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iflyboats

Should you be friends with a woman you want, but can’t have?

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Unrealistic expectations kill any chance at a meaningful relationship with friends, partners, or family.  

In the beginning people look for virtue signaling, and red flags.  If she is a single mother, she may be struggling with her own responsibilities.  If the father of her child has been irresponsible, she may not be handling her emotional damage as well as she would like.  Women have a much shorter fertility window, so if she wants another child she may be in a hurry to find someone who seems to really want to be with her.  She may not want to seem needy, as though a man is doing her a big favor by taking on a family that isn't biologically his.  A lack of fatherly tendencies a man shows toward potential step children are huge deal breakers as well.  

The impact of biological forces and hormones can be overwhelming to clear cognitive function in some.  If you can see and treat her like a real human being regardless of your sexual desire, it is a sign of strong frontal cortical activity and executive brain function.  Sexual desire placed above the value of the individual most often leads to a pattern of cheating.  

Humans have only had sexual equality for a hundred years in a small part of the world, so we are all still trying to figure out how to be ok with each other.  In the past a woman wasn't allowed to be friends with a man unless he was her brother or cousin.  

Establishing true friendships with the opposite sex has provided me, and individuals I know with valuable insight,  it raises your standards.  

If you know any happy couples in healthy relationships you might want to spend time communicating with both partners about how they negotiate the challenges they have faced.   If you want a lasting relationship you need an honest reliable partner who is going to be there through health issues, tragedy, misunderstanding. Overwhelming insecurities and unwillingness to communicate will lead to many problems down the road.  

Think of this as a valuable learning experience.  Relationships are not going to be pain free, that is one reason we test each other in the beginning.  

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