The Value Of Small Talk
Posted 09 July 2012 - 07:46 AM
Posted 10 July 2012 - 05:59 PM
The vibe I'm getting here is that you feel trapped in your own motivations in life because you cannot be "truly" independent. To get by, you *have to* make consessions to other people in terms of small talk and other social relationships - or at least, that's how it appears to you. Wading through, day after day, yet no one really provides much value. At the same time, your boss is asking you to do things, or else you'll be fired. I don't know your context; I don't know if it is truly as bad as you say it is. Then again, some jobs *are* this miserable. But are you really trapped? If your job causes misery, and the people around you too, why do you stick around? Get a new job. Develop your own job. Take some drastic change in your life. To stick with the current negative, narcissistic route - everyone is stupid, they all want to hold me down, anything that prevents me from acting on a whim is a violation to freedom - is not going to get you anywhere. Take new jobs, make new choices, pursue what you are in the power to control. Extreme negativity will come out of keeping up with a bland, boring job. Of course freedom seems delusional, given that you keep choosing to go into the same miserable job, day after day. You admit to being a narcissist before, so you may very well still be working out of that mindset.
You can be "independent" all you want -- in your brain. But in reality, you have no choice but to follow, at least initially -- your parents, your boss, the majority, the government, etc. It's this grand delusion of 'freedom' that one can uphold in a bubble, but it's almost completely gone in this world.
Careful not to just throw up your hands and assume other people are so terrible around you. Are there any qualities you like in those around you? Can you make something out of your job that's valuable, and up morale of your workplace? Is there anything exciting about what you do?
Posted 14 July 2012 - 10:19 AM
I see the issue as manifold.
It's a logical issue. I don't see what I'm doing now fitting into the big picture (even though, paradoxically, I have no clue of the big picture). In other words, my work right now doesn't integrate with the rest, not in the long-term.
It's a geographical issue. I live in (tribalist) Europe. I don't want to live here. Ideally I would live someplace where how much effort I put in would actually correspond to how much I earn, which means an objective valuation of my work (as opposed to every government job I've had so far), which can only exist in a capitalist society. And this society would have to hold to its freedom for the long-term.
It's a temporal issue. The ethical-economical-political crisis the world is in right now could not have come at a worse time. How am I to think about how to build my future when I see the world around me collapsing? Which relates to . . .
Finally, it's a psychological issue. I haven't made the issue of taking control of my life real enough to me to actually do something about it. I have begun to suspect this is because English is not my native language, distancing the issue (and the important corresponding ideas) from my mind. Which means I should either start with the painstaking work of the translation of these ideas, or drop the language altogether (which falls in line with my second point).
I'm not miserable and I really can't complain about my job. But I do know that this is not 'it', that it is far from 'it', and that if I want 'it', this is not the way to go.
But what 'it' is . . . I don't know.
So the argument follows: Well if I don't know what it is, how can I have any standard by which to make decisions? I can't. Hence I "follow".
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