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I'm realizing right now that I have trouble connecting with the world around me, including the people I want to be part of my life, and I think a lot of it has to do with me struggling with being able to experience emotions. In particular, I've found that it can be difficult to integrate my own emotions with my rational thought process.

 

What happens a lot of the time is that I try to evaluate the world around me, and whether or not my immediate experience should objectively be seen as positive, and what I should do to get the most of it, and I end up killing the experience in my attempts to analyze it. My mind will also drift to other parts of my life, and it will just end up wandering, and I won't be able to engage with what would otherwise be a much more positive experience.

 

Does anyone else have this problem? And what do you recommend doing to correct it?

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Eamon, it would be difficult to make any recommendations without a more detailed description of your situation. From one rational individual to another, the key to connecting and understanding your environment might be summed up in the word "integration." Personally, I have felt "out of place" in certain environments. Even though it may feel uncomfortable, I may decide to endure it as a means to a greater value. For example, a college course required for a particular program might place you in a class that you find questionable; you find yourself at a social gathering your girlfriend dragged you to, where you feel like you're wasting your time. In such cases, one must consider the greater outcome of voluntarily attending these meetings.

If you mean the "world," as in, the more extended politics of our times, well, I can only recommend getting used to it. Most people I've met have little in common with my views, (including members of my family). You can see from the discussions on this forum that, while most contributors agree with Ayn Rand, many disagree with the exact interpretation of her wisdom as applied to the controversies of our times. You are being honest to yourself if you are analyzing people, and judging them worthy of your company. As a younger and more foolish man, I often chose to assimilate, often with individuals beneath my standards, agreeing and going along with crowd, even when the situation was self-destructive, or the majority opinion was wrong. As an older and more objective man, I integrate the knowledge of the people, places and things that surround me, and decide if it is where I ought to be. Then, it is up to me to decide whether to stay or go.

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...I've found that it can be difficult to integrate my own emotions with my rational thought process.

[...]

Does anyone else have this problem? And what do you recommend doing to correct it?

Some Objectivists, after discovering Rand, say that they've lived by the principles she identified more-or-less as long as they can remember. They will muse that Rand was helpful in articulating and clarifying for them, but that the spirit of her philosophy was part of them all along.

But others, like myself, grew up truly believing ideals that were fundamentally the opposite of Objectivism (aka. the opposite of reality). I had a "God" which I thought to be presiding over all of my mental workings, decisions, and actions, judging me. I truly believed that sacrifice and guilt was the good way to deal with people. The idea of enjoying myself unabashedly, without considering outside criticism, did not even dawn on me. Of course, there must have been some good in me somewhere (we're all still human, after all), but there was also a lot of bad.

If emotions are directly correlated to held ideas and beliefs, it should be expected that false beliefs and a contradictory mix of a belief system will lead to some wacky, or even wild, emotional responses to things. And indeed, that was exactly my experience after I discovered Rand. I had an existing belief system turning out bad emotions to begin with, but now there was the new angle of two opposing belief systems battling it out for any given emotional response.

There were endless personal examples of competing emotions, but I remember one in particular from this forum. Stephen Colbert once used the phrase "rational self interest" in the children's lullaby song to make fun of Rand. I involuntarily laughed out loud, for who knows what reason -- maybe because I'd never heard the phrase used outside of this small group of people. Other, more seasoned Objectivists, however, did not laugh and were even put off by his mockery. And now years later, thinking about it, I think I'd probably just shake my head at his dumb-ness. I remember thinking back then that I wanted to not laugh, but... it was involuntary.

When you're in the process of integrating radically different viewpoints into your thoughts (or any time), I think it's important to not place too much significance on your immediate emotional reactions, because you can't directly control them. After a while of knowing and believing any new truth, your emotions will automatically follow. It's not quick and you can't track it in real time, but predictably and assuredly, after some time you will be able to observe in yourself that your reactions to things have changed without you trying to make them change. This has happened with me enough times that I am certain, with no doubt, that my emotions will eventually follow in line with something that I know is true. So, I let any weird emotion ride out, get over it, and move on, expecting that the next time will yield a slightly changed emotional reaction.

So, my advice would be to just try to enjoy yourself around people and not second-guess that enjoyment. Chances are that you will wind up liking them for similar reasons as before, you'll just have a broader understanding as to why.

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Re: Repairman: I was thinking about experiences where I feel disconnected from my immediate surroundings. It's not just situations where I feel uncomfortable either. I've been in situations where I want to engage with people, but don't feel like I can, and I think a lot of it comes from over-analyzing. And while I think evaluation is important, it shouldn't come at the expense of enjoying a positive experience.

 

I think a part of it is because I feel a bit alienated from other people, since most people are altruists. I sometimes worry that if I express how I really feel (Including the rational judgments behind it) then people will think I'm an asshole, or that I'll be pidgeon-holed as "one of those crazy Ayn Rand followers" by people who are hostile toward Objectivism.

 

 

After a while of knowing and believing any new truth, your emotions will automatically follow. It's not quick and you can't track it in real time, but predictably and assuredly, after some time you will be able to observe in yourself that your reactions to things have changed without you trying to make them change.

...

So, my advice would be to just try to enjoy yourself around people and not second-guess that enjoyment. Chances are that you will wind up liking them for similar reasons as before, you'll just have a broader understanding as to why.

I definitely think that this is good advice. It seems like I just need to trust my emotions more, as long as I do a basic reality check to make sure they're not based on a false premise.

 

It does also seem like one thing Objectivism doesn't emphasize as much is psychological processes that allow us to integrate values into our emotional processes. This is what religion offers, but it's hard to do that while remaining rational.

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Eamon, I hope I didn't give you the impression that you should deny yourself the opportunity to have good time. And JAKSN's take is quite valid, that is, enjoy the life in the moment, analyze later. But, by all means, analyze at some appropriate moment.

 

Where emotions are in play, understand that emotions are not a tool of cognition. If you find yourself among your piers, and the humor runs counter to your understanding of your ideals, you can let yourself go, but to a point. From my past experiences for example, I found myself among racists, and decided that the effect on my outlook in life was not worth the comradery. Later, I associated with people of a very Christian persuasion. At the core, I found both groups lacking in one form or another, either too altruistic or too hypocritical. I had no problem laughing along as if I "got the joke," but at the end of the day, I realized that the discussions were shallow, and rarely stimulated any real critical thought. But I enjoyed the moment, even when I held back when someone would say something so utterly wrong that I would look like a jerk for raising an objection.

 

Emotionally, such experiences can make one feel isolated. This is part of being a rational individualist. You are the ultimate minority. You make decisions that may run counter to the mainstream. You may feel at times as if you're the only one that "really gets it." Emotions are a response to stimuli. Grieving, regretting, laughing, lusting, or whatever you feel may be totally appropriate in the moment. But responding in actions requires a proper code of ethics. In my personal experience, I limit my discretionary associations to friends with similar values, people with critical thinking faculties and habits of achievement and/or self-improvement. If you choose your associations more selectively, you may find you have fewer friends, but you may feel better about them, and yourself.

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I might know what you are referring to. For example, I've heard others talk about enjoying food... and when I think about it, I tend not to enjoy it. I think of food as all right, maybe tasty. I don't think this happens because of Objectivism, or because you think about it more. 

 

It's probably more likely from the past. I've heard that the brain develops early on from the experiences that we hold, so we might not have the same chemical reaction that others do. Which would make sense considering we develop habits, and our brains are constantly building connections from what we experience.

 

As for how to fix it, I think that the others have a good point about it. Think about the situation, what you value and expect from it, and choose then. Eventually, the more you experience that situation, the easier it will be for your emotions to catch up with you and what you value. Just be careful about letting your emotions in the steering wheel... because that can turn self-destructive. The proper place for emotions is to propel you forwards with what you've decided and value. I hope this helps a little, it's what I've learned... and I'm still working on it. 

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