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SMS

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  1. SMS

    Help Me, Please.

    Yes, I'm sure they will if I give them enough time. Thank you.
  2. SMS

    Help Me, Please.

    You're right. This is one fact that I have studiously been ignoring. A full context? Not a very clear goal, but I'm working on it. That's just what I don't think, and that is why I'm generally so depressed. But I see your point and I feel better already. Thanks. I've wasted a lot of precious time and hurt many people who care for me because I did not care for myself. I can see where I have been wrong. Mrs. Speicher: Would you please explain in a little more detail? How exactly should a person take morality? Once I have reasoned out something to be wrong, must I force it upon myself never to do it? Or should I drive it in so deeply that I never feel like doing it anyway?
  3. No, that's not what I meant. Although, like MinorityOfOne said in another thread, the branches of philosophy can be read in any order one finds interesting, it was difficult for me not to get confused when studying it in such an arbitrary fashion. Reading The Fountainhead after Atlas Shrugged was like slamming the brakes on a speeding vehicle and driving in reverse because of the fundamentality of the issues dealt with in The Fountainhead and the fact that Atlas Shrugged took many of them as understood, like egoism, individualism, etc.
  4. I've always loved watching cartoons. Needless to say, that has made me an object for ridicule: "You're not a kid!", "Look at him!", etc. The kind that makes you think of what human being would be incapable of such personal attachment. I know exactly what Mrs. Speicher means when she talks of personal values. I love cartoons because I love them, not because "people" should or because "Objectivists" (synonymous with "people" in this context) do. That is the one most precious quality a human being has - of being himself - and that is the quality in him that is constantly under attack. By the way, anyone interested in telling me what cartoon heroes they like? Or what they think makes them "heroes" in the proper sense of the term? Personally though, I've never stopped enjoying the ol' Tom and Jerry cartoons. A fun way of learning "tit for tat", or "as you sow, so shall you reap", don't you think?
  5. I remember thinking after I'd finished The Fountainhead the second time that it was nowhere close to Atlas Shrugged in its pace and scope, covering very little ground in all its pages than Atlas Shrugged covered in very few. Like I said before, Miss Rand herself had said She also said I agree with Mrs. Speicher. I was utterly confounded by people and life in general and Atlas Shrugged gave me the tools I needed to understand them, or atleast ideas that I could work on. It's terrible to loose one's footing everytime one has to deal with people or even with oneself. My problem with The Fountainhead seems to be my inability (so far) to clearly differentiate each character. My almost equivalent appraisal of each character makes it a book populated by a constant Roark-Toohey combo personality, which I'll have to clear up. I remember actually liking Ellsworth Toohey at some point. As literature, Atlas Shrugged has no match. It's the sort of book that makes you feel like you'll never need (for guidance or inspiration) another book again. That is what literature is for, isn't it? It's sort of a handbook for life. Where it differs from The Fountainhead is in the direct applicability of its ideas to everyday life and that is how it was obviously meant to be. I seem to have made the same mistake, nimble. That's exactly how I felt - that The Fountainhead had lost the charm a new book has before it has been and while it is being read. Not only has the inversion of the ideal sequence in which these book should have been read made The Fountainhead appear less significant than it really is but it has also led to a mental inversion of the proper logical sequence in which the ideas in the two books should have been placed.
  6. I read The Fountainhead way back in 1996 when I was far too young to understand it. I read Atlas Shrugged last year and was hooked. I re-read The Fountainhead after that but I just couldn't enjoy it as much as I had Atlas Shrugged. Is my evalutaion of The Fountainhead incorrect? Or is it just the fact that it was, in Miss Rand's words, an overture to Atlas Shrugged, that keeps me from enjoying it as much?
  7. SMS

    Help Me, Please.

    So, as I have it: (Attn: Brian) I would let my dislike for someone destroy my motivation and only the idea that someone above me had to be put down would drive me to work. In other words, I based myself incorrectly on a comparative standard living second-handedly because I could not fight my emotions (here, dislike), which are automatic and cannot be fought simply by willpower but which arose due to a failure to see the full context, which was then automatised also. M(istake)1. I lost the full context and thus let myself be severely affected. M2. Fighting my emotions by willpower and failing was the source of my guilt and frustration. M3. Second-handedness was the escape route. iouswuoibev has something to say about emotions: Don adds: and there's more in his article "On Smoking". I agree with you, iouswuoibev and Don. I can already see the difference that the change in perspective, or as Stephen Covey put it, the "paradigm shift", has made. Don: Before I logged on, I was thinking of starting a new thread named "The First Step" or something of that sort just to re-introduce the ideas you have put forth. You're absolutely right. These ideas have far greater implications than just helping people quit smoking. All of us grow in knowledge as we grow older and that often includes changing and upgrading existing knowledge (if it is knowledge at all) which might not always be in consonance with new knowledge or with new decisions (such as not evading, etc.) We are not born rational and the way to rationality is fraught with massive contradictions we must resolve before moving further. That is generally made difficult by the automatic nature of our emotions that arise due to previously held (ingrained) ideas. If you take me as the archetypical average man, mistakes 1 - 3 are my downfall. Your "method" of conquering emotions is very different from the typical "try harder" approach and you may throw this "technology for getting there" in Nathaniel Branden's face. This is exactly the sort of dilemma he holds people (like me) are generally in and which, according to him, Objectivism and Ayn Rand do not address. Read his essay here. Why don't you start a new thread where we could discuss the implications of your ideas, if you're not up to writing a book just yet, Don? I'd rather not so I'll leave that decision to you. Both of you and iouswuoibev have given me my most precious pieces of advice and I'd hate to see them wasted at the bottom of my topic. jedymastyr: Thank you. Yes, I think that's how I'll start -- bit by bit -- until I regain my confidence and motivation.
  8. SMS

    Help Me, Please.

    Yes. It was a Freudian slip I guess. You hit the nail right on the head. This is an issue that has bothered me often and I think it does many other people too. That's taken care of.
  9. SMS

    Help Me, Please.

    I've just finished reading "On Smoking" by DPW on his site "Anger Management" and this is one part of the problem you, hippie, and I are facing. When I do keep the full context I feel like there's nothing that can put me down and that the whole world is there for me to conquer but it is so hard to look beyond the hurt and the boredom as I'm sure you know. I haven't said it, but what actually makes me hate a teacher is his or her lack of ability to integrate anything he or she teaches with anything else that has been, is being or shall be taught and that is a daunting task I know because I too teach, and much better than most of my teachers I admit. But, that is what a teacher's job is and difficult as it may be, the alternative for a student is to learn by himself, in which case the teacher is redundant and a parasite, or to learn by rote, which to any rational student is impossible. In either case, a teacher forfeits his right to his students' respect. In any case, keeping the full context is what it is ultimately all about. My de-motivation stems from the fact that I let the boredom make me lose the full context, ie. the context of my life and all that its maintenance entails, and so is my responsibility. I might still hate the teachers but to let it get to me is my decision. I have also been mistaken about my dislike for the subjects I do study. I do not hate any subject, not Chemistry, not Analog Electronics, but the fact that it does not fit into my knowledge system as further knowledge because I learn it by rote. Like I've said before, it was my naivete in thinking that it was the teachers' job to do that that got me. Like you said I shall have to re-invent and boy what a task it is going to be, with three years of learning by rote behind me I have a lot to cover up both in terms of lost opportunities and lost self-esteem. I'll try to widen the scope of my interests, which really are not as small as I might have led you to believe. I still have many more interests and (acquired) skills than most of my companions, yet it was my studies that bothered me. I had never wanted college to be "gotten over with" because I was always the studious sort (I still am, although my college studies are not my primary interest). "What a monumental waste!", I say to myself often. But that is not what life must be. I live for the day that I might leave India and come to the land Ayn Rand chose on the basis of a rational judgement of its merits. Thank you, hippie, for understanding and thank you DPW (may I call you Don?) for teaching me how to quit smoking, although I do not smoke.
  10. SMS

    Help Me, Please.

    Thank you DPW. I am satisfied with the answers I have received from you and from iouswuoibev. You guys have been a great help.
  11. SMS

    Help Me, Please.

    Well they are the sort of goals anyone would have, eg. to be top of my class, to be the best programmer around, etc. taken to an extreme. Nothing less than perfection will do but to even try to be perfect everytime is very taxing. My mind is relentless and unforgiving: mistakes are never flaws of knowledge, always breaches of rationality, and that places a LOT of guilt on my shoulders. I cannot bear the slightest criticism of my work, not that the desire to be perfect is bad, but that it being all-consuming is. It's like wanting to be John Galt and then cursing oneself for not living up to that ideal. It's a vicious circle: you want to be good but you're not and so you torture yourself psychologically and that makes it worse because forcing yourself to be good kills any desire to do so. So now you're even worse and it goes on like that. That's why I find Ed from OC's advice useful because he tells me to cut some slack. Not that I don't want to improve but that I'll work on myself and not kill myself in the process. This is, incidentally, what a lot of people do suffer from: the guilt brought about by an unattained ideal. As a concrete example: You have just pointed out a flaw in my character. I agree and so I will never forgive myself for having that flaw and that will destroy any desire to talk to you further and I shall either rationalise it or give up all together. (This is what I do, by the way.) No, I would rather not, but thank you anyway. You're right. That is entirely my decision to make. I will not discuss it further. I have a very low self esteem but I am working on it. Thank you very much.
  12. SMS

    Help Me, Please.

    Thank you. It's heartening to see so many "selfish" people who care enough to give and take reasons while our "unselfish" brethren don't give a damn. oaktree: I am an undergraduate student studying for a B. Tech in Electronics Engineering in the final year now at the Aligarh Muslim University, India, and, as its name suggests, its atmosphere is stifling. The self-righteousness just kills me. I was a Muslim until I discovered Atlas Shrugged and now I am an atheist. I intend to write down someday what exactly Islam says and how it is wrong. I have never liked doing things halfway and so I studied more of Islam and its principles (as against its rituals) than most people ever do and am thus in a good position to make such an assessment. DPW: In India, you do what you're told period. Not that they use physical force. They just don't listen and maybe physical force wouldn't be so psychologically damaging. When I left school I was much better than most students are in programming in C++ through their Computer Engineering and in jobs after that, atleast in India. Not to say that I don't have my shortcomings. I have an immense aptitude for programming but I've not grown with it and while what I've learnt can be a great place to start from it will not get me a job, especially since in India a "degree" or a "certificate" matters more than your actual ability. I have already lost one chance to get selected on-campus but that was just because I'm "anti-social", i.e. I do not enjoy being around people (the kind I described in my previous post) and so I flunked the company's (that it was one of the best in India was horribly hard to bear) "psychometric" test. iouswuoibev: Yes, I do feel that a program is a work of art and I have so far not found a single person who cares whether his program is readable or not, or whether it's properly commented. Can you imagine what an entirely unindented program looks like? Spare yourself the torture and don't ever look at one. There was a time in school that I'd give anything for five minutes to sit on a computer and program it. That was three years ago and I didn't have my computer then. Incidentally the reason I was never bought a computer was that I wouldn't do anything else. Good reason, eh? I have always been laughed at for the times I forget myself whle programming. Can one's work ever be less than that? But what tortures me is that I rarely feel like that anymore. Programming still evokes the feelings it did but now I never feel like programming, and that's bad. In India one needs the system. I remember how I came into this hell hole (and it's one of the best). I just couldn't bring myself to study high school chemistry. (It was the start. This is the end.) I lost my chance to get into the most prestigous engineering colleges in India. That was the first loss I suffered and I still don't see what the hell chemistry would have done for me. Did I have to mug up those hundred plus reactions and a lot more crap because I might need it someday? I couldn't care less. Ed from OC: I do things that give me pleasure: I watch movies, listen to music, read and enjoy humour. In addition I teach basic programming. That gives me a LOT of pleasure and it has transformed me from a shy loser to a person who knows what he feels without evasion and has the courage to say it. But, and that's a big but, I take others' evasions very seriously not because it's any of my business but because their evasions affect my life in some way or the other. And people don't want to see, they just don't want to see. That is what I meant by mediocrity. But I guess you're right, I need a break. I think I've been setting unrealistic goals and one doesn't become Hank Rearden overnight, right? Evening watching movies seemed like a sin. Yes, maybe that's it: the unearned guilt over unrealistic unrealisable goals not attained. Thank you, but that was just one part of the problem, albeit the larger part. I might start programming again. I might also try to focus more on the good things in life. My choice of career was wrong because I decided on the basis of what I should do rather than of what I wanted to do. That is why I am so dissatisfied and bored. I wouldn't have been so de-motivated if I had been more Aristotelian when making my choice of career, even if a few courses were not to my liking. But alas! In my society, you get no second chances. I am dependent on my parents and although they could get me into another undergraduate course they are too scared to think of it. It's always, "Why didn't you think of it sooner?", "It was your decision in the first place.", etc. I'll have to make do but with a lot more courage now, even though it is too late. All: You've all been a great help. Not only has the fact that you cared to reply given me courage but even while I wrote my replies to you I could observe the mistakes I have made and the corrections and logic I must now implement. Thank you. May the God of the theists bless you! P.S. Would you guys please help me out with a few more problems that have been bugging me? And please don't consider my first problem as closed. You've given me a LOT to work on and I'd be glad if my replies were to suggest to you something I might still be doing wrong or even if you might have something new for me to consider. 1. Is it immoral to be attracted to physical beauty? 2. Why are sexual urges impossible to control sometimes? Is it wrong to give in? 3. What do I owe my parents? They are not rational but they work hard and they're supporting me. Have I forfeited the right to their money by not studying (and I am over 18)? I want to but you know what my problem is. In other words: Am I bound to spend their money exactly as they want it? It makes me guilty if I do not but kills me if I try to. 4. Should I change my Muslim name because it might bother me while travel or immigration since I'm not a Muslim anymore and don't care? 5. I feel very lonely. I have friends but my friendship with them is only superficial since none of them really cares about right or wrong. But they have their good qualities and I do need them around. Must a person ignore the bad points in others? Isn't it giving them your sanction? And yes, it is my business what they think when it affects my life, especially because they do it again and again. 6. Must I meet relatives because they "love" me? Is someone else's love a responsibility on me? Can I have no reason except the fact that I don't feel as they do to not meet them? Does the fact that cutting of from them will drastically affect my life change anything? In other words: I do not care to return another's affections in the way they want it simply because I do not share their feelings and that might deprive me of what they are doing for me, which I need. 7. Is an intense devotion to one particular field or subject wrong? Or must one be "practical" and study what they think is "good" or "lucrative"? Is it immoral to love one field of study exclusively even though it might not bring in the moolah and the very exclusivity of one's devotion might make it difficult to survive?
  13. SMS

    Help Me, Please.

    I was a very promising student who gave up. I have come to the point of intentionally having left one of my papers and, while choosing the torture of fear for my future over the agony of boredom in class was very difficult, that is why I did it - because it was agony. That is a most horrible choice to have to make. I find it very, very hard to give a damn about my teachers or what they teach except for a few programming courses which I've studied on my own and, due to my strong analytical skills, have mastered. The one thing that I have resented most is their desire, which is of course natural for a teacher, to have my mind, yet their way of acquiring it (surprise tests, smirks, sarcasm and the thinly veiled threat of failure) is revolting. Mustn't one's courses always be appropriate in the context of one's goals and one's goals appropriate in the context of one's abilities? Or must they be studied because the experts have agreed on it? Not one teacher has ever explained to me why I must study one course or another and how it fits into my scheme of things (integration) and, for my naivete in thinking that it was their job to tell me that while it was mine to study, I have been destroyed. Very few things have ever evoked in me as strong emotions as two things have: programming and Atlas Shrugged. It is my deepest pleasure to study Objectivism, be it through Miss Rand's works or Dr. Peikoff's or the astounding logic I have seen on this site, just as it is to program the computer. Maybe more than that: it's bliss. The hours just fly by and they leave me with a terrible feeling of guilt - guilt for not working hard and fulfilling my responsibilities, not the least of which is lifting the burden that I have become off the shoulders of my parents, who, however irrational they may be, have and are supporting me to the best of their ability (not for very long, though, since they are old and shall retire soon). What hurts me greater than anything is my failure to study programming further and the absolute absence of any desire to do so except when a problem I must solve requires that I do. Is it immoral to want a reason? I know that I am being emotionalist and destroying my career in what people call "futile protest against a system that will not change" but no, it is not of a desire to fight them that I have acted as I have but because of my complete, agonising, torturous indifference. What is the proper choice of career for a man? Isn't that too an objective decision? It must, realistically, be based on a proper assessment of one's aptitudes and talents, must it not? What if each course does not give me what I want from it? I have been very late in making this decision for I have already spent three years in my undergraduate course and at this point, while I cannot go backwards, I surely have no desire to go forward. Why are people so hard to bear? I agree that to allow people to affect one strongly would be to permit them control over oneself but what if you had to live with these people and could not withdraw from the relationship. I have never held a mistake to be immoral, only the desire not to correct it or to correct the premises wrongly held, and boy does no one want to do that! (As a side thought, one of my teachers once remarked when I replied incorrectly to one of his questions, "It is not wrong to not know, but it it the superlative degree of ignorance to know wrongly." The pain has still not left me. If he had only told me the correct answer...) I no longer wish to live, and fight the mediocrity that is killing me with boredom. I hope you do understand how personally significant this issue is for me and I am sure that none of you will theorise over my predicament. Help me please to find meaning in life. These are the words I say to myself often: "I shall NOT go through life bewildered." I don't know anymore.
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