success, although unknown, seem poor; 2) from my current perspective, the destinations to which they lead do not seem like values anyway, i.e. it seems that, at best, they would lead to mere survival, but not success or happiness, and at worst, they are outright objectionable; and 3) the road ahead is paved with all kinds of dangers and evils. I am unsure whether these premises are correct, but that is how things look to me...

 

 

Another factor complicating things is that I feel great uncertainty as to what course of action to take. There are many issues and sub-issues to consider in charting a course, and it’s too much for me to handle mentally. I'm just not strong enough to know what to do. I wish I was, but I am no Dagny.

It sounds like you've thought this out quite a bit.  That's awesome. It shows you're taking your life seriously and are honestly trying to discover what will make you happy (ie: your future values). Other posters have mentioned speaking to a doctor- I agree that that will definitely help you. Doctors deal with this stuff all the time! But I'd like to comment on the work issue that you brought up, and about your fear (or what I would call debilitating uncertainty) of the future. Obviously, not everyone is Dagny or Roark. As young children, Dagny knew she wanted to run TT and Roark knew that he wanted to be an architect. But it's extremely common for people to not know what they want to do with the rest of their lives, or where they're going to be 5 or 10 years down the road. Most people take jobs that are a) available to them, and B) sorta interesting. That's the magic equation: choosing something you like, learning more and more about it, checking out the future options that will be available to you if you continue down this path, then changing the course as necessary.

Thinking that 'the perfect job for you' or 'the perfect man for you' will just fall into your lap is unrealisitc, and ignores the huge amount of trial and error that it takes to discover your passions. Starting at the bottom of the tree, so to speak, in a crappy position, is normal in every field. You have to live with it for awhile, but once you get your foot in the door, you'll be able to set goals for yourself and climb the ladder. Do you want to be in your bosses shoes? How about her bosses? Maybe you'll hate the place you're working at and end up quitting. (No problem, it happens.) Or maybe you'll love it and want to continue in that line of work, or do a similar job at a different location. (Again, no problem- you can do it.) There will be tons of options available to you.. but notice that this is all dependent upon actually applying for and getting a job that sounds sorta interesting to YOU. That's the first step.

PS: Making an appointment with a career counselor at your local university or community college will also be helpful. Seriously, they hear things like this all the time: "This is where I'm at.. but I have no idea where I'm going with it. HELP!!" Their entire job is to explore the options available to you, discuss them with you and see what interests you, and to plan a course of action so that you'll know where and how to begin.

 

I'm very familiar with the thought "Where am I going to be 5, 10, or 20 years from now? What am I going to be doing? Who am I going to be with?!" Honestly, it's scary, because there's absolutely no way of knowing where we'll be or what we'll be doing in the future. But if you can get past that fear (which you can't do anything about, since we aren't time travelers!), you'll find it's also really exciting. There's a whole lot to look forward to.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Eioul, great post.

I'd like to add that when one's foot aches and nothing they do helps, then one goes to a doctor to find out what's going on with it. If ones stomach doesn't feel right or if you can't get rid of a cold, one should seek out a doctor. If one feels unhappy, or has some anxiety, or feelings of hopelessness, depressed, especially suicidally depressed, One should seek out mental health professionals.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi,

I read your post; I am a life coach who has some experience helping people who have reached the state you are in; I would very much like to help you, and help you to select a career that is worthwhile. Please message me about when we can talk, as soon as possible; it would be fine to talk here, but I would prefer if you could email me, because that is easier; I also think we should speak by phone, in the near future, since consulting about this by email is difficult.  

 

Email address: [email protected]

Please reply, and don't do anything to hurt yourself,

Talk soon.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with the above - in short: seeing a professional, "just do it." *insert trademark Nike swish*

 

Now, just because rationalizing away that it wouldn't help is indeed something likely to be very tempting, I'll add a little extra info. I'm also a 25 year old female and I've been dealing with depression for a few years. My issues seem to have some area of overlap with your own, though I can't say for sure since you (understandably) were rather vague about things. For the better part of a year early on I didn't want to bother going to a shrink because I really didn't think one could resolve my problems. (I didn't see a regular doctor either because I didn't see what could be wrong with me that they could do anything. I was right about the regular doctor though as eventual assortments of physical testing didn't turn up any other underlying conditions in my case. Still a good idea to try that first to rule things out.) I wound up trying a shrink though finally, after trying everything else I could think of, in the interest of exhausting all options. I wanted to make darn sure that there could be nothing said that I hadn't tried. I also was facing a growing pile of nearly inevitable failing grades at college though too and wanted to know if there was anything I could do to stave off the impending disaster (I first went to the school's counseling center.) So, I got told that I could get my grades wiped out if, among a few other conditions, I went to see a professional shrink on a regular basis for a while. Thus, I did so. Now, I'm not going to claim that doing this has resolved all my problems completely - after all, if that was the case I wouldn't refer to things to do with being depressed in the present tense - but I did find some positives to doing this. For one thing, having something to do to try to help yourself get better is a positive thing for one's mental health as opposed to sitting around doing nothing and feeling helpless. Psychologists and psychiatrists also have a lot of experience in dealing with depressed people, so they know a lot of practical things one can do to help manage their present day to day difficulties while they are still working on resolving their long term concerns. Having an official note from a psychological professional may get you some more leeway too in some possible areas of responsibility that you've found yourself unable to cope with well now. Now, ideally if you find a good CBT shrink, they will also be helpful in pointing out any potential flaws that may be involved in the mishmash of thoughts you have relating to your situation. This last point is the most valuable thing a shrink can do for you, but it may also be the hardest one to come by. You may need to sift through a lot of prospective shrinks before you find one that will be good for this point. If you can find somebody that fits this bill though it is worth all the effort. I know getting yourself to do things can be very difficult in the present situation, but if that's anything that would make you think it isn't worth bothering in the first place because you'd not end up following through with it, it may be encouraging to know that once I did decide to go try a shrink, making it to my appointments became the one thing I did find motivation for even while otherwise I could hardly get myself to get out of bed. You may be surprised how much less difficult it is to keep up with appointments than you might expect. If finances are an issue, I believe if you do some Googling you can find places that are run on donations and treat people for free. I'm pretty sure I recall seeing one such place in my area when I was looking around a while back.

 

Now, less directly on the topic of seeing a shrink, here's the main difference that stood out to me between how you spoke of your situation and how I see mine. No matter how bad things ever got, no matter how hopeless they ever seemed, I was never suicidal. I never have seen that as a potentially reasonable course of action for myself because I know very well that I'm not omniscient. I could still be missing something important that I have no idea about which may have made all the difference in the world. Though I may not have any new promising leads at any given moment, it's one of those things along the lines of "better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it." I definitely don't recommend giving up on oneself when there is any room for there to be a way to set things right again still.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Here's what I'm up against:

1. I have a serious health problem, rheumatoid arthritis, which although not disabling, prohibits me from performing most unskilled jobs, and all jobs that require prolonged standing or repetitive motion. I am not comfortable working in the kinds of jobs that remain open to me, i.e. clerical, secretarial or call center work.

2. At 25, I have no recent work experience or accomplishments, which probably sends up a HUGE red flag to employers that something is seriously wrong with me, which is true.

3. I have no skills, experience or useful education (just a useless Associate's degree) and a bad year of University.

4. I have no references.

5. The country is in an economic depression and the job market is cutthroat. At almost any job that I apply to, there are likely to be candidates far more qualified than me.

My options are:

1. Initiate a job hunt with incredibly bleak prospects, apply for jobs I don't want and falsely try to sell myself as the best candidate knowing that the odds of success are close to zero. Last time I attempted this I broke down in despair.

2. Go to school. But there is nothing that I want to go to school for and I can't stand the time commitment.

I have bern pondering this for months and can't will myself to do either.

Edited by jennipher

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If money isn't an urgent concern, just keep trying to get work. If you can't find a job you like, think up something (be creative) that you could be useful at or may actually like/tolerate for now, and search out to see if someone is already supplying said job through their organization. If not, you could figure out how to supply it by yourself. If money is urgent, you're just going to have to take one for the team (you) and do anything that will pay your bills until you can improve your life.

There are literally no kinds of people who are unemployable -- it's a matter of finding/making the job people will pay you for. That type of arrangement is also open for variation, and you can choose that given enough time and creativity to figure out how for yourself. You don't have to work for a company doing the same thing every day, even if it seems like that just because those are the only jobs advertised on Craigslist.

I once worked with a 350 lb lady who sat in a chair eating M&Ms and making phone calls all day. If there's work for her, there is definitely work for you.

Not to sound insensitive to your current state of despair, but you need to stop whining and get out there and DO things. You're obviously not dumb. Not dumb people will always figure it out given some time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Some security work doesn't involve standing, though a lot involve walking. But getting an ACT 235 you may need. I know at the hospital I work at as a janitor, they have contracted security outside and officers that work for us. One sits outside the ED.

I'd look at any jobs that you may be able to do with you qualifications and meets your needs. Possibly cashier work, ticket booths, etc. I can think of many offhand.

How are you living now? How do you afford to eat and so forth? Parents, boyfriend?

Edited by intellectualammo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Some security work doesn't involve standing, though a lot involve walking. But getting an ACT 235 you may need. I know at the hospital I work at as a janitor, they have contracted security outside and officers that work for us. One sits outside the ED.I'd look at any jobs that you may be able to do with you qualifications and meets your needs. Possibly cashier work, ticket booths, etc. I can think of many offhand.How are you living now? How do you afford to eat and so forth? Parents, boyfriend?

parents + disability...it has been my ambition to get off disability ever since I went on it, but I haven't been able to make it happen, despite having previously attempted both of the options I stated

Edited by jennipher

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

parents + disability...it has been my ambition to get off disability ever since I went on it, but I haven't been able to make it happen, despite having previously attempted both of the options I stated

 

Everyone has pain. I realize that arthritis is very painful, but you need to work through it. If you stop working, it just makes it harder to get back working. And when you baby yourself when you have pain, it tends to make it worse than it really is.

 

I don't know your specific situation, so if it really is impossible for you to work certain unskilled jobs, you need to find jobs that suit your ability. There are plenty of examples such as working a desk job, ticket booth, anything really. You need to be persistent.

 

I am struggling to believe that it is your ambition to get off disability. You have no skills, education, or experience, yet are unmotivated to go back to school to learn skills, get an education, and possible internship experience.

 

Here's what I'm up against:

1. I have a serious health problem, rheumatoid arthritis, which although not disabling, prohibits me from performing most unskilled jobs, and all jobs that require prolonged standing or repetitive motion. I am not comfortable working in the kinds of jobs that remain open to me, i.e. clerical, secretarial or call center work.

 

So, which kind jobs are you comfortable to work in that you are qualified for? That is the first question you need to answer and then we can start from there.

 

You also say you want to start a career eventually. Anything in mind?

Edited by thenelli01

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are lots of people out there with arthritis like you've got. Presumably there are places online for such people to talk about stuff to do with living with their condition. Have you looked around for these kinds of places? I would expect they would have gathered a lot of info on what kinds of jobs people with arthritis can do and you could get some ideas there.

 

"I am not comfortable working in the kinds of jobs that remain open to me . . ."

What is it about these things that makes you uncomfortable?

 

"At 25, I have no recent work experience or accomplishments, which probably sends up a HUGE red flag to employers . . ."

"At almost any job that I apply to, there are likely to be candidates far more qualified than me."

". . . knowing that the odds of success are close to zero."

That's a lot of speculation there and in no case does it mean things are guaranteed to be impossible even if your speculations are right as you seem to realize yourself already based on your wording. Have you tried asking around to people that do hiring if your work history would really be seen as such a "huge red flag"? Having a medical condition like arthritis I would expect if brought up is likely to assuage a lot of any possible concerns. After all, as long as you are applying for something you are physically capable of, the only real concern about the work history gap would be if you didn't get any employment for a long time due to some kind of character flaw that would make you an unreliable employee.

 

"The country is in an economic depression and the job market is cutthroat. . . ."

"Initiate a job hunt with incredibly bleak prospects, . . . Last time I attempted this I broke down in despair."

The job market is pretty shabby right now in general, as you know, and thus pretty much everybody is facing a tough time looking for work. Having it take a while to get a job is no special, personal failing. It's the norm. As for " . . . falsely try to sell myself as the best candidate . . ." They're adults doing the job hiring, I'm sure they are capable of making their own decisions and determination of who is and isn't qualified. As long as everything you tell them is true, you aren't somehow duping them if they determine that they think you really are the best candidate for the job. If you get a job, just try your best and then they can decide from there if they're happy with the results they see or if they want to try again to find somebody else for the position.

 

"But there is nothing that I want to go to school for . . ."

What interests do you have?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are no jobs for which I am qualified as far as I know. My prospects seem nonexistent.

School? It just seems insurmountable....first, knowing what field, then actually finishing, then actually landing a job... it seems like an impossibly far away target to hit.

Careers... as a result of years of inactivity and near complete value starvation, I've lost all contact with interests... the only things that I know interest me are ideas (Objectivism and Capitalism) and finance (investing). I admire tech products a great deal, but don't see myself as a software engineer... the shale revolution is awesome, but I don't know how to do anything related to that. I have some vague impression that teaching would be cool, but I could be wrong.

Edited by jennipher

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

School? It just seems insurmountable....first, knowing what field, then actually finishing, then actually landing a job... it seems like an impossibly far away target to hit.

 

Careers... as a result of years of inactivity and near complete value starvation, I've lost all contact with interests... the only things that Interest me are ideas (Objectivism and Capitalism) and finance (investing). I admire tech products a great deal, but don't see myself as a software engineer... the shale revolution is awesome, but I don't know how to do anything related to that. I have some vague impression that teaching would be cool, but I could be very wrong.

 

That's exactly what school is for- to help you discover what you want to do with your life and teach you the skills necessary to move forward. My advice: just focus on fixing one problem at a time. You can start small, by just taking one class that sounds interesting (maybe a basic finance class, or an economics class). If you like it, move onto the next class in that sequence. If you hate it, try a different one. Like you said earlier, you have nothing to lose- your finanical situation sounds okay, there's few jobs that you're presently qualified for, and you have your days and nights free. Since you have the time and money, you might as well try to find something that interests you and start learning skills in that field.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Presumably there are places online for such people to talk about stuff to do with living with their condition. . . . I would expect they would have gathered a lot of info on what kinds of jobs people with arthritis can do and you could get some ideas there." ;) Give it a try looking for ideas in those places if you haven't yet.

 

As for college to getting a job to making a career, it is a big thing, but the old saying along the lines of the longest journeys being made up of many small steps is true. I also agree with the above post that trying out classes in college can be a good way to find things that interest you. I'm pretty sure in most colleges you can take classes for free as long as you don't try to get credits for them if you want to try a wide variety of things, but are concerned about costs.

 

As for philosophy, finance, and technology, there's a lot of things in those areas you could do that revolve around writing, such as essays, analysis, product reviews and such. Writing should be something you could handle. Worst case scenario, if typing much is challenging, I know there are programs that convert speech to text. :) Teaching sounds like it should be do-able too.

 

Furthermore, in your concern about complete unemployability, I'm sure that's not true even right now. I have one relative who never had a job of any sort until she was middle aged. No special reason, she just, well, she was kind of lazy. She had no college experience and I'm not sure even if she had a high school diploma or GED. She still managed to get a job after she eventually went looking for a little while for one.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are no jobs for which I am qualified as far as I know. My prospects seem nonexistent.

 

You say that you are not qualified for unskilled jobs? Well, I can tell you that that is just not true. So let me get this straight, you can understand a complex philosophy like Objectivism, but cannot manage to figure out how to work even the most unskilled job? You first need to work on your self-esteem if you have such a low opinion of yourself.

 

I can tell from your writing ability that you are much more qualified for unskilled jobs than most of the people hired today. I work in retail (I am currently in college), and barely any of my co-workers can hold an intelligent conversation. Not only that, you seem very honest and nice, which will get you far.

 

Like I said, you need to decide which jobs you are comfortable to work in. And when I say comfortable, I mean physically comfortable. Mentally comfortable is not important. It is normal to feel apprehension when entering a new environment.

 

School? It just seems insurmountable....first, knowing what field, then actually finishing, then actually landing a job... it seems like an impossibly far away target to hit.

 

The only things that I know interest me are ideas (Objectivism and Capitalism) and finance (investing). I admire tech products a great deal, but don't see myself as a software engineer... the shale revolution is awesome, but I don't know how to do anything related to that. I have some vague impression that teaching would be cool, but I could be wrong.

 

 

You already have an associate's degree and a year at a University. Chances are that most of those credits will transfer into your new school (if you chose to go back) and it won't be as long as you think. It wouldn't hurt to figure that out. If you had a school in mind to go to, there is usually a list of which credits transfer on the website and you can see how you are in standing to graduate. Once you do that, it will make it easier to know whether or not you want to go back to school. What was your associate's degree in, by the way?

 

I don't think school is an imperative, however. I am actually really bored in school, but it is necessary if I want to be an accountant. Finance can be a great field to enter and it is great if that is what interests you. Again, these are decisions that need to be made.. But you don't want to overwhelm yourself. The first step needs to be getting a job in the immediate future. That will get you in the swing of things, so to speak. Then you will be able to decide whether or not you can handle school and employment or maybe there are better options for you.

 

You need to get yourself out there, that is the only way you will be able to achieve the goals you want to accomplish.

Edited by thenelli01

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I didn't know you were receiving disability. But since you are and are with your parents, this gives you an opportunity to figure things out for yourself.

Careers... as a result of years of inactivity and near complete value starvation, I've lost all contact with interests... the only things that I know interest me are ideas (Objectivism and Capitalism) and finance (investing).

I have no ambition in regards to a career. I dropped out of college, have no degrees, certifications, just a high school diploma. All I do is hold down a dead end job. But I find much value in reading, writing, listening to music, exercising... And I'm happy with just this. I make just enough to support myself so I can live life as a loner. I've been living like this for many many years. If you really don't want to be on disability, and can't work certain kinds of jobs, then you have to find one you can, or work towards a career that may require more schooling. Pursue those interests you have in ideas and finance. Those are at least values to you. If you are unable to will yourself to any kind of action, you should seek out a mental health professional to work through it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Depression is often a result of chemical shortage or imbalance. This can also be called brain disease. You should check it out. Drugs can help. Despite what Mr. Mackie says -- drugs are good, m'kay? ;)   

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I will tell you what I would do.  I would start researching your illness first of all to see if there is anything you can do to fix it.  If there was something wrong with my biology that hindered my life I would obsessively try to understand it and find the best way to make it go away.  You cannot rely on a doctor to do this for you just like you can't rely on the FDA to tell you what products are safe.  Many doctors today will do nothing the government doesn't approve them to do, they mostly practice medicine out of a manual.  They will also refuse to listen to anything they weren't taught in medical school.  I'm not saying all docotors are bad, it's mostly because they are such a regulated profession. 

 

I'm not saying this is definitely your answer because I haven't done enough research specifically on arthritis myself but it is a well established fact that sugar consumption causes inflammation and there are many who believe it is linked to auto-immune disorders.  I have read a lot of the literature on sugar and easily digestible carbohydrates and i stopped eating them all together as I see they are linked to almost every chronic illness we have today.  Even if you don't agree with me, you cannot refute the point that trusting a doctor is a very dangerous act (i could also speak from personal experience on this).  You have to actually read the literature he points to and see whether it makes sense.   I found this link in five seconds from google, there is a ton of literature out there.  Don't dismiss anything a priori because it isn't the currently accepted mainstream theory.  My advice is to keep pursuing knowledge and fighting because you are only 25, you still have a whole life to kill yourself down the road if the shit really hits the fan.  I think I'm going to do more research on this illness as well.

 

  http://robbwolf.com/2012/05/07/medically-confirmed-rheumatoid-arthritis-remission/

 

Here is a quote from H.L. Mencken on why he advocates against comitting suicide even if things look bleak.

 

"Speaking for myself, I don't recall a single day in my life when I was contented with my lot, though as human destiny runs, it has been a not unfortunate one. Worse, I have got to a point. in my old age, that I can't imagine any concrete amelioration: experience has taught me that what I want today will only upset me if I get it tomorrow. But to give us hope is surely not the same as to embrace despair. The show remains engrossing, though it is no longer exhilarating. The horror of week after next will at least be a new one. It may be any one of ten dozen: I find myself vaguely eager to know which it is to be. Thus I advise against suicide. Life may not be exactly pleasant, but it is at least not dull. Heave yourself into Hell today, and you may miss, tomorrow or next day, another Scopes trial, or another War to End War, or perchance a rich and buxom widow with all her first husband's clothes. There are always more Hardings hatching. I advocate hanging on as long as possible."

 

There are too few people in the world capable of dealing with ideas like you show yourself to be which is another reason you should stick around and keep growing your mind.  Being on disability isn't such a big deal, you have your whole life ahead of you to be taxed to Hell once you get a job.  Also you should exhaust every option with your illness before doing anything hasty on account of it.  You also still have plenty of time to figure out what you are passionate about and pursue it eventually.  As a fellow young person in today's world this is what I would do.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×