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Iatan Petru

Socially competitive subtleties

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So I've noticed that Objectivism has changed my life for the better during the few months since when I got into it. Always pursuing my rational self-interest has been very beneficial for me from many points of view. Socially speaking, I've made a lot more friends and became more confident. There's one aspect I can't seem to be able to get around though.

How do I act in a subtly competitive social scenario? For example, when you're with your buddies and some hot girls are around and all of you wanna be that manly dominant guy who bosses the others around. Or generally speaking when you compete with others in a subtle way for being the most alpha person in that situation. I say 'subtle' because you're not really in a position of adversity towards the other people so you can't start a fight, you just gotta know what attitude to have and kinda talk your way to the top. I already appear to be an outgoing person, but I want to be the 'leader', as cheesy as that may sound.

So what's the way to do that and what would Objectivism have to say about the mental state you should adopt in these situations?

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3 hours ago, Iatan Petru said:

ow do I act in a subtly competitive social scenario? For example, when you're with your buddies and some hot girls are around and all of you wanna be that manly dominant guy who bosses the others around. Or generally speaking when you compete with others in a subtle way for being the most alpha person in that situation.

The Objectivist view is that sex is an expression of your self-esteem, not a means to gain self-esteem. It also holds that truly worthwile sexual experiences are based on genuine admiration for your partner's basic values, the same values that you hold.

With that in mind, the best strategy is to find a long-term source of romantic and sexual fulfillment. Figure out what you want in a woman, then actively look for candidates that embody those values. Preferably outside of situations where you have to play dominance games with five other guys.

3 hours ago, Iatan Petru said:

So what's the way to do that and what would Objectivism have to say about the mental state you should adopt in these situations?

Well, would Howard Roark be interested in one-upping Peter Keating?

Edited by KyaryPamyu

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8 hours ago, KyaryPamyu said:

The Objectivist view is that sex is an expression of your self-esteem, not a means to gain self-esteem. It also holds that truly worthwile sexual experiences are based on genuine admiration for your partner's basic values, the same values that you hold.

With that in mind, the best strategy is to find a long-term source of romantic and sexual fulfillment. Figure out what you want in a woman, then actively look for candidates that embody those values. Preferably outside of situations where you have to play dominance games with five other guys.

Well I was just giving an example, I wasn't talking about love and sex exclusively.

For the lack of a better example I'll say the exact situation I was in. I am at a martial arts gym and I'm the best there. I mean, by far the best, so I'm sort of the dominant presence there, and obviously I like it. But then there comes this cocky 5 ft 7 guy with an attitude and starts playing boss with everybody around, including myself. I didn't like it so I challenged him to sparring and I kind of schooled him, so he didn't have anything to say anymore. Of course, in this case I was lucky because I was  better than him at what we were doing, but if not for that sparring match, he would've still been an arrogant prick, so I was wondering whether or not in such cases the right attitude can fix the problem. Like, when someone tries to play the big boss around you, how should you act to establish the role of the better man?

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1. Don't care so much about what others think or do.

2. Understand and own yourself and know your boundaries.  Unless the person says something about you, and not just about himself, you are completely free to let him pretend any fiction he cares to.  Choose not be bossed around.. you don't need to boss anyone else around.

3.

16 hours ago, Iatan Petru said:

you wanna be that manly dominant guy who bosses the others around

Gain some self esteem so that you don't feel that you "wanna be the manly dominant guy".  Wanting to be that sort of person reveals errors in judgment and a severe lack of self-esteem.  (these are linked also to various irrationalities and a malformed ethics)

a. ask yourself if you are really impressed with bossy people like that

b. ask yourself if you really respect and admire other people who are primarily impressed with people like that

c. ask yourself if you really want to form friendships and relationships with those other people

4.

4 hours ago, Iatan Petru said:

I was lucky because I was  better than him at what we were doing

That's not luck.  You need to be confident, not in a brash disconnected from reality way, but in a true unshakable understanding of reality way.  If you can beat the guy 8 out of ten times, you know you are "better".  If another guy can beat you 8 out of 10 times you know that another guy is better.  You should be confident in the first case you will win and equally confident in the second case you will lose.  Be proud of what you can do, what you have accomplished, but seek to do better.  Fight the second guy more often than the first, you gain nothing from fighting the first, you will learn and get better from fighting the second.

5.

4 hours ago, Iatan Petru said:

someone tries to play the big boss around you, how should you act to establish the role of the better man?

Being bossy is not being a better man, its just being bossy. If someone says to you "Go get me a beer" you can either get pissy and "Go fck yrself" or you can shrug it off, smile say "nope" or say nothing.  He has no business telling you what to do. When you are in a crowd of adult children (as if seems to be the case of the crowd you are running with) be the better man not just another one of the children.

 

Really self-esteem, maturity, and objectivity are the answers to all your "problems"... and perhaps finding and choosing good people to be your friends.

Edited by StrictlyLogical

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