Alfa

There's one big difference in gay relationsships - you have two people of the same sex. This means that they either act like they are the same sex(which I believe is the most common) or they act like opposite sexes. Neither way is complimentary of the nature of their sexes. It is for example not very... shall we say manly, for a man to act like a woman. I would say that this is strictly against his nature as a man. Still, that's what some men do in gay relationships, and I think that is evasion on both parts(and none of them can have a very high self-esteem when it comes to their own sexuality). In the case with two of the same sort, be they masculine or feminine, we must recognize that masculinity and femininity exists as contrasts in a relationship. Without that contrast you cannot fully appreciate yourself as a man or a woman. Part of that contrast, btw, is physical. Men are bigger, stronger more dominating etc. Sexually there's a difference in men trying to "take" a woman, while women act more passively by letting them. So it's not only that the same genitalia doesent fit, having the same psychology also creates problems. What would you then say to people who claim they have "cured" their homosexuality? My earliest memories are also from kindergarten. That's where I think I started developing a sexuality. I also had a very similar experience with a girl. Me and this girl were left rather late one evening and since both were kind of bored we decided to try and have some fun(in a completely innocent way). So we played there and I tried to understand how this girl worked. I mean, how come girls always play with dolls and that kind of boring stuff? Boys do much cooler things. Anyway, as we struggled to get along I started to become more and more fascinated at our differences, and still having lots of fun. I remember this clearly because it was like discovering a new world and beginning to see girls in a different way. So this is where I discovered that girls are great. I think however that I could have made completely different judgements that later on would have led to different preferences. I think it's a well established fact that different hormones play a big role in our development. Although I don't have any scientific references I think any biology book will agree with me here. Male and female brains are also different, possibly due to the effect of hormones from birth til after puberty. We also cannot separate mind from body. It does make a difference that males are bigger and stronger than females. Because we are built differently we also must act diferently to have sex, it's like operating under different rules. Because we are different we must also think differently.

But what if the imorality lies in the man not fully recognizing that he has a penis(i.e. evasion) and that it's important in determining his values. The development of sexuality is a gradual process that "just happens" as we grow up. That's why a lot of gay people will tell you that they have sort of always known, just as heterosexuals have always known. It's a series of judgements we make of reality. A young boy migh for example start to notice that girls are different and intriguing, and as he discovers further he sees that they are nice and cute in a way that boys are not. So, from there it then leads to the boy wanting to be with girls. Or, he could choose not to see or integrate some of the facts, like for instance that gilrs are nice and cute and a much better complement to his own nature than another boy could ever be. If you instrospect deeply and honestly I bet you can see some key moments where you noticed things that lead to your sexual preferences. I know I can. The fact that men have penises and women vaginas is by no means uninportant. It sets up two different psychologies - different polarities. It's only in contrast to a woman that a man can fully appreciate his masculinity, and it's only by looking up to a man that a woman can fully appreciate her femininity. Homosexuals cannot have that in the same way. They either don't have the polarity at all or they try to fake it. Either way, they are evading their nature as men being men and women being women.

The neck is approx 2 heads long which is a rather generic proportion for a horse.

Because they are smart and enthusiastic they have socially been labelled geeks, and some amount of bullying has probably made them fall deeper into that role. Because they are smart and enthusiastic they have focused more on their primary interests rather than learning social skills, and if they try they learn it's not much fun when you're not among the "cool" kids. Instead the smart scientists find other smart scientist and they become friends. Such friendship is likely to be very rewarding intellectually but not socially. So they make their own groups and rarely go outside it, that's also a reason why it's so difficult meeting other kinds of people. I'm not Howard Roark at all.

If you want to make a good case against sugar you should first lay down the fundamentals of what happens in the body when you eat carbohydrates. Then, knowing the basic functions, you can start looking at potential risks. As a last step you can look at studies. What exactly do the studies say, what has been measured, under what circumstances and of what relevance is it? "In fact, people who are very strict regarding their diet often have to closely watch carb and sodium intake " What people, more exactly? Why would they closely watch their carb and sodium intake and why should anyone else care what they do? "It's the fact that soda has such a high amount of sugar and acid that should concern you." Why should that concern me, and why would that apply to any amount of soda? "Soda is bad for your health- in any amount. Period. It's not a matter of opinion, it's an established fact that is no longer questioned among scientists and athletes who "do" nutrition for a living" Prove it. "Is it that the scientists from some of the most respected institutitons..." Argument from authority. This is usually the most telling sign of bullshit and pseudo-science.

Thanks guys! It still feels a bit unreal, like I wont believe it until the papers are actually signed... but well, it does look like it was worth all that work. However it is a little bit scary to realize, knowing how much effort it has taken, that it's now that the real hard work starts. Matus: I really like your stuff, especially that skyscraper. Also, being quite unfamiliar with it, I have found that I like many art-deco styled things.

I think I must have made the right decision going with those two pictures because, well... I just got admitted to the school I was applying for. And, that is despite the fact that i'm unqualified due to my lack of formal education. So I suppose i've done good. I would have done great if I got the girl also.

So, now i'm nearly finished with the coffee cup assignment. I might still adjust the levels a tad bit in Photoshop, but it's probably best just to leave it. The assignment did however require a second picture from a different angle, so I have made a different rendering too. Anyway, here they are: http://i26.tinypic.com/op7itk.jpg http://i28.tinypic.com/j11zls.jpg Now let me tell you why I asked that question earlier(and I want you to know that any feedback from you - good or bad - is highly valued). To say that i've spent a lot of time and effort on this would be a huge understatement. If I told you how much you would probably laugh and tell me to pursue another carreer. Knowing how it's done it can probably be duplicated in a day or two(if rendertime is taken into consideration). When I started however, I had no clear idea of what it was going to be like. First I sort of made a mug that I liked, then tried to match it with a sugarbowl and other objects. When not trying different design ideas I instead spent a lot of time learning how the render enginge works. So what has taken so much time and effort is the whole creative process rather than just the technical aspectof it. One reason I ask you what you see in the picture is just that I have spent so much time looking at it, and a million different versions of it, that my judgement is seriously lacking. Another aspect of this is what I have not shown you. Obiously when you work at something like this stuff that you don't like will get thrown away. Myself, I took a week off from work to only focus on this. I spent that time working religiously. For example I did a lot fo cloth simulations, just to get a nice backdrop. Then I spent a lot of time learning about lighting. Also I made a couple of more objects to add to the scene. The result was very different from what I have shown you here. Technically, a hell of a lot more advanced. So, after this week I sat there exhausted thinking that I should compare what I have done to previous work. I looked through many pictures and then just stopped at this one - the one I showed you earlier. The other pictures I made are more advanced, more perfect and show off more skill. But there's just one thing... I like this one better. I don't know if this is to be regarded as unbelieveably stupid. The whole idea should be to just apply for this school. But you see, the picture is - on the other hand - not just about a friggin coffee cup. It's more of a small dedication to my thoughts on someone(who, by the way, is very classy - that's why I enjoyed Zip's comment). The other pictures were just meaningless exercises in skill, and it does nothing for me personally. As you probably understand though, just throwing away a shitload of work was not an easy decision to make. Especially when I know my own judgement might be a bit clouded. At the end though, I think I have done the right thing.

Since she was asking "don't you think we notice?" I was thinking... well, why should I care? And I don't mean that in an arrogant way, I just don't think theres any good reason why anyone should care too much about it.

Oh no, it's not about proving anything. Feeling the need to prove something is completely second-handed in nature. A real man does not act in that manner. I'm not talking about grabbing my crotch to get attention, what i'm merely saying is that if a woman notices when I discretely make some adjustments... well, thanks for noticing. I don't mind it and I dont ask for it, I just want to be comfortable and i'm not the one looking. Personally i'm just cool with people looking at my crotch. Not that it happens all the time or anything like that, but when it happens I don't feel insecure like I got anything to hide or be ashamed about. When a woman drops her eyes and looks at a mans crotch it's also a rather telling sign(and many women do it without being conciously aware of it). The same thing, by the way, goes for the women adjusting her clothes and exposing her chest(either by sitting up straighter - chest out - or leaning in towards the man).

Do you think we should mind you noticing it? To me, if a woman looks at my crotch, it's a good thing. I don't mind that kind of attention. It's rather like; "Thank you for noticing i'm a man - and yes I did notice you exposing your cleavage and adjusting your bra, it's just that I did it while keeping eye contact".

When speaking of under-rated movies I always come to think of "Bicentenial Man". This is a movie about a robot who by accident starts to develop a mind of his own, and from there the story takes us through a journey of the robots desire to experience life and become human. As far as I know many people have seen the movie and liked it, but it never really got much attention - which it deserves. This is just such a fantastic story.

That quote, by the way, is as close to saying a prayer that I will ever get. Those words have been with me for a long time, and I will make sure to never forget them.

Universehead, how difficult is it to get accepted by these schools? Is the competition very tough so that you need a really awesome portfolio to get in? What kind of stuff did you have in your portfolio? Were you good at drawing? Since it's a bit too late to apply for it now though, I suppose i'll have enough time to work on my portfolio. Right now I have very little finished stuff because I have spent most of my time learning all the different aspects, more than working on particular projects. So, i'm thinking if it's possible to apply for the spring term? Regarding financing there is a slim possibility that it can be done through our state student loans. This is how all college and university studies are usually financed in this country, so I don't think that the real banks have any sort of loans to give students(and for a regular loan they would of course need some security, which I don't have). To get these loans the school needs to be approved, and I think usually this means that the schools need to be colleges or universities. However, there might be exceptions for art-related schools. So if it's possible, which I think it could be, it's just a matter of how much the school costs(including living of course). Anyway, i'm trying not to get my hopes up too high, but it could actually be possible. Oh, and regarding Objectivist album art, i'd love to give it a shot sometime when I have a little free time over. That would really be an amazingly fun and creative challenge(not sure I could do it justice though, but it would be fun).

Thanks! Just a few days ago I was acutally thinking about the possibilities to apply for something like that, but I havent yet looked any further into it so those links are really helpfull. Now I don't really know what it would actually take to go to one of these schools and I don't know if it's even realistic for me. I can see a couple of possible obstacles. One is that I live in sweden. Don't get me wrong tough, if I have the chance i'm out of here in a heartbeat. However, financing something like this could perhaps be difficult, so that may become a problem. A second problem could be that during my high school years(or the equivalent here) I was very sick, so in case the school asks for any such papers it could be a problem. This is the reason why I believe that the school i'm applying for now will turn me down(atleast until I convince them that i'm intelligent, well read, driven and that I never give up ). After a quick look at the links though, it doesnt really seem to matter(guess it could matter with financing issues though). I guess what i'm saying is that if I can make it work, then... hell, that would be like a dream come true. So, i'm going to look furhter into it.

Thanks! I like that you mentioned class and opulence, because it's purely unintentional from my part - altough it does fit very well with my intent. So it's fun, and i'm glad you mentioned it. The handle should somewhat follow the curve of the glass. I havent checked how closely matched they are though.

I'd like to bump this old thread, to which I havent really paid enough attention. Lately i've been working on an assingment for a school application. If I get accepted, which is highly unlikely, there will be two years of studying computer graphics - pure fun and it could lead to a well paid job. However, I doubt that I will get accepted - this time - so my only concern with this application is to get it done and to feel that I have done my best. So anyway... this leads me to this picture. The assingment is to model and render a coffee cup, and you are allowed to add additional objects that would belong to the scene. So it's pretty simple but leaves a lot of room to do what you want. Anyway, here's my work so far. It's unfinished, a bit sloppy(for example the objects are not placed properly on the ground plane), and so on... but all that's left is really fixing small detail and adding one other object(which I havent decided upon yet). http://i25.tinypic.com/15gz515.jpg The reason i'm posting this pic is because I would like to ask you what you think, and not just if it's good or bad(altough you are certainly welcome to state your opinions). I'm interested in what you see and think, without having to overanalyze anything. I'll tell you later why i'm asking this.

It's not at all uncommon that the woman is very uninterested at first, but later falls for the man. Well, of course there is this issue with free will - i'm not suggesting you can get around that. However, how you think and act will determine what she thinks of you and if she decides to let you have her(though i'm not saying one should act based on what someone else thinks of you). True, however as I was saying sometimes you might be unaware of some of the facts.

So, no matter what he does there are women that are just impossible to get? Why? My point here is that one should act with the confidence of your own ability, that whatever you desire can be won. Of course i'm not talking about completely irrational desries, and one would certainly fail many times before getting there. However, a man of ability is in control of his destiny. In this case, he knows he has options and that he can get what he desires. The idea is really to not give away any of your power, confidence and self-esteem. That is what often happens with very attractive women. Men want them so desperately that they become "the one", far above all other women, so the men fall at their knees and ask them to "please like!". And in this case emotions run wild, you want her for no good reasons, there's just "something". This can be a very difficult spell to break, and that's why i'm writing the above. I'm sure it's possible, you only need the right amount of facts to be able to judge things correctly.

I have found that sometimes I quite like my face, especially when posed in a dirty bathroom mirror. Unfortunatley though, it does not do my eyes any justice at all(and that should be my best feature). I was probably thinking about sex when I took that picture - I usually do...

I think there might be something subtle, yet obvious, that you are overlooking here. It could be related to either lust or love. In case of lust there must be something about him/her that creates this very strong attraction, and just blows your mind away. To really determine this we must really know more about the context and wether it's a man or a woman, because it works a bit differently for both. However, there's one fundamental principle behind this and it's about projecting a higher value. Let's say, for example, that it's a woman. First you have her physical beauty, and then it's her persona. If she's that kind of woman she probably has a bit of an attitude, like she's unreachable and you can never have her - she's just to perfect and beautiful for you. This is of course not necessarily communicated directly, it can be very sublte. So in this scenario you might have a woman that projects an extremely high value. And i'm not saying it must be something obvious like a bitchy attitude or something like that, she could very well be friendly and polite with you. But, there would be something about her that sends out these subtle signals, and it drives men crazy. This could work just as well if it's a man, it's just that the acting would a little different. Either way, this works by making you want to pursue a higher value. Higher, in this case, means higher than you. Nothing strange about that. It's just your subconcious mind seeing something of very high value and responding by telling your concious mind that; "aah, must have that!". The problem is that you will be selling yourself to get it, if you in fact try to pursue it. So if we assume that this person does not correspond very well to your values, then you would be acting unselfish and irrational. If you think that this scenario corresponds to your situation, what you need to do then is to recognize that you are the highest value in your life. If you are a woman only the best of men could get you, and that is if you let them. A man must see that he can have any woman he desires, but that he only wants the best - he not only know what he want's, but he also knows he deserves it. So if you are caught in these irrational feelings of lust and attraction and don't know how to deal with them, you need to re-frame your mind so that you put yourself as the highest value in your life. --- I hope that all made sense to you, it's kind of difficult to put into writing but I think I atleast got the general idea across. Now, on the other hand, we might be dealing with actual feelings of love. In that first scenario we would have strong feelings without any solid value judgements. The feeling could be mistaken for love, but when you think about it, it does not correspond to any actual values that you hold. Whatever he/she does seems to portray a high value, but you cannot rationally find any substance to that. In this other case, were we are talking about actual love and not just lust, it would be the other way round. What if there's something about him/her that really appeals to your deepest values, but you are just unable to conciously and rationally recognize it? There could be some ideas and values that you have accepted, without knowing, and he/she just appeals to them. If this is the case it's a darn difficult situation, because you would sort of be looking for something that you don't know is there... Perhaps this is best solved by getting to know the person better, and see if you find something. I've been in a similar situation myself. I met this girl I was just instantly attracted to, which was a bit weird for me because she really was not "my type". That is, the first impression I got was that she was this beautiful, shallow and cold type of person. Her dressing revealed she was very into fashion, and when I meet that kind of women I often assume they sort of have the whole attitude to go with it. You know, all of their lives have been about looking good and they have always had men chasing them, so they are kind of jaded and tend to look down on men(and often less attractive women). I like beautiful and attractive women, it's just that certain kind that I don't want. Anyway, in this case I felt instantly attracted, and a little later I found that there was just something in her eyes that I recognized but could not exactly put my finger on. I knew I wanted her, but I had to get to know her better first. So this is a lady that comes in a beautiful package that she takes good care of. She's the kind of person that can go happy for a whole day because she made a good deal on a pair of Gucci shoes. If, on the other hand, she has a bad hair day... well, that's unlikely to happen but... I think you know what i'm getting at. Despite all this though, I found out that she's the kind of person that fled to this country from a war, and passed law school in a language she still has a little difficulty handling. She's the kind of person that would go to work even if she was near dying, because it's boring to lay in bed all day and not do anything. Not to mention she could go through hell and still keep a positive sense of life. Simply put, she's intelligent, driven, tough as hell and she just has an incredible spirit. Without going into any further detail, what I found out here is that many of theese characteristics were communicated subtly right from the beginning. You know, there are just those small things that you sort of notice subconciously, and you get attracted without really being able to put your finger on why. They are things that are there but you don't really notice, unless you are very perceptive. Here your initial feelings may be contradicted by your first judgement, because the feelings correspond to facts you are not yet conciously aware of. In such a case you need to get more facts and check your premises. Explore the whole situation further(and try to make it an enjoyable experience for both of you - who knows where that might lead? ).

I think you are talking to generally about the effects of exercise here. The way you view exercise here is probably more due to your personal psychology than a more general effect. Personally, for example, I use exercise in many different ways. When going through tough times exercise helps me clear my head and focus. I also use it to gain more strength - physical effort is also an exercise in mental toughness. So if I would imagine myself in a situation after a break-up(i've never been in that situation so I really do have to imagine it), I think exercise would help me get through it more easily. I would not regard it as a substitute for anything(to tell you the truth, sex and food are the first things I think about after a workout). If I would imagine the opposite situation, where i'm happy and in a good relationship, I think exercise would become something like a celebration to my own ability and strength. That's what it feels like everytime I go to the gym when i'm in a good mood; I feel like I can push through any kind of effort, and that I can go on forever on pure strength and willpower. I think that would make me want to have even more sex. That's how I see it anyway. I think a valid question in your case is; how do you regard exercise in general, and what is your main motivation behind the exercise? And also, in what way do you think exercise can benefit you - in what way is it a value to you?

Thanks for the tip, I will definitely check it out! Since I last wrote here I have made the decision that no matter how hard it is, if there's something I would like to say, I will relentlessly push myself to say it. And I have done so quite a few times now. It feels good actually, although people around me probably think i'm weird. Maybe i'm too open? I don't know, but i'm at least perfectly straight and honest - no matter what. Anyway, this all makes me think about my current situation. It's interesting that you mentioned my depression. I havent thought of myself as being depressed, not until just recently. I have basically two related problems, and my situation is kind of like this: I have job that I really like. Or rather, I have an OK job with people I really love working with. Unfortunately my employment will most likely end in a few months because i'm only there as an extra help, and they probably can't afford to keep me there - even if they want to. So anyway... yesterday I spent most of the day teaching the job to someone who's probably going to be my replacement(unlike me, they can pretty much hire her for free, so.... pretty hard to compete with that). A pretty tough situation, but I wouldnt want anyone else teaching her my job. However, when I get home after work I realize I have never felt so utterly worthless in my entire life. Hell, i'm the kind of person who loves to work and feel productive, I would like more work and now it's like i'm being replaced by a better model.... fuck! I only mention this because I want you to better understand my state of mind right now. As far as the job itself is concerned, well... if they wont let me work to my potential, I might as well quit right now. Only thing keeping me are a few relationships I like to pursue, so that when I leave that place I can at least keep a few new friends. My biggest problem regarding this is that I havent been myself for a long time now. I think it's both stress related and due to some health issues(I will get some test results next week). Either way, I can goo between being my normal, driven, positive and confident self, to completely lack self-esteem and "mental drive". And aside from being a complete nightmare, it makes it so much more difficult to get close to and bond with other people. Imagine one moment you're having a good time with people you consider friends, and the next moment you sit there doubting yourself and the people around you. Being aware of it only makes you realize you are not acting rational, but you still have no idea what actually is rational. I have actually told everyone involved that i'm pretty unstable at the moment, so I guess that's not a problem. But because of my weird mental state right now, I have no clue where I have other people. This is due to my almost complete lack of rational judgement in these matters. I guess normally I wouldnt care too much, but now i'm just confused... I'm thinking how open one should be in these matters. However, even though i'm consfused I know I have good reasons for liking these people, so i'm thinking of just being completely open and tell them somthing like... I like them and want to try and make friends outside of work. Sort of. I don't know, I havent made new friends in a hell of a long time, making this even more difficult. Normally I would have a sense of where I stand with other people, but because of how messed up my mind is right now I can't tell if I would just be opening myself to get hurt. On the other hand... I guess the worst thing would be not trying at all.

Sometimes I actually wish people would be a bit more up front. I think one of the more difficult issues for me is that I cannot judge clearly for myself the way I look. I can't really tell how much is just in my head. That can make it difficult in situations like choosing what to wear and reading peoples reactions. I try to judge by what I see in the mirror, but mirrors don't necessarily tell the truth and a lot depends on what you choose to focus on. To explain that last thing a little bit... As you are probably aware people can obsess about the strangest things and find faults that others will just shake their heads at. Take for example a good looking girl who obsesses about her weight because she just found out that her old jeans are a little bit too tight. If she tries to look at it objectively she only sees that the pants are definitely getting too small and her butt is clearly softer. The horror! However, any sane person looking at the whole picture, will just see a very attractive girl. For me it's a little bit of the same thing, with the difference that it's definitely noticebale, I just don't know to what degree... and I think you can imagine what it does to your head when you grow up with it, while also being fat. I'm usually pretty confident but some things are just hard to let go. Anyway... regarding people saying things; for whatever reason, they don't. First of all, you asked some really good questions there, and i'll get to them as soon as I have a little more time. Regarding the problem solving itself, I don't have much hope for that. I'm 25 now so it's starting to get a little late for that. It could happen though, if i'm lucky, and that's a good reason to at least wait with surgery(it might come back otherwise, so...). So in any case, surgery is going to wait. Meanwhile I think I should see if an endocrinologist could help.

My financial situation is such that I have been out of a job for a little while, but rather recently got a new one. This means that at the moment I have no credit and I have to live with my parents. So my main priority has been to put away money so I can get my own apartment asap. If I put off those plans I could maybe get the money in six months or so, but that would be a truly desperate solution. On the other hand, living on my own I would probably be happy if I could save anything at all. That's how I think it would look like for at least a few years, especially if I decide to pursue some higher education. This is also another reason why I try to save as much as possible now, so I have some savings later. If they could my parents would help me, but I can't stand owing them money, especially when I know they need to save everything they can for their retirement. Of course it's not impossible. As someone once said; impossible is just an opinion. What i'm merely saying is that raising that kind of money might take a long while. However, one possibility could be to make small payments. But that option is still a bit ahead in the future, hopefully not too far away though. Another option would be to get a better paid job, but that's easier said than done and would mean taking a big risk. And right now, although I don't get paid that much, I really love waking up in the morning and going to work. That's worth a hell of a lot. Anyway... I think my biggest problem is not to the part of raising the money. I can do that, with time. It's just that meanwhile... Btw, you mentioned talking to a surgeon and I have just got a little vague information suggesting that there might be a slim chance of treating it with certain medication. It seems rather unsure but... maybe. The biggest problem is probably that such substances are so heavily restricted here in Sweden that I may have to beat a prescription out of the doctor...