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30 year old man in love with 16 year old girl

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I am in love with a young woman whom I am not a suitable match for, one reason for which is that I am 30 and she is 16. It's strictly a fantasy; I neither pursue nor make my feelings known to her and will never do so. I simply admire her from afar without interfering in her life. However, in private, am in love with her and practically worship her like a celebrity and collect pictures of her (I refrain from masturbating to her because doing so makes me feel guilty). Due to deficiencies in my life that I consider unfixable, I have given up on dating for the foreseeable future, if not indefinitely, so I can't get a woman my own age (because of my love for the girl in question, I feel as though I don't want another anyway). Do you think my behavior is creepy, immoral or self-destructive?

Edited by asdfghjkl

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My question  on this thread , is, this is a moderated forum, yes? Hello Moderators!!

 

I fail to see why my post should be of interest to the moderators. I didn't admit to or advocate doing anything criminal.

Edited by asdfghjkl

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I fail to see why my post should be of interest to the moderators. I didn't admit to or advocate doing anything criminal.

Dude you are a poser and creepy, how the hell is a forum supposedly dedicated to discussing the philosophy of Objectivism even tangentially associated with your post? Bugger off.

Edited by tadmjones

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I am in love with a young woman whom I am not a suitable match for, one reason for which is that I am 30 and she is 16. It's strictly a fantasy; I neither pursue nor make my feelings known to her and will never do so. I simply admire her from afar without interfering in her life. However, in private, am in love with her and practically worship her like a celebrity and collect pictures of her (I refrain from masturbating to her because doing so makes me feel guilty). Due to deficiencies in my life that I consider unfixable, I have given up on dating for the foreseeable future, if not indefinitely, so I can't get a woman my own age (because of my love for the girl in question, I feel as though I don't want another anyway). Do you think my behavior is creepy, immoral or self-destructive?

Depends. What are these defficiencies in your life, that prevent you from dating? Are they really un-fixable? Edited by Nicky

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Nicky hit it, I think. You're unlikely to have a fulfilling longterm relationship with a 16-year-old, sexual or otherwise, putting aside cultural stigmas. Today's cultural reality means that you're asking for trouble keeping pictures, much less engaging with the girl.

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Nicky hit it, I think. You're unlikely to have a fulfilling longterm relationship with a 16-year-old, sexual or otherwise, putting aside cultural stigmas. Today's cultural reality means that you're asking for trouble keeping pictures, much less engaging with the girl.

 

I don't expect a relationship (sexual or otherwise), nor plan to engage her.

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The circumstances of my life are largely beyond by control and I've basically given up on achieving self-esteem or happiness. I'm just surviving now.

 

Depends. What are these defficiencies in your life, that prevent you from dating? Are they really un-fixable?

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I don't expect a relationship (sexual or otherwise), nor plan to engage her.

Then what's the problem?

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The circumstances of my life are largely beyond by control and I've basically given up on achieving self-esteem or happiness. I'm just surviving now.

Why are you so vague about this? You just finished posting a very personal detail of your life on the Internet, so it can't be because you're trying to be private. What are these problems that stopped you from dating? Edited by Nicky

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Then what's the problem?

 

I just want to know if there's anything inherently wrong with a 30 year old man closely following the online life of a16 year old girl....I'm sure she'd be beyond creeped out if she knew.

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Oh, so you don't know her in real life? If that's the case, you probably just like her appearance (as you would like a celebrities, without actually knowing them). That is far from real love. I agree that it is self destructive, creepy, and immoral: self-destructive- because you like someone you can't have or even become close to; creepy- because you said yourself that she would be creeped out if she knew you were collecting pictures of her. (In other words, your acts would make her extremely uncomfortable); immoral- because it's self-destructive and most likely dissatisfying.


Edit:

I just want to know if there's anything inherently wrong with a 30 year old man closely following the online life of a16 year old girl....

 

I think Objectivists would say yes to this Q for the reasons above. But if you were to ask a Q more general, such as, 'Is there anything inherently wrong with an older man dating a younger woman?' I think the answer would be no, there is nothing inherently wrong with that- there are multiple factors that would need to be considered here, depending on context.

Edited by mdegges

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I just want to know if there's anything inherently wrong with a 30 year old man closely following the online life of a16 year old girl....I'm sure she'd be beyond creeped out if she knew.

Objectivism isn't compatible with moral absolutism. There is nothing inherently wrong with anything. Whether there's anything wrong with what you claim to be doing, depends on the circumstances you are refusing to provide.

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Objectivism isn't compatible with moral absolutism. There is nothing inherently wrong with anything. Whether there's anything wrong with what you claim to be doing, depends on the circumstances you are refusing to provide.

 

Agreed:  Although, a normally developed male (mentally, i.e. emotionally and cognitively) in his 30s will likely have different very values, experiences, knowledge, and goals from a "normally" developed female in her late teens/early 20s.

 

Unless the woman is exceptionally experienced, accomplished, and mature emotionally and cognitively etc.  OR unless the man is exceptionally UNDER developed there generally will not be the conditions for what objectivists define as a state of love ever occurring between the two or even one for the other.

 

If one were to speculate one could say that, probabilistically speaking, "real" romantic love (according to objectivism) is likely not actually being experienced by the man (irrespective of whether or not this would or even could be reciprocated by the female).

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