changing ones outlook on life

[ironworks soundlabs]

I have had several experiances that have lead to me readjusting my whole mind frame to view life from a different light. Most of them are negative, such as being robbed at gunpoint, being arrested, my grandmother dying, and my last girlfriend's personality. I have come along way in the past year by placing myself in an environment where my mind frame changed naturally. By working out, going to school, and making music. I have created a new life that is operating very close to where I want it to be, however, there is still an aspect of my life that needs serious work: Interpersonal communication skills.

The past years in near social isolation have led to some very bad habits, such as the need to get severely intoxicated to go out to the clubs. Hell, I can't even go out anymore because I get severely drunk, depressed, and end up embarassing myself. The only "cure" I can think of is social isolation, which will only make the problem worse.

I spend all my time working to better myself, yet my interpersonal skills are getting weaker, and weaker. It almost feels as if I don't fit in with any body. As someone pointed out here, this is a subconcious development that has been created with help from the multitude of other mental illness mother nature has blessed me with.

I am curious if anyone else has dealt with similiar problems. As much as I try to rationalize these things I do notice sometimes I feel completely alone. I do suffer from a bipolar illness, so this might be the root of the problem. I have heard that the ends of the illness can develop more as one gets older.

This is a problem that I feel is seriously holding me back, and I need to find a comprehensive plan to solve it with. (I am checking into therapy).

[Dominique]

I am curious if anyone else has dealt with similiar problems. As much as I try to rationalize these things I do notice sometimes I feel completely alone. I do suffer from a bipolar illness, so this might be the root of the problem. I have heard that the ends of the illness can develop more as one gets older.

This is a problem that I feel is seriously holding me back, and I need to find a comprehensive plan to solve it with. (I am checking into therapy).

I identify with almost everything you have written. For a long time I looked to psychology as a way to understand myself and life. Ayn Rand has an excellent essay in The Voice of Reason which discusses "psychologization" . You might want to check that out if you haven't read it already. I knew as soon as I started reading Ayn Rand that this was one of the major errors I had made, looking to psychology for answers. If you are diagnosed bipolar, you may be in different circumstances than me, as I have never been formally diagnosed with anything. My brother has been in and out of hospitals though and I never agreed with the tendancies toward medication and rehashing family memories. I was always looking for the "what do I do about it" and was never satisfied with Pschology's answers. The thing I like the best, is "check your premises". I have alot that needs working through also, but that is why I am tearing through all the Objectivist philosophy. I bought every book of hers I could find at my local store. I realized that alot of my problems came from not knowing the reasons behind my feelings, letting emotion be a guide, and always feeling that I was wrong, instead of holding true to my convictions in the face of a world that doesn't make sense. I was too quick to value others above myself, and to accept guilt for my "selfishness". I moved here by myself two years ago from the town I grew up in, and it's been rough. I came from somewhere that I knew almost everyone and had for years, to somewhere new, and there has been tons of adjusting.

One step at a time. I think a fully integrated philosophical base is the best place to start. I described it in another thread as a love affair with yourself, getting to know those parts you might have been hiding from yourself. I think dishonesty is a major factor in what can make social situations hard. Dishonesty about your motives, expectations, trying not to let the other peron really "see" you. If you develop your philosophy you will be able to approach people with no "need" which is debilitating to social interaction. Like the quote from Anthem

"I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction."

[ironworks soundlabs]

I identify with almost everything you have written. For a long time I looked to psychology as a way to understand myself and life. Ayn Rand has an excellent essay in The Voice of Reason which discusses "psychologization" . You might want to check that out if you haven't read it already. I knew as soon as I started reading Ayn Rand that this was one of the major errors I had made, looking to psychology for answers. If you are diagnosed bipolar, you may be in different circumstances than me, as I have never been formally diagnosed with anything. My brother has been in and out of hospitals though and I never agreed with the tendancies toward medication and rehashing family memories. I was always looking for the "what do I do about it" and was never satisfied with Pschology's answers.

Interesting, I went through the same thing with psychology. When I first got back to school I was convinced I wanted to do psychology, more specific, neurotechnology. I had ran into Ayn Rand along the way, but never really paid much attention to her work. Eventually I had to take a temperament test, and I find out I shared the same temperament as Ayn Rand (INTJ). I bought Atlas Shrugged, banged through it in a couple weeks, and I was hooked from then on out. I believe that using this philosophy to help shape my belief system will do more for me then psychology ever would. Neuroscience may show me why, but I feel philosophy will show me how.

The thing I like the best, is "check your premises". I have alot that needs working through also, but that is why I am tearing through all the Objectivist philosophy. I bought every book of hers I could find at my local store. I realized that alot of my problems came from not knowing the reasons behind my feelings, letting emotion be a guide, and always feeling that I was wrong, instead of holding true to my convictions in the face of a world that doesn't make sense. I was too quick to value others above myself, and to accept guilt for my "selfishness". I moved here by myself two years ago from the town I grew up in, and it's been rough. I came from somewhere that I knew almost everyone and had for years, to somewhere new, and there has been tons of adjusting.

I am quite used to moving, so this was a naturally action for me to take. I must say that I have found that single phrase to be incredibaly helpful in many instances of my life. For instance, I had believed for the longest time that I was a product of my environment, and that I couldn't change the nature of my mind. I thought I was a worthless druggie, and that I was destined to be in and out of jail my whole life. I eventually realized that I had came to this conclusion using faulty logic. Even though I went threw severe emotional trauma as a child, what I do with my life as an adult is my own decision. I had created an opinion of my life using the premises the police, my family, and people I came across used to describe my existence. The whole time I was operating on faulty premises, and a belief that I was a product of society. Overcomming those obstacles helped me tremendously, and more and more I was able to see worth in my existence.

One step at a time. I think a fully integrated philosophical base is the best place to start. I described it in another thread as a love affair with yourself, getting to know those parts you might have been hiding from yourself.

I totally agree

I think dishonesty is a major factor in what can make social situations hard. Dishonesty about your motives, expectations, trying not to let the other person really "see" you. If you develop your philosophy you will be able to approach people with no "need" which is debilitating to social interaction.

This is interesting, as I find myself thinking I have to be dishonest in my social interactions. When I meet people I always think to establish common ground, but in reality, I don't have much in common with most people I meet. I feel the need to conceal my identity to the other person, as most people get pissed when I talk about my views on morality, and how righteous rational selfishness is. I don't care about celebrity break ups, cars, the new mall, or the frat boys house party. I would rather talk about music or philosophy. This is, however, something people tend to get pissed at me for for some odd reason. It's like everyone I meet around here doesn't care about their own lives, only the business in other people's lives.

Like the quote from Anthem

"I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction."

That is a good quote. I will remember that one.

[Dominique]

This is interesting, as I find myself thinking I have to be dishonest in my social interactions. When I meet people I always think to establish common ground, but in reality, I don't have much in common with most people I meet. I feel the need to conceal my identity to the other person, as most people get pissed when I talk about my views on morality, and how righteous rational selfishness is. I don't care about celebrity break ups, cars, the new mall, or the frat boys house party. I would rather talk about music or philosophy. This is, however, something people tend to get pissed at me for for some odd reason. It's like everyone I meet around here doesn't care about their own lives, only the business in other people's lives. 

I have that problem, where people are always telling me to "relax", "not take things so seriously", "slow-down". When my relationships have ended, it's been on matters of principle which I wouldn't compromise on, even before I read any Ayn Rand. I have no shortage of friends, but maintaining them is alot of effort at compromise and "keeping my mouth shut" I'm wondering how many will last through my integration of this philosophy. I have a feeling it's going to decrease the quantity but increase the quality. Although I'm so smitten with Ayn I could keep company with just her and my computer and be totally fulfilled

[redfarmer]

Now, be careful both of you not to condemn all of psychology. There is good psychology among the bad.

Before Ayn Rand dissociated herself from him, Nathaniel Branden, a psychologist, provided many articles on psychological topics, some of which are reprinted in The Virtue of Selfishness. Among the most prominent Objectivist psychologists today are Dr. Ellen Kenner and Dr. Michael J. Hurd. Psychology has its place.

If you're interested in a rational psychological treatement, Dr. Kenner has frequently recommended cognitive therapy. Cognitive therapy seeks to get to the root of psychological disorders and uncover the faulty premises. You can find out more information at The Academy of Cognitive Therapy's website.

I get what you're saying, though. Most of what people label as being psychological is actually philisophical.

[ironworks soundlabs]

I have that problem, where people are always telling me to "relax", "not take things so seriously", "slow-down". When my relationships have ended, it's been on matters of principle  which I wouldn't compromise on, even before I read any Ayn Rand. I have no shortage of friends, but maintaining them is alot of effort at compromise and "keeping my mouth shut" I'm wondering how many will last through my integration of this philosophy. I have a feeling it's going to decrease the quantity but increase the quality. Although I'm so smitten with Ayn I could keep company with just her and my computer and be totally fulfilled

haha I like this one the most: "I have a feeling it's going to decrease the quantity but increase the quality." I would hope to eventually establish a connection like that with another human being. I only really get two forms of social interaction outside of the internet. The first is my roomate, who is very right-wing - borderline fascist that is. Most of the people the fit in her category have philosophical opinions that are derived from the Bible. Those conversations bore me to death. The other type of people I know are exactly as you described, that is, they are always telling me to "relax" and "slow-down." Needless to say, conversations with these people bore me as well. It really would be a chore to keep most of these relationships alive, so asides from my roomate and her boyfriend (who I love to death), I really don't work at maintaining much other human contact. Fortunately I have come across several sites like this, where I occasionally meet a person or two who sees eye-to-eye with me on certain things. Although I have yet to develop such a fascination with Ayn Rand, I totally get what your saying. If I had the financial ability to lock myself in my studio and create...nobody would see me asides from my roomates for our daily wieghtlifting sessions.

[ironworks soundlabs]

Now, be careful both of you not to condemn all of psychology. There is good psychology among the bad.

Before Ayn Rand dissociated herself from him, Nathaniel Branden, a psychologist, provided many articles on psychological topics, some of which are reprinted in The Virtue of Selfishness. Among the most prominent Objectivist psychologists today are Dr. Ellen Kenner and Dr. Michael J. Hurd. Psychology has its place.

If you're interested in a rational psychological treatement, Dr. Kenner has frequently recommended cognitive therapy. Cognitive therapy seeks to get to the root of psychological disorders and uncover the faulty premises. You can find out more information at The Academy of Cognitive Therapy's website.

I get what you're saying, though. Most of what people label as being psychological is actually philisophical.

I totally agree with what you are saying on cognitive psychology. My general psychology teacher, who fully aroused my interested in studying the mind, is a cognitive psychologist. He would totally agree with me when I would point out that most of the early psychologists were operating primarily on theories that couldn't be scientifically tested at the time, and were mostly hypotheses (such as Freud, and Jung). I had many conversations with him and he helped me realize how important philosophy was, and that psychologists need to start examining how and why we are conscious. In a sense, our conversations led me to neuroscience, which eventually led me to my fascination in philosophy.

[Dominique]

Now, be careful both of you not to condemn all of psychology. There is good psychology among the bad.

Psychology has its place.

Oh absolutely, I was very interested in the field for a very long time. But I personally was looking to psychology for philosophy, that's what I turned to for answers to explain myself and other people when I realized religion didn't work for me at all, and so all I found was a lot of deterministic excuse making and not alot of practical "answers". The error was in my approach most likely. I am going to check out the links you gave though. Thanks