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The Art of Erotic Talk — Free Webinar Sunday 9/22

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Join me for a free Webinar in conjunction with my Leading Man romance blog on Sunday, September 22, 2013 at 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 8 p.m. Central / 9 p.m. Eastern — all about the art of erotic talk!

 

Click here to RSVP for this FREE online event

 

What sexy visuals are to a man, the right words can be to a woman.

 

In this live & interactive program, I'll talk about how a man can most effectively use language to activate a woman's imagination, access her fantasy life, and turn her on from the inside out.

 

Some of what we'll cover:

 

* The sacred relationship women have with words; why certain statements expressed at key moments can have an explosive effect.

 

* Why it's not so much what you say, it's what you IMPLY that matters most.

 

* How to raise the impact of your erotic talk by mastering poetry and metaphor.

 

* Specific words, sentences and phrases I've collected over the years — my own personal "swipe file" of sexy statements which you can start putting to use immediately.

 

When you understand the power of erotic talk, you have a potent tool for stimulating a woman’s mind and senses.

 

Sign up, tune in, and take notes!

 

RSVP here: http://www.LeadingManBlog.com/Webinar

 

Please note: Due to the mature nature of this program, you must be 18 years of age or older to attend.

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well doesnt this boil down to the idea that women have innate concepts?

 

No, women do not hold innate concepts, and neither do men. But women and men are not the same psychologically; there are important differences between the sexes which tend to be most pronounced (and also most significant) in the area of romance & sex.

 

By understanding and appreciating these differences, a heterosexual man can greatly improve the overall quality of his romantic relationships.

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well then differences of man and women are metaphysical by nature, now metaphysical conditions can lead to different value-judgments and that leads to different subconscious evaluations (psychology is the study of the subconscious from a medical perspective) and emotions, in that sense they will have a different psychology but to say a women will respond because she is a women implies that values are intrinsic and women evaluate them innately. 
Though it is reasonable to say a women that you will want to be with will hold the same values but evaluate things differently because you are metaphysically different

 

P.S. i leave out the difference between psycho-epidemiological capacities between women and men because it is vague scientifically and not directly relevant to the discussion, though i see it more pluasable that men have a greater deviation in intelligence.

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If what a man is saying is not matching what he is implying, then there's a more fundamental problem.

 

Also, if a guy is focusing on trying to insert poetry and metaphor in his conversation and is relying on a "swap file" of rote statements, instead of learning how to be real and authentic, then there is another fundamental problem. 

 

Once again Kevin, you're giving bad advice to people. I hope no one listens. If someone does, I hope they quickly realize what sort of thin facade they were building, drop it, and start building true character fitted on a foundation of solid ethical beliefs.

Edited by secondhander

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Also, who is going to want a person who falls for scripted dialogue?

 

Great point. Shouldn't we want a partner who has the values that we also seek to have in ourselves? I want a partner who is authentic, who knows what she believes, who speaks her mind, who doesn't try to manipulate, who doesn't try to impress, who doesn't rely on a bag of rote statements to try to convince anyone that she's sexy (because the very act of trying to convince someone of your sexiness is so un-sexy and indicative of low self-esteem).

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If I went by what my critics say about me, I'd hate me too!

Happily, as usual, my critics are way off-base -- both about my ideas, and the content of my program.

Authenticity & genuineness are ESSENTIAL in creating a meaningful romantic/sexual connection. Everything I will discuss in the Webinar supports that idea.

Most of what I have to say on this topic pertains to a man talking to a woman during sex. A major complaint of women is that men are uncommunicative in bed; they would like for a man to express more verbally, in words and in full sentences, rather than mere groans & grunts.

Men don't talk in sex, largely because they don't know what to say. My program will cover categories of statement which can help a man to express -- genuinely and authentically -- what he wants, how he feels, and his desire for the woman he's with, and to do so in ways which are meaningful & sexually stimulating to HER.

secondhander says he hopes no one listens to my Webinar. I hope that many people will tune in, and evaluate my ideas on this subject for themselves.

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At least you elaborated and addressed "your critics" this time.

But to play Devil's Advocate, why shouldn't "a woman" cater to "a man" instead and just be quiet?

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So, you're going to present, as you say, "Specific words, sentences and phrases I've collected over the years — my own personal "swipe file" of sexy statements which you can start putting to use immediately." And these specific words and statements from your personal swipe file "pertains to a man talking to a woman during sex." (Emphases mine.)

 

Does that mean you want other guys to say the phrases that you've personally used, and said to a woman during sex?

 

Leaving the ewe factor aside, it would be one thing teach a general principle and say, "Hey guys. You don't have to be completely quiet during sex. You can talk and discuss things with your partner." That's all fine and great, and I'd agree with that idea. But when you go an extra step and try to offer guys unoriginal (to them) phrases for them to memorize and say during sex, you are not teaching them to be authentic and natural. You are teaching them to sputter out phrases that are not their own. Above you said you would teach "categories" of statements to say. And if this means principles, and not specific phrases and words, then I wouldn't necessarily have fault with it. But it appears by what you've written that it's not just that, that it's "specific words, sentences and phrases I've collected over the years — my own personal "swipe file" of sexy statements."

 

Additionally, and I know this from reading your previous posts, you advocate a traditionally conservative relationship dynamic that I believe to be flawed, harmful, and sexist. Let me know if I am wrong in this assessment: I am guessing that you believe that if two people have sex and issue grunts and groans and "oh gods" and [other things that I will not type here], with no full sentences, that you would take issue with it and feel that it was too animalistic and not how romantically inclined people express themselves during sex. Is that your position, or am I off?

 

What I'd do

If it were me, the principle I'd tell guys is that every sexual relationship, and even individual sexual sessions (for lack of a better term), may have slightly different communication dynamics. And every partner will be a bit different as well. Sometimes full sentences and clear, open communication are needed and desired. (Clear communication is definitely needed before sex, so that everyone can be clear on consent.)

 

But during sex, sometimes passionate grunts and groans are fantastic. And if you have a night of mind-blowing sex, maybe grunts and groans are all that's needed. And trust me, the woman you have that mind-blowing sex with won't be bothered in the least by the lack of full sentences. Don't be fooled into letting someone convince you otherwise: Women like a good romp as much as men do. 

 

But what I wouldn't say to guys, if they sought some kind of advice from me, is to "say this phrase at this time during sex." First of all, any phrase I might say during sex would not be from some rote "file" in my mind. It would fit into the context of whom I was with, what we were doing, how we were feeling, and what was going on in that moment. Every other guy is going to have their own specific experiences with specific and different people. Further, you ought to be wanting to teach men to truly be authentic. If you are teaching them specific phrases to utter during sex, or during a date, or anytime, then you are not really teaching guys how to be fully authentic.

 

How it ought to work

This is how the process ought to work: The right ethic ---> The right fundamental beliefs ---> The right character ---> the right interpersonal relationship skills ---> the right kinds of words.

 

And those words will not be canned material that someone else told them to say, because it was a good thing for them to say this one time with this one girl in a particular situation.

 

It appears to me that, in your instruction of guys, you want to jump right to the "interpersonal skills" and "words" part (which is where the canned material comes in). Where I've seen you advocate for your traditional dating paradigm and relationship belief system, I've found tremendous faults. I won't linger on it too much now, but we can get into that later if you want. The main point here is that if you teach somebody the right ethic and the right fundamental beliefs, in terms of relationships and relating to people, then they will begin to use interpersonal relationship skills and words that fit into that fundamental structure and it will begin to come naturally to them. They won't have a need for any rote material.

 

If a guy fails to address "the right ethic" and "the right beliefs" and starts with trying to use specific gimmicks and words that someone else told him to use, he will be nothing more than a facade of a person; a character portrayed with the goal of trying to fool some woman into thinking he is sexy. And he will be a relationship con-artist, because even if the woman is fooled temporarily, she will eventually see through the millimeter-deep covering to find out that what the guy was offering is not what he is actually able to provide, or ever was.

 

Authenticity & genuineness are ESSENTIAL in creating a meaningful romantic/sexual connection.

 

 

Hear, hear. So then, why are you trying to teach people to use rote words and phrases at specific times.  

 

A major complaint of women is that men are uncommunicative in bed

 

 

Yes, uncommunicative in the complete sense of the term. But you can be communicative and natural during sex without saying much in the way of complete sentences. And sometimes you can say complete sentences. It just depends.

 

Women are often talking about a guy who is so nervous and unnatural that he clams up and is rigid as well as being stone quiet. But there's another sense in which women (and everyone, really) appreciate communication, and this does speak to the use of words and full sentences. It's when you ask, "Does this hurt/feel good? Do you like it when I do this? Do you want to do this?" That's totally cool too. Although you can work some of that out beforehand, or after so you'll know them the next time.

 

These are principles, though. You won't catch me telling a guy who is seeking my advice to say exactly such-and-such phrase at such-and-such time. If I did that, and if he accepted that advice, then I'd be furthering him down the road of his fundamental problem. Instead of teaching him how to be completely self-approved -- living by the right fundamental values, making his own words to speak -- I'd be telling him to adopt my personality and my phrases. That would hurt him in the way of personal growth, not help him.

 

Questions for you:

1. Do you you believe that if two people have sex, and make grunts and groans and "oh gods," etc., with no full sentences, that you would feel that it was not how romantically inclined people express themselves during sex?

2. These phrases from your swap file. Are they specific phrases you've used during sex? Are you going to be discussing phrases that are used outside of sex?

3. Weird question I know, but I am asking it seriously because I'm curious about something. Do you think there are some sex positions that are immoral for a "leading man" to do? Like (ahem) cowgirl. Does that give up too much power to the woman in the act of sex in your view of things? Or does it not matter one bit? You don't have to elaborate, I'm not trying to embarrass anyone. Just a succinct yes or now type answer works here.

Edited by secondhander

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I am guessing that you believe that if two people have sex and issue grunts and groans and "oh gods" and [other things that I will not type here], with no full sentences, that you would take issue with it and feel that it was too animalistic and not how romantically inclined people express themselves during sex. Is that your position, or am I off?

 

You are indeed "off" — quite severely so. But then, your responses to me nearly always are, so it isn't too surprising.

 

But when you go an extra step and try to offer guys unoriginal (to them) phrases for them to memorize and say during sex, you are not teaching them to be authentic and natural. You are teaching them to sputter out phrases that are not their own.

There is no way I can discuss this topic in a way which helps men, without providing specific examples of what I'm talking about.

 

Some years ago, a girlfriend of mine expressed that she liked a particular line from a movie — a statement said by a man to a woman in an intimate context. Later, at an appropriate moment, I whispered the same line into her ear. The effect it had on her was extremely positive.

 

I sputtered out that phrase which was not my own on several other occasions with her, always with happy results. Would you suggest that I was wrong to do so?

 

Overwhelmingly, the problem that is reported by women is that men are predictable and unexciting in romance & sex. I have never heard a woman complain that her boyfriend/husband spoke a beautifully erotic line of poetry to her, but she didn't like it because she suspects that he might have gotten it from a book.

 

Any technique which blasts boredom, smashes routine, and stimulates a woman in the direction of ecstasy is good and ought to be made use of to the fullest extent possible.

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i always say to women when i meet them: 
i see your lonely, i also like being alone, want to be alone together?
now its good because all people that meet and get together want to be alone together and need to be with someone else with something valuable to them.
its so witty and concise it puts James Bond to shame.

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You are indeed "off" — quite severely so. But then, your responses to me nearly always are, so it isn't too surprising.

 

And yet you haven't told me how, nor did you answer any of my questions or address my points. Which, also, isn't surprising, since you never seem to.

 

Any technique which blasts boredom, smashes routine, and stimulates a woman in the direction of ecstasy is good and ought to be made use of to the fullest extent possible.

 

 

Of course. I didn't advocate for boredom or routine, did I? And yet you want guys to use rote material that they have memorized. It's like you're not even comprehending my points, and not seeing that your advice ends up advancing "routines" instead of natural spontaneity. 

 

It also doesn't matter if a certain line "works" or not. I could tell you a on of lines and routines and tactics, ones you could learn from the pick-up community, and they "work" oftentimes. But at what cost? At the cost of creating a false persona in order to fool someone. And when that woman realizes eventually that much of what you said was canned, taken from other guys, or taken from movies, she's going to see the real you -- that you are not original and not natural, and weren't self-confident enough to just be yourself in front of her.

Edited by secondhander

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I also notice you used the qualifier "heterosexual" this time, which I hadn't noticed in your other posts. That's great, now you're admitting that your "principles" don't work for all men, with the important variable once again "Her," the "woman."

I use all these scare quotes because, as has been pointed out so many times to you before, your principles either are not principles, or they really only work for a very small group of people -- namely those people who are really just cardboard cutouts or have very weak personalities. You never explain how your rules could possibly apply to every single "woman" or "man," and instead mock people for being gender-bending new-age college idiots. Then you go even further and claim that your ideas couldn't possibly be explained to those who would question your gender premises. So convenient...

So as I've posted before, why do you post this stuff on OO.net when the audience who responds to you at minimum doesn't get what you're talking about, but in most cases questions your entire premises, whereupon you become somewhat hostile and refuse to discuss? Why not just stick to your blog, which isn't a forum where the basic idea is to discuss things?

Edited by JASKN

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