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thatguy

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  1. I know this is an old thread but I might as well bump it and explain my view on transgenderism. I myself is a trans-man, that is, I have a female body but a male mind. Whether or not it's genetic, it's something rooted deep inside of me and I really can't choose to stop feeling that my mind and body clash. I can remember from very early days of my childhood that I liked playing with the girls, but did not like them seeing me as one of them in that sense. And while I liked playing with the boys, I got a feeling that they shut me out in a sense that I couldn't understand and accept. The first time I wore male clothes, at the age of 8, stealing clothes from my brother's wardrobe, I felt more secure than I ever had. (No, it does not arouse me to wear male clothes, it never has. I just feel intensely more secure in who I am.) If I look at myself in the mirror and imagine that face and body to belong to a female, by gender, it makes me feel out of place and depersonalized and induces self-hate. If I look at myself and imagine a man, I feel unhappy since the body does not match the mind, but it still feels like me. I've been thinking about the root of the problem a lot lately. I've considered the social aspects of it, and it is not related to social behavior in the sense some claim, that it is how people treat you. I do not act typically male and I do not try to be more masculine for people to see me as a man. I'm a very androgynous person to start with. The root of the problem is love. It does not matter if my parents see me as their son or daughter, because the love they have for me is not of the kind that is depending on gender. The problem is that I have a need and wish to be loved by a person as they would love a man. I want to be the man in someones life, I wish to have sex as a man. I am not quite sure about my sexuality since I'm very young and inexperienced, but I do know that whoever I end up with, either male or female, I want them to love me and have sex with me as they would with a man. Therefore I am going to alter my body to make that possible, because even if this person sees me as a man by gender, my body would feminize me and would not make it possible for that other person to love me as a male. I know it's mutilation in a sense - especially since the results of the genitalia-operations for trans-men are generally bad - but I'd rather mutilate my body than live alone for the rest of my life, or live with someone who can not fulfill that urge of mine. I hope this clears some things up, if not, just ask and I'll do my best to help. And please excuse me if the language is very simple or the grammar is wrong, English is not my native. Cheers!
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