cw2000

Thanks for the help. It's good to hear about someone who was successful in getting over something similar. Is there anyway that you found to really get over it more quickly without evasion? I understand, at least partially, why it happened and I think I forgive her, but the thought of her with him will sneak into my mind sometimes and the automatic response is one of disgust and sadness. Since this frequently accompanies the good thoughts of her, I would really like to keep those thoughts from ruining my positive thoughts of her, but I know it's unhealthy to pretend that it never happened.

While I agree that she both didn't respect me and had a good reason, I trust that she respects me now. And breaking up with her is not an option that I'm willing to pursue.

Claire, that was rather unnecessary. I know that I was at fault for treating her badly and I've corrected the problem that was at the heart of that action. I'm not asking for sympathy, I'm asking for advice so I can work to make our relationship better now.

Also, I don't think it's an issue with possession. It really has more to do with what doing those things with him (the one that has affected me most is the sex) meant. In doing those things she held him as an equal and I feel sometimes that transitively I was at best his equal and more likely his inferior in her view (this maybe irrational to some degree). It feels that the fact that she kissed/had sex with him means that her doing so with me is tainted in some way.

We've talked a lot about it. She says that she never really felt anything strong for him but that he was nice to her, which I had not been doing, so she felt a connection to him. And as to why she was with someone who was so clearly her inferior she believes that it was an evasion on her part, namely only seeing the few parts of him that were good and acting as if the overwhelming parts of him that were bad did not exist.

I'm having a tough time dealing with something my girlfriend did. We were together for a year and a half and after treating her poorly for a good amount of time (something that I have analyzed and realized why it happened and vowed to never do it again) she broke up with me. The night after she broke up with me, she kissed another man and started dating him, having sex with him only three days after she had left me. They dated for a month and a half during which time she lived with him. I knew the guy that she was with before any of this happened (in fact, I introduced them when we were still dating) and generally thought that he was not a good person. My girlfriend has since broken up with me and we have gotten back together (long-distance now unfortunately). I love her more than anyone I have ever known, but I'm having a really difficult time coping with the fact that she was with him. Any advice?