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edward j williamson

Humor - Why Athletes Can't (shouldn't) Have Jobs.

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Why Athletes Can't (Shouldn't) Have Real Jobs

<< I've had this in my files for a few years, someone posted it on a political/news/opinion board that I am an administrator for. A little humor is a nice break for a topic. It is no wonder why very few athletes ever go into coaching, and even those are suspect. Wait until you read some of these gems. LOL Enjoy! - Ed>>

Why Athletes Can't (Shouldn't) Have Real Jobs

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a

role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to

look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about

the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or

1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say:

"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,

"Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win,I'd run over

Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his

coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets

us wear earrings."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe

Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called

a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of

Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter

how long it takes." (now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You

guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys

pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a

circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to

prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out

smarter? He went to prison for three years, not

Princeton."

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing,

explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above

his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my

name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan

training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a

guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning

regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball

player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he

appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a

baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or

an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room

temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former

player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it

ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach,I don't know and

I don't care.'"

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M,

recounting what he told a player who received four F's

and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too

much time on one subject."

14. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips

when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all

the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is

too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."

Edited by edward j williamson

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