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C.Aoyagi

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Everything posted by C.Aoyagi

  1. I was intrigued by your projects direction/goal, as I've had the same desire and goal to create a story for my children. (This desire predated my exposure to Rand, and actually to my children as well) But I'm very much more an visual artist (a designer for 8+ years) and have not had a great deal of experience (or luck) with writing- And as others on your previous thread pointed out, it's nearly impossible (and, I guess in a sense, very much disrespectful to the craft) to "use" a form of art to "force" a idea... [For the record I have successfully used my illustration skills to communicate my ideas to "write" a story with images, but it has, in the past, frustrated me that I cannot use words to do that as well] I can tell by your writing that you have a very well developed sense of written word communication--- Your succinct yet rich description/introduction to your story not only enthralled me, but integrating both the "adult" and "child" portions created a very strong visual for me to enjoy. (Ah, the joys of imagination) -- I am curious as to how much writing/dialogue will be present- i.e. picture book or book with illustrations? (sorry if you've discussed this before) Regardless of age, I find that simplicity lends itself to effective communication- (not "dumbing it down" but definitely not like Harry Potter.. or, even though I was captivated by it, Atlas Shrugged -I'm STILL trying to absorb and integrate it all!) - Despite age (but in this instance age being especially important) adding too many details or descriptions, can muddy and draw away from the story- (Not saying that is what you're doing, just overly curious as to what form the story is going to take) I think since reading Atlas Shrugged, it's been difficult for me to find any form of communication art- i.e. painting, design, book, poem, music, etc. that so enthralls me, entertains me, that communicates to me that the creator of said art did it for the sake of ones own passion, for the sake of communicating oneself to the world. I can see that you're going in the right direction, as even though this is a way for you to communicate your passion for life (and your philosophy that supports it) to your children, and the world, you are doing it for that reason- for yourself. If you don't loose that passion, I can see that this story has great potential. Critical comments/observations- neither positive or negative, just things to consider- I do find the story very much a hero journey; possibly unique if the hero, as female, is handled correctly. [Think Dagney vs Bella] I like the combinations of characters, as i understand the audience you are trying to convey your message to, i can understand the appeal of Girl, Wolf, Gunslinger. I will say that the characters at this point seem very typical of current young adult/pre-teen fiction and mythological influences- but as I expect that the story will be Directed by the Character of Taryn and her virtues [and supported by those of Odin and Cole], these so called 'stereotypical' characters won't be so much that- i.e. it won't particularly matter that they are 'girl,' 'wolf,' or 'gunslinger.' The reason i point this out is be prepared for the "oh this is just like X" or various related responses from people in general, and that you, yourself may stray into your characters 'stereotypical-ness'. (at this point this observation is simply cautionary) I like that Cole uses a gun. It would be how and when he uses it that really matters. (Think of the particularly great scene outside Hank's Factory, when Francisco very skillfully uses his guns, and why he is using them) Q- is it hard to show him using the gun (or the implication of using the gun as you alluded to) only when he is physically threatened? or is he using it when the threat is implied? i.e. when the cult members intercept Taryn, Odin, and Cole, does Cole kill only because they are going to be killed? Also- What is Odin's Role? I understand that it nice to have a companion, but why does Taryn have Odin? I don't mean what is the explicit reason he's a character in the story, but as a writer, why did your include Odin as a character? I, personally like the imagery of a big, fluffy, but definitely dangerous, wolf as a companion to my child on a journey of this type, but why does your story need Odin? (I can kind of understand Cole's role as a opposite expression of the same virtures of Taryn).. You may answer this in your next character posts, but that was one of the question that presented itself to me right at the start. For the first time in a while with a piece of art, I'm looking forward to the next description/installment.
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