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dealing with death

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One of my acquaintances recently died, but I did not know him well. I would be hard-pressed to even refer to him as a friend, and thus I did not see any reason to cry over him. I did not see his death as changing anything in my life. However, many of my closer friends (some of whom had performed some mean practical jokes on him while he was alive) seemed very affected by his death. I had figured that, by the way they treated him, his death would be even more inconsequential to them than it was to me. I still have yet to figure out this seeming contradiction.

Thoughts?

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Because I don't know your friends, or the person who has died, I can not give a definite answer why people get upset when other people die. However, not to long ago, a supervisor who I work for died (unexpectedly), and I was able to observe the reaction of people, and what I believe triggered it.

1: No closure to the relationship. In most societies, people expect some type of closure in a relationship. In an unexpected death, there is no chance to say "goodbye" to the person, for the person who is grieving benefit. The reason why they need to say their final goodbyes is because, in my observation, that is what is expected of them by society.

2: A sudden, hard change. Most people can't stand sudden changes in their lives. Losing someone without warning is a hard change. Most people need time to prepare for a change, especially a change like death.

3: Stress. If the person who is crying are the people in charge of the estate, the amount of stress (e.g. contacting the lawyers, the IRS, the investment company) will be a huge amount of stress. In most cases, crying and being upset is an outlet for the stress.

4: Not getting some type of information out of the person (I doubt this applies to your case, however, it might apply to other people) . Grandparents often have history that none of us will ever live through, and some people might become sadden if they never get a chance to record in some form the history for later generations.

These are just a couple of ideas on why people become upset at the news of death. If there are any that I overlooked, please feel free to contact me.

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Obviously, people who have offered significant value to our lives will be permanently missed when they die. For those acquiantances we don't know well enough to miss, I venture to think that sometimes people look at other's life as a reflection of their own, so that when a person dies, whether familiar or not, they are reminded of the fragility and finality of their own life. Maybe the fact that the people you mentioned played cruel jokes on the deceased made them realize their inappreciation of the value of life, both the life of the deceased (guilt), and the life that THEY are living. Maybe you are less affected because you are more confident in how you are living your life.

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...

These are just a couple of ideas on why people become upset at the news of death. If there are any that I overlooked, please feel free to contact me.

Gee, you don't think very highly on people, do you?

I think that most people actually get emotionally attached to their friends, and even (maybe) to their relatives (that especially depends on age). Their friends are a source of pleasure, fun, sometimes security. Their death might cause genuine sorrow.

I would actually put that as #1 on the list, and the phony, bad things later.

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