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aestheticvirtues

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  1. I am new to these forums but I have followed them for a while and I've been studying Objectivism for longer. I (may?) have a problem, and I'm interested to hear some opinions on it. I am a gay male youth. My problem is with attraction. I am attracted to a particular 'look' and it is creating a problem with my sex life. The particular fashion I like is 'emo'. The fascination is almost a fetish. I like men with long hair, preferably covering one eye, and feminine features. There are several reasons this is a problem for me. The first is that I do not commonly meet rational people with this fashion. As a generalization, I've found that most 'emo' guys are irrational and childish. I mean no offense to any such people reading this. This ties in with another reason this attraction is a problem for me. It is an unsustainable attraction. Men will not always look youthful, and long hair on them tends to look worse with age, with some exceptions. But universally, the feminine look disappears from a man's features with age as well. So if I tried to hold this type of man as my aesthetic ideal in a romantic partner, it would necessarily disappear in a few years. Obviously I wouldn't find my partner suddenly unattractive, but the ideal I had would cease to be represented very quickly. This is also a problem psychologically, as personality-wise, I am entirely and only interested in men who act...like men. It is very common for a 'girly' looking man in the gay community to act as feminine or more so than he looks. But I am totally un-attracted to such personalities. I am interested in an ideal man, according to the standards of Objectivism. I wonder if it is even possible for such an ideal man in personality to value the look I am interested in physically. I wonder if that would constitute a contradiction in his aesthetic philosophy, and if such a contradiction and its implications would be acceptable to me. If you are interested, or consider it relevant: I myself am not a 'girly' gay man either. This creates a problem in my current relationship. I am dating a man who I consider to be very attractive, but he is not the ideal I spoke of. He dislikes the 'emo aesthetic' in fashion. He has a more mature fashion taste. I do not feel this issue of mine is placing any kind of strain on my relationship with him, but it does provide an external temptation when I see such men. And I wonder if he might become resentful with my attraction to that look and his inability or unwillingness to fit it. This attraction of mine has also created a derivative problem in my psyche. I want to look this way. I am interested in growing my hair longer, and wearing unique fashions which some would probably consider childish. This derivative issue has its own attached problems. I can't really grow my hair out like I want it. I don't have the hair for it to begin with, and I am already losing my hair in the front unfortunately. Barring miraculous hair regeneration therapies, I will not be able to look the way I want to. Secondly, even if I were able to grow my hair to look how I wanted, and I'd want to dye it crazy colors as well, it would look very unprofessional to employers. I am in the middle of college, trying to find part time work, and even once I graduate, I'll need to find a job. I doubt employers would give a fair first impression to a man with long purple hair. These two major problems have had detrimental effects on my self esteem recently. I feel like since I cannot achieve this aesthetic ideal, I will never be satisfied with how I look. So I have several questions regarding these issues. Is the value of an 'emo' look a rational one? Are there solutions to individual problems that I am not seeing? Should I attempt to forcibly change my own aesthetic ideals? Is there a contradiction between an ideal man and an aesthetic ideal of more 'feminine' features? I welcome any other comments. Please feel free to be as blunt as you desire in your responses, I welcome criticism, but please respect that this is a personal problem. Thank you.
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