My name is Darren. I am recovering subjectivist of 33 years! I am just getting into trying to commit to Ayn Rand's ideas and Objectivism. To tell the truth, I have had some of her books for about 3 years and read Dr Peikoff's 'Objectivism: The Philosophy of Ayn Rand' and also 'The Virtue Of Selfishness'. Unfortunately, I was not ready or smart enough to see the bigger picture. It all seemed too hard and impossible for me to be a hero!
As you can understand, by living my life through an unchallenged and falsely accepted melting pot of philosophies, I am pretty messed up. I have a long hard road to travel but I realise the one I was on was causing me nothing but pain and leading to a slow painful death. That may sound 'over the top' to some but the thought of suicide has always been something I have had to fend off. Fortunately, I had the strength to keep going.
Just as Ayn Rand alluded to, following blindly without thinking has led to nothing but hopelessness. It actually took another person to open my eyes to looking for answers. I had pretty much given up and left behind ambitions and goals to live a life on the production line like a mindless robot! But in my search to find happiness through someone else, a romantic partner, my eyes were opened. I met someone in which I saw everything that I wanted to be. I found a heroine, but I was no hero. Obviously, she was not interested in me. So I turned to Ayn Rand's work for answers to the emotions of being rejected. How fulfilling it was to finally find those answers and work to understand them. I realise I have very low self esteem (I am currently working through 'Six Pillars To Self Esteem' ) and that I had not earned this girl's love. It has kept me from pursuing my goals my whole life. I want to be a musician but never really worked for it because of the resulting fears. It is very freeing to know what my problems are and work to improve them rather than try to ignore them! I dont see myself as a particularly smart person and am having trouble with alot of these ideas you guys talk about but I refuse to give in. If it takes the rest of my life to fully grasp, then so be it.
Now a question. How can I feel happier in working on a production line? I know I need to make a living and be self-reliant. I know I need to be productive to find true happiness so I am using most of free time (3-4 hours everyday) to improve my music skills. I know the reality is that I do not have time for a intimate relationship. Yet I 'feel' all these emotions of loneliness and frustration. I feel torn between wanting to be a musician and living a family life. What works from Objectivists would be of benefit to me to read? I know emotions are the product of my thinking so I must still be thinking wrong!
Well thanks if you read through all that and are still willing to offer some guidance. Just want to say thanks for making this board available.