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KevinD

She Wants a Man With a Slow Hand

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(This is an article I wrote for my romantic advice blog for men, The Leading Man.)
 
In 1981, The Pointer Sisters released a song called "Slow Hand." I strongly suggest you familiarize yourself with its lyrics:

I want a man with a slow hand

I want a lover with an easy touch

I want somebody who will spend some time

Not come and go in a heated rush


You might have noticed that virtually every "pick-up artist" selling a course on the Internet emphasizes the importance of speed.

Years ago, one of the first prominent gurus in this area had a program called Speed Seduction. A related online newsgroup became the virtual birthplace of the modern PUA movement: alt.seduction.fast.

(I recently saw a website for a program called "Same Night Seduction" — presumably if you follow its instructions, you can meet a woman, take her back to your place, and have sex with her the very same night!)

Why this near-obsession with things happening quickly? Because that's what guys want — particularly young, underdeveloped, immature guys.

Young guys are horny. They're self-absorbed, obsessed with sex, and they want it now.

The PUA gurus are selling, for the most part, to men's weaknesses. They tell guys what they want to hear, not what they need to understand.

Sexy, seductive, romantic men take it slow. We've cultivated that "slow hand" that a woman craves.

We're willing to "spend some time," as the song says. We're not in a "heated rush," unlike the crazy horn dogs!

Of course, our goal is to form a meaningful, deeply erotic relationship with a woman — we want lasting connection. PUA's generally have one thing on their minds: "getting laid."

Leading Men create a gourmet meal in romance and sex, not cheap fast food.

If I had one specifically sexual piece of advice to share, it would be to embed the chorus of the Pointer Sisters' song in your memory, and mentally play it on a loop whenever you are looking to create an intimate experience.

Slow the experience way, way down. Tune in to the woman you are with. Focus on creating pleasure for her; learn to enjoy immensely your power to make her feel good.

If you are young & horny, this will undoubtably require some discipline on your part. But then, all of growing into maturity does.

Being an adult in any area of life requires that you develop the ability to move beyond the gratification of the moment, and discover what will lead to long-lasting fulfillment and enjoyment.

© 2013 Kevin Delaney

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Reminds me of how I met my girl...

 

Spotted her when looking over my shoulder at a night club: "Hi, who are you? Nice to meet you. Come here, we're going out for some fresh air...". Me and my friend talked to her for five minutes. I got a good impression of her, she was quick and funny, so I took her number.

 

Texted her the next day. First a simple "Hi, i'm that guy from yesterday. You were very charming and funny so I want to know who you are. Like, blablabla?". She complimented my approach, asked for a picture and that I present myself. No problem...

 

Set up a date: "There's a really nice café in XX that I like, I want to take you there. Does wednsday at 4 O'clock work for you?"

 

Funniest date I ever been to. She was charming, witty and funny. I teased her about getting spinach caught in her teeth, apparantely a big no-no: "Aww, what the heck! I'm gonna kiss you anyway - come here!".

 

"Everyone's looking..."

"I don't give a damn"

 

Gentleman as I am I offered her my arm when walking on the cobblestone street after we left the café. I made sure she held on real tight, assuring her that my intentions were perfectly immoral. Then I kissed her real good before saying goodbye.

 

When I got home I texted a thank you note for such a wonderfull date. Told her I wanted to see her again but that i'd have to get back to her on the details, I had a lot of stuff planned already. We kept texting over a couple of days and talked over the phone before I could set up a new date. It was over a week 'til then, so I told her that regretfully i'd have to wait before kissing her again.

 

"I get the impression that you like me..."

"I do. I want to take you in my arms and kiss you... i'd show you if you were here."

"Really? Tell me, what would you do if I were there?"

 

So I told her. No. Described it to her. In detail. She liked it, so I kept describing it... in a way she'd never experienced before.

 

After a couple of nights I know her more intimately than anyone else. She's taken to heights she never knew existed and her soul is completely naked.

 

That's a pretty good set up for a second date.

 

The point here is not to brag but to point out the importance of sex. Not only is sex awesome... done well it's mind blowing and more intimate than anything else. I'd say that's a good way to start off. There are other good ways as well, but when you rock her world you're going to own her. Completely.

 

Life as a "horn dog" is good. Other advantages are that sex doesn't get awkward because of waiting too long for it. You get to know quickly if you're compatible, and your performance is certainly going to be better if you don't have months of sexual frustration behind you.

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Howard Roark didn't have a slow hand. Dominique issued him an "engraved invitation" to put on some speed.

 

J

I don't think he had an "easy touch" either. 

 

One of the most common mistakes guys make is to fail to communicate sex from the get-go. Instead they treat her as a friend and spend lots of time talking, listetning and being nice to her. Without the underlying sexual tension the guy is going to end up in the friend zone.

 

Fact is that women are horny and enjoy sex too. Things can happen quickly for her, under the right circumstances. However, a woman looking for more than just getting laid will of course crave a deeper connection (the same thing goes for guys as well, but I think men can more easily separate sex and emotions). Sometimes that connection builds fast and other times it's slow.

 

I don't think men should worry about fast, slow or whatever. It doesn't matter. What matters is what you want. That's what you should go for. What do you want with this woman? What kind of relationship and what kind of connection? What kind of sex do you want? How do you want it? When you know what you want, take charge and start creating it. If you want a gorumet meal you need to cook it yourself.

 

When you communicate and show her what you want she will trust you, and she can choose wether or not to stay or run for the hills. When you communicate it well it creates a real connection, because she can see you for who you are. And when she sees and understands who you are she can feel safe in opening up to you.

 

Women want to be seen and desired by strong men. Men who know what they want and how to take it. That's when she feels the most feminine, beautiful and sexual - when she can awaken a burning passion in that man. A strong man knows how to control that passion, to not be consumed by it, but sometimes it goes quickly from a glowing ember to a roaring flame.

 

Being passionate and enjoying sex is not immature or being a horn dog. Chasing everything with a pair of boobs might be.

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One of the most common mistakes guys make is to fail to communicate sex from the get-go. Instead they treat her as a friend and spend lots of time talking, listetning and being nice to her. Without the underlying sexual tension the guy is going to end up in the friend zone.

 

 

It's a false dichotomy to say you can either be nice and friendly, or you can create sexual tension. You can do both. You should be friendly to all people, because it's in your self interest to be a friendly kind of person by default. I've had and continue to have a lot of good fun with sexy play partners and have been nice to every one of them from the get-go. 

 

I don't think I'm saying anything different than you are, or disagreeing with you. I just wanted to emphasize that point.

Edited by secondhander

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Young guys are horny. They're self-absorbed, obsessed with sex, and they want it now.

 

 

Older mature guys are horny, too. There's nothing wrong with being "horny" and sexual. And I echo what others have said here. A person ought not worry about such things as "fast" or "slow" with regard to sex and relationships. What he should ask, among other questions, is "does this person have the qualities I need to see before I have sex with her?"  Another question regarding sex is, "Is this person on the same page as I am, and are we clear about what each other wants and expects." And of course, you should ask the question, "Are we being safe and smart about birth control and protection against STIs."

 

I think this article is teaching guys to miss out on a lot of sexual relationships because you are associating "being sexually flirtatious" with "going too fast," and girls who are wanting a sexual relationship quickly learn not to think of guys who have that viewpoint in a sexual way.

Edited by secondhander

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Secondhander, all heterosexual women are pretty much the same, so I'm not sure who you're talking about.

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With regard to what statement? I'm not sure what you're asking or referring to. 

:P I forgot the <sarcasm></sarcasm> tags!

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It's a false dichotomy to say you can either be nice and friendly, or you can create sexual tension. You can do both. You should be friendly to all people, because it's in your self interest to be a friendly kind of person by default. I've had and continue to have a lot of good fun with sexy play partners and have been nice to every one of them from the get-go. 

 

I don't think I'm saying anything different than you are, or disagreeing with you. I just wanted to emphasize that point.

 I agree and you're making a good point. However, many guys mistake niceness with creating sexual tension, which are different things. There are also times when niceness can relieve the tension created. Like when the tension gets uncomfortable and you back off instead of maintaining it.

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