Nick Savoy

That's a great point. If you don't mind, I think you can simplify that further -- in the first 30-90 seconds, a man gets labeled "no" or "maybe". It's rare for a woman to be ready to have sex with a max within 90 seconds of meeting him. It happens, but those are outliers. You can get out of the no pile, but it's not as easy as if you started in "maybe". That's why we're spending a lot of time now talking about body language and non-verbal communication, since those are often key to how women make a first impression.

Good Lord, I hope not! I was curious about the technical underpinnings of how this all works, not advocating it. Sort of like watching The Wire when it was on -- it's fascinating, but didn't make me want to become a drug dealer. I'm the last person you'd get to defend Mystery. I was President of Mystery Method Corp from late 2004 until it changed its name to Love Systems. Gags - I was kind of wondering that too. Would that be considered entrapment? Or would that even matter when most of the US is (I think) governed by 'no fault' divorces? It also just kind of made me wonder about what we expect from ourselves and our partners. I completely agree that lasting self-esteem can't be found from repeated 'conquests'. I know people who live that way, and they are only as happy as their last conquest was recent. It's like filling a bucket with a hole it. It's a danger -- guys who have not had the success with women that they've wanted and then discover Love Systems are sometimes like the starving guy who suddenly learns that he's been living behind an all you can eat buffet his whole life and never noticed it. He might overindulge at first. I did. But it was also - for me anyway - a necessary bridge between being frustrated, not having good relationships because I was often 'settling' or wondering what else was out there, and being able to be with someone from a position of strength and choice.

Hi Eiuol, Interesting questions - goes to the essence of where does 'manipulation' end and 'flirting' begin? I think most reasonable people can agree that neither extreme is desirable. You don't need to lie and deceive to get the girl. But completely ignoring social conventions, women's expectations of the 'rhythm' of flirting, and minor factors (will discuss in a second) that actually really DO matter to the outcome, is not desirable either. Like I've said before, "flirting is a fun game and women want to play too." There are many women who may like you just fine "on paper" but if you don't act like a challenge or make her work for it a bit, won't sustain their interest. And no, it's not just the 'flighty' ones. Everyone should find a middle ground that feels right to them. I'm a technician and social engineer, not a priest or philosopher. My contribution is to provide the tools and experience on how to use them. If out of the whole toolbox all you want to be using is the hammer and the pliers, then all power to you - at least they'll be the best darn hammers and the best darn pliers you've ever seen and you'll use them to perfection. Onto your question -- will "her" reasons be "rational" for chasing you? No, probably not. Most of the time, attraction isn't rational. People like to think that they set out for looking for someone with qualities A, B, and C, and when they find that person, then they're attracted. Studies (as well as our experience) have shown that it often (not always) doesn't work this way. Especially for women. Often the process is Attraction --> Rationalization of that Attraction as opposed to Checklist --> Confirm --> Attraction. I used to ask women at what moment did they know they were attracted to me and why - obviously after something happened between us. Sometimes the answers would be so bizarre and arbitrary (e.g., "I liked your shirt" even if someone else was wearing the same shirt) that it could only be rationalization. Actually, this process works with a lot of emotions other than attraction too. Often times first comes the emotion, THEN comes the justification for it. Hope this helps. Great forum you guys have here.

I'd heard about people getting hired to "test" the faithfulness of their partner -- hire some guy to randomly meet up with your girlfriend somewhere you know she's going to be, having him approach her, see if she takes the bait (or vice versa, if you're the girl testing your boyfriend's loyalty). I think there's a company that does this in the UK, maybe there's more. But this I hadn't really heard of before - at least not outside far-fetched courtroom dramas - people getting hired to seduce half of a couple and bring pictures to the other half for divorce court. Read all about it in the Times of London here (hat tip - Mr. M): http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_an...icle7119999.ece It's interesting for more than a 'stare at the train crash' kind of way. Look at how they plan these seductions -- it's not some guy running into her at a bar. That's probably too hit or miss for guys who don't have pick up artist training, so they're smart. They set up the social context. Note the presence of other women, including at least one female friend. Note the peer approval for her actions. Note the way it "just happened" that the party continued in the hotel. Note how other people just drifted away so it "just happened" to be her and him in the hotel room at the end. Note also, alcohol This fits in with a lot of stuff Love Systems (formerly The Mystery Method Corp.) talks about when it comes to dates, like: * Use your turf, not hers * Make logistical moves (bar to hotel, hotel party to hotel alone, etc.) seamless * Groups are great if your friends know what they are doing * Context matters. A lot. -NS (Another curious thing just hit me -- with that UK company I remember that 'tests' for loyalty, I remember reading that one of their rules was that they don't send testers/seducers who are significantly better looking than the person they are trying to test. That seems weird to me. Most guys who are worried about their wives or girlfriends cheating aren't really worried about the average guy on the corner - they're worried about how she'll react when given a chance with smooth-looking eye candy. And same for women. Odd.)

You enter the comfort phase once she is attracted to you and you've convinced her that you are interested in her for reasons she thinks are valid. In other words: • You enter comfort as soon as you both accept that you are attracted to each other. • You leave comfort (and go into seduction) as soon as you escalate to sexual touching. Comfort is the missing ingredient that allows you to convert mutual attraction into sex. Comfort changes her from "I want him but I don't know him well enough" into "I want him." Sounds easy, doesn't it? By itself, it is. Most men can make a woman feel comfortable with them if they're not trying to have sex. (Sex comes in the seduction phase, so don't worry about sex for anything in the comfort phase.) However, you have three things working against you: 1. You never know how much comfort is enough. Not enough comfort before you shift into seduction, and you're a horny loser. Too much comfort before you make a move, and you're a pussy. This used to be a big trap for guys, but there is a way to work through this. 2. You can't focus only on comfort. If you spend all of your effort making her feel comfortable and safe around you without maintaining the tension and intrigue that you created in the attraction phase, then she'll get bored and you'll lose her. On the other hand, rocking the tension too high in comfort will feel awkward and out of place, and will also destroy any comfort you've built up. 3. You have to escalate touching. This is important preparation for seduction. In the seduction phase, you will obviously need to be touching her in an increasingly sexual way. You may have figured that this is seduction, and that you don't have to worry about physical escalation while in comfort, right? Wrong. It's hard enough in seduction to shift from non-sexual touching to sexual touching. It's infinitely harder in seduction to shift from no touching at all to sexual touching. You're setting yourself up for failure in seduction if you don't do the groundwork in comfort. So, how do we build comfort and defeat these obstacles? • You get points for just being there: You build comfort with a woman by being in situations with her where you could theoretically try to escalate sexually with her, but don't. If she can sit on your couch without you being all over her, that will build comfort. If you can grind with her on the dance floor without grabbing her ass, that builds comfort. • Speed things up with multiple venues: Boy takes "Girl A" to the park. They have a picnic and hang out for 6 hours. Boy takes "Girl B" window shopping, then they grab a bite, then they go to bookstore, then they have a drink, all over a 6 hour period. Which girl is more likely to be "ready?" Girl B. She has seen herself in more situations with the guy, and therefore feels she knows him better. • Make YOURSELF her source of comfort: Imagine that a girl invites you to a party. It turns out that she knows "everyone" and that you know "no one." She leaves for a few minutes and you awkwardly meet her friends while attempting to make a good impression, but it's still stressful not knowing anyone. Then she comes back, and you're relieved. Then she goes and you're uncomfortable, etc. If you've been following along, you can see how useful this is in reverse. Bring her to places where you're the center of attention. Make her work to win your attention. By working to win your attention, by being happier when you're around than when you're not, by trying to make a good impression on your friends, she will be following behavior patterns that she is accustomed to following when she's interested in someone. Making her follow them with you solidifies her attraction, while building comfort. • Be genuinely interested in her. Remember, she won you over in qualification. You don't need to be so dismissive anymore. Now that you're in comfort, it's expected, normal, and attractive for you to ask her personal questions about herself. On the other hand... • Don't stop being a challenge. Keep the romantic/sexual tension going during the comfort phase. At appropriate times, you should still tease her, disagree with her, etc. Once there is no tension, the interaction becomes boring for a girl. The comfort game requires a lot of subtlety and mental dexterity. The high-energy flair in attraction isn't really useful here. To some extent, comfort is where you "be yourself" – or at least, be who you want to be – and let her learn about you, while you do the same with her. If this isn't easy, don't worry. Like the other phases, it needs practice and intuition. ADVANCED SECTION Jealousy Plotlines! Use this one with caution. It's a necessary element in the toolbox of any man, so you will need to know how to do this effectively with 9s and 10s. However, this is a really easy place to make mistakes, so practice the basic elements of comfort first. A jealousy plotline is used to make your target woman feel jealous of another woman, or women, who are interested in you and to whom you are neutral or interested. You can introduce jealousy plotlines directly or indirectly. Here's a brief example of a direct jealousy plotline: I take Sarah out shopping, and happen to run into Amanda on the street. Amanda is quite attractive, gives me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, and when leaving tells me to call her so we'll go out for a drink - it's a direct plotline because it's happening where the target (Sarah) can perceive it. An indirect plotline would be when out shopping with Sarah, I mention that I have to be done at 6, since a friend of mine is cooking me dinner. Sarah knows that guys don't make plans to cook each other dinner, so she knows it's a date - instant jealousy plotline. Done properly, jealousy can do a lot of good: • First, it acts as a trigger for a woman's "pursuit" switch. A woman can be enjoying an interaction, not really thinking about it, until a feeling of jealousy hits. At that point, she can't deny to herself that she wants you. She'll try harder at that point, and in trying to seduce you, she will want you even more. • Second, jealousy is a strong feeling. Women like strong feelings and going through a range of emotions. Feeling jealousy and then feeling relaxed and then feeling confused and then feeling happy has much more of an effect on a woman than just feeling happy. • Third, jealousy will make your job in seduction much easier. She knows you have options, so withholding sex becomes counterproductive for her. She knows you can just get it somewhere else. Also, she knows that other women are staking their claim, so she'd better move on you before it's too late. • Fourth, jealousy can create comfort for a woman who dates a lot. Many attractive women are always casually dating a small number of guys when they are between relationships. A woman might find it more comfortable to date someone in the same situation as opposed to a man who is focused solely on her and who doesn't have other options. This being said, nothing can totally kill a good interaction with a woman as quickly (and irreparably) as a poorly executed jealousy plotline. Here are some hints: • Less is more so don't overdo it. Let her imagination do the work for you. "I have to stop off and pick up some wine; a friend is coming over for dinner," is infinitely better than "my hot 21-year old neighbor is so in love with me, she keeps calling wanting to come over; it's really nice." The latter betrays insecurity. • Make it "accidental." Doing anything that makes it look like you're trying to make her jealous will backfire. Don't talk about another girl unless there's a reason for it. • Respect social norms. If you're on a date with a girl and you run into another girl, it's okay (good, actually). Introduce her to your date, and talk for 5 minutes. It's not cool to go off for 20 minutes with her and leave your date alone. This would display social awkwardness. Similarly, brushing off the "other girl" would make your date feel like you have something to hide. Greet the "other girl" like you would a good friend that you hadn't seen in a while. Take it from there. • Make sure the jealousy is warranted. If I'm on a date with Tammy the supermodel, bumping into my friend's dorky kid sister Gertrude and being all into her won't create much jealousy. You can help this - intro the "other girl" by telling your date cool things about her, the same way you would if you were talking to two women and your male wingman showed up. • Don't ever – EVER – be jealous yourself. She had a sex life before she met you. If you're attracted to her, other guys are too. Get over it. She will mention other guys, sometimes in passing, sometimes to test you. Don't ask leading questions (as an example: "Did he stay over?") or try to learn more (example two: "So, this guy you're dating..." in an effort to see if she contradicts you over the word 'dating'). Just cut the thread and move on. It's important to develop a good intuition for different situations. Unfortunately, this only comes from experience. So get out there and try this stuff. Try it over and over until you "get it." There's no feeling in the world that's better than the first time you make a new tactic or skill work when picking up a beautiful woman.