Jump to content
Objectivism Online Forum

Confusion

Rate this topic


Recommended Posts

Dear all,

I had posted earlier about a break-up I had had.What has happened is that three months hence my ex wants to get back!It is not to be denied that I had misssed him and hadn't completely gotten over him,but moved on greatly regarding my need for him and of anyone in general.The reason for the break-up was that due to various professional and other reasons,he had felt "unworthy" of me.But now he feels confident and wants to be back with me.There had been a few mini-break ups earlier with similar issues and once in a big way when he couldn't stand upto his parents who oppossed our alliance.But I should admit he had later managed the courage to stand up for "us".But still there were more "running aways".

Right now I don't seem to be able to think clearly at all,swinging betwween "happy hope" and "cynicism".

Essentially I am scared!Also there is a fear of hurting him especially since he has managed to make a confident step.But well I cannot be a mother to a 25 year old man!

I don't seem to be able to see things rationally.Although finally I will make my own decision,I do wish to get inputs.

Thanks.

Saraswathi.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

In my experience, (this is second hand of course stuff told to me by friends that are girls) guys break up with girls because they "don't feel worthy" or "are too busy" etc. when they want to pursue someone else while keeping their current girlfriend open as an option. That's just from what I've seen though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with OwenKellogg- if someone claims that they're 'not worthy' they could be saying it for one of two reasons: 1) they want to break up with you but want to try to let you down easily, or 2) they actually believe that you're better than they are and they don't deserve you. If the reason was #1, he's not honest about how he actually feels about you and didn't want to tell you why he actually wanted to break up with you. It could be because there was another girl, or maybe he's kowtowing to his parents; but in any case, he lied, and it will probably happen again. If he actually thought he wasn't not good enough for you, it won't change much over only 3 months. He'll have relapses, possibly hiding them, but the feeling will still be there; again, the same situation will probably pop up again.

It is a good sign that he managed to stand up to his parents, but it sounds like he has very little sense of self, and not much self-esteem. If that's the case, he'll be dependent on you to reassure him that he's worth it, and in his mind he'll keep destroying that by telling himself he's not. You've probably made your decision already, but my advice would be to move on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You've probably made your decision already, but my advice would be to move on

I disagree... Think about this for a sec... What would this mean in your life?

It is doubtful that he has changed. However, if he is one of the few that actually desires to change (for his own sake), then go for it. 3 months is a short time to change. But he may have started. If you are willing to put up with relapses and work with him, then go for it. HOWEVER. And I say it in caps to really accentuate this point. HOWEVER. If you work too closely with him, he may start to see you as a parent figure and as a guidance counselor. Not as a girlfriend. This will destroy your relationship. Help him when you can but make sure he works to change on his own. He really should see a specialist who can help him work through his issues (if he accepts that they are problems).

Unfortunately there are too few objective psychologists. I would suggest leaving a copy of the fountainhead next to his bed wrapped with a bow. Tell him to forget the philosophy and read it because its a good novel. We all know that the philosophy will hit him. What he chooses to do with the knoweldge is a different story.

And remember, almost all objectivists had to change at one point. So change is NOT IMPOSSIBLE!! :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...