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The Power of Polarity in Romance
KevinD posted a topic in Relationships, Love, Sex, Romance(This is an article I wrote for my romantic advice blog for men, The Leading Man.) In her book The Passion of Ayn Rand, Barbara Branden quotes from interviews she recorded with Rand about her life and career. Talking about her years as a teenager in Soviet Russia, Rand spoke of walking with a young man who made an indelible impression on her: "I don't remember the conversation on the way home, we just talked, nothing romantic. But he had a manner of projecting that he's a man and you're a woman and he's aware of it." "By the time I arrived home," Rand said, "I was madly and desperately in love."* (Years later, Rand would name one of the main characters of her novel We the Living — Leo — after him.) If there is a single idea which a man must grasp and master if he is to build a powerful romantic relationship with a woman, it's polarity. Polarity is the recognition of the fact that romance — at least heterosexual romance — is predicated on the existence of two sexes; there is male and female, man and woman, masculine/feminine. To a Leading Man, the fact of sex, and therefore of sexual differences, is an enormously good thing. We do all that we can to positively stress and to celebrate that women and men are not exactly identical in every way. Unfortunately, many men ignore, minimize or attempt to downplay sex differences. In their efforts to be respectful and "modern," they treat a woman they are romantically interested in as a buddy or pal. Instead of torrid passion, these men often find themselves caught in a tepid friendship. Polarity is essential to forming a deeply erotic connection with a woman. In romance, a woman wants & needs to be seen and experienced by a man as a woman — not merely as a person, and definitely not as a sexless neuter. To fall in love with a woman means falling in love with her feminine essence. It means being turned on by the challenge that her femininity poses to you. When polarity weakens in a relationship, things get boring. When it isn't there from the beginning, relationships often don't get off the ground. A sophisticated man is not threatened by sexual differences. He embraces, enjoys and appreciates them. To the man who understands romance, "I'm a man, you're a woman" isn't a put-down, nor does it represent an attempt to return to caveman days. It's a basic fact of reality, one which underlies and makes possible the most exciting kind of relationship between two human beings. *I have a number of misgivings about Ms. Branden, and I do not generally endorse her biography of Ayn Rand. However I have no reason to believe that this quotation is inaccurate. © 2013 Kevin Delaney
Is settling in love good?
LoBagola posted a topic in Psychology and Self ImprovementAs someone who's never been in what I'd consider a strong relationship, it's something I've recently thought a lot about. I first look outward and notice that many people are in relationships (and many not) and then I look inward and see that I've never been that way: the longest relationship I've had was six months and I entered it because I thought maybe this is just something I need to cultivate and build and only then will I be in a loving relationship. I was more indifferent to my partner after six months then I was after one. And from this experience, many years ago, I concluded that the whole concept of love was bullocks, rubbish perpetuated in movies & books that convinces people to give up on their values for other stupid people--but this changed. After many more years of not being in one relationship I fell intensely in love with someone who I was briefly with and then lost. This was the kind of love that had moments I'd intensely, passionately & feverishly live out a long dull life of labor for to just to experience once more. It caused a complete change in my attitude and life's direction, but I don't need to go into that in this post. So now I sit here believing that the kind of love sometimes depicted in movies or books is real & that it offers, not the only kind, but the highest kind of happiness open to man. But my experience also tells me that it's incredibly rare: often when I've spoken to people I've felt that they haven't experienced it even though they've been in many relationships (?). I would dismiss this as not worth the thought were it not for also talking with people where I feel the exact opposite--that they "get it". E.g. I recently spoke to my friend about an ex-partner and everything about his description makes me thinks he felt something similar to me. He described much of his happiness just being the knowledge that she existed, i.e., the knowledge that someone who was that way could exist and that he could meet them and be with them. And then I compare that to others who talk about a partner and don't ever speak of love or who's eyes don't light up at the topic at all. And I think about how I once asked my love how many people I meet are always in relationships and why I feel incapable of it--and she answered "you don't settle." And that's it. I think that's it. But I've also been thinking maybe settling could be a good thing? Maybe if you meet someone you share some values with you can actually build something that involves feelings as passionate as the highest kind of love? I'd be really interested in hearing from someone who experienced both immediate and intense passion, but that also built the same feeling up over many years through cultivating a relationship. So far in my life I've met many people who've been in numerous long term relationships and said they loved all their partners; but till now, based on my own experience, I find that impossible to believe, at least in the sense that I understand love (as distinct from like or like a lot or even many kinds of other love). But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe that approach to life is better--to cultivate as many relationships as you can, as long as they provide some value. Or also maybe they are just excellent at meeting many people? I think if I could line up a particular demographic of the whole country every morning and spend 5 minutes chatting to 12 people I'd very likely meet the love of my life within a few months or less. (please do not talk about online dating.) This'll eventually bring me to my next post (more like open-ended question) on friendships.
Ilya Startsev posted a topic in Miscellaneous TopicsI am conducting research, the results of which will be posted on my blog. The question I am most concerned with is: Can you feel fear and love at the same time?
Join me on Sunday, October 20, 2013 at 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 8 p.m. Central / 9 p.m. Eastern for a free, live & interactive Webinar, held in conjunction with my blog The Leading Man. I'll discuss seven key principles of romantic/sexual seduction for men! RSVP now, and get instant access to a 3-page PDF of notes for the Webinar. Some of what we'll cover: ▪ The importance of a guiltless attitude toward sex. Why doubts, insecurities & hang-ups can be a man's worst enemies in seduction. ▪ Being a "sexual giver" — why you must focus on creating an outstanding feeling experience for a woman, not your own immediate gratification. ▪ The role of time in seduction. Seduction as a process which cannot be rushed. ▪ A quotation from a famous female author which reveals a profound longing shared by many women. ▪ The "abundance mindset" — and how to handle rejection with aplomb! This program is free to attend, however you must RSVP. As soon as you do, you'll be able to download the PDF. Go here to RSVP: http://www.LeadingManBlog.com/Webinar I look forward to talking with you on Sunday! Please note: Although this program is directed primarily toward men, women are highly encouraged to attend & participate.
I've been catfished
Severinian posted a topic in EthicsI'm in a sort of moral dilemma now. Let me explain the situation first. I started talking to a woman on facebook, we have quite a lot in common and we've had many great conversations, I really like her as a person. After a while, she said she's gotten feelings for me, and she wants to visit me and possibly get into a really serious relationship if I also like her. (She lives in another country) I've seen photos of her, and also an old video, and she was really good looking in those, and with a great gravitas and charm in her eye. But lately, I've come to realize that all these photos she showed me of her were very old, which she never told me. I got that confirmed when she sent me a video message. She looks different now, much older, and more tired (she uses lots of drugs (legal) too), not nearly as beautiful and charming as in those old pictures and videos. Now I feel really awful. I've already promised her that she can stay with me, she's ordered her plane ticket and she's been talking about having sex and everything. Also how a future could look like if we got together. I still like her quite a lot as a person, but not so much physically, even though she's not directly ugly or anything. To be honest, I wish that she wouldn't visit me now, not only because of her appearance but also since I feel a bit fooled, after all, she never told me all these pictures were at least 8 years old, or more, which they most likely are (when comparing some pictures, she almost looks like a different person), and she didn't send me video messages until after I told her she could order the tickets. Still, telling her that she can't visit me after all would break my heart, she's very emotionally invested in me now and want to talk to me all the time, and maybe she's even paid for the plane ticket even though the trip isn't until November. (Is that common to do?) I'm very afraid of hurting girls, because it tears a lot on my conscience. What do you think I should do? I guess most people would condescend and shame me for even asking this, as we're not supposed to care too much about looks and so on. (Although I suspect everyone does, and people who try to be moral in this way are just self-delusional hypocrites) But I'd imagine Objectivists might have a different viewpoint, maybe.. What do you think I should do, and why?
The Art of Erotic Talk — Free Webinar Sunday 9/22
KevinD posted a topic in Events & AnnouncementsJoin me for a free Webinar in conjunction with my Leading Man romance blog on Sunday, September 22, 2013 at 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 8 p.m. Central / 9 p.m. Eastern — all about the art of erotic talk! Click here to RSVP for this FREE online event What sexy visuals are to a man, the right words can be to a woman. In this live & interactive program, I'll talk about how a man can most effectively use language to activate a woman's imagination, access her fantasy life, and turn her on from the inside out. Some of what we'll cover: * The sacred relationship women have with words; why certain statements expressed at key moments can have an explosive effect. * Why it's not so much what you say, it's what you IMPLY that matters most. * How to raise the impact of your erotic talk by mastering poetry and metaphor. * Specific words, sentences and phrases I've collected over the years — my own personal "swipe file" of sexy statements which you can start putting to use immediately. When you understand the power of erotic talk, you have a potent tool for stimulating a woman’s mind and senses. Sign up, tune in, and take notes! RSVP here: http://www.LeadingManBlog.com/Webinar Please note: Due to the mature nature of this program, you must be 18 years of age or older to attend.
Free Webinar 9/1: A Few of My Favorite Tweets
KevinD posted a topic in Events & AnnouncementsJoin me on Sunday, September 1, 2013 for a live & interactive Webinar in conjunction with my Leading Man romance blog, in which I'll talk about some of my favorite tweets I’ve written for the Leading Man Twitter feed. Go here to RSVP: http://LeadingManBlog.com/FreeWebinar The Webinar will start at 6 p.m. Pacific / 8 p.m. Central / 9 p.m. Eastern. Every day, I send a message via Twitter pertaining to love, sex, dating, romance & relationships. Since Twitter limits you to just 140 characters, it’s often a challenge to put across a meaningful idea in so small a space. In this Webinar, I'll read a selection of these Tweets and expand on them. I'll share thoughts which are too difficult to put across in the limited format of Twitter, and answer any questions you have! Here’s a sampling of some of the Tweets I'll be discussing: "What does a woman want?" Impossible to answer in a short tweet, but here's a good start: A woman wants to FEEL. Women are FEELING addicts. Masculinity is not about acting macho, or role-playing the tough guy. It's about bringing genuine EGOISM to your sexual/romantic life. Inside a woman's mind is a romantic novel. Your mission is to infiltrate her fantasies & become the leading man in the story of her life! Beautiful women get grabbed & groped all the time. Be the opposite of these creeps — DO NOT TOUCH a woman you're not in a relationship with. Emotionally supporting a woman is not placing her on a pedestal; it's casting her in the spotlight & giving her the gift of your awareness. Genuine masculinity represents a challenge to a man: to do and be his BEST at all times in romance & sex. (Hence its extreme unpopularity!) The fact that you have feelings doesn't make you weak. However at times your emotions can make you a little bit stupid. Women admire a man who is busy, professional & has goals. Your CAREER must be your central value & main course in life — romance is dessert! Forget what you've heard in a million love songs: a high-caliber woman urgently wants to meet the man who can — and does — live without her. A man who hasn't taken the time to learn about romance is like a CEO who doesn't understand business trying to run a company. A Leading Man brings a lot of imagination to romance, to dating, to sex. He's like an artist — always looking to create something exciting! The Webinar is free to attend, however you must RSVP: http://LeadingManBlog.com/FreeWebinar
To give the question context I will say that as a 21 year old I am lucky enough to not yet have any children of my own. How does rational egoism view parental love? For example if your child represented everything you held to be immoral (lazy, entitled, etc,) then surely if follows that such a relationship would be unhealthy and should be ended but what if the pull of parental love and the feeling of guilt was too much to end the relationship. The relationship itself makes you unhappy but the idea of ending it makes you even less happy. What do you do? On a side to this question I wonder if the love I have with my younger brother is healthy according to Rand. As he is too young (11) to have a full set of morals and virtues that make the men and women in my life that I do love on what basis can I say my love for him is true spiritual love? I would go as far as to say that I would even defend his life at the expense of, say, my best friend who I love and admire for his strengths and virtues as in individual man.
How does one fall in love?
Guest posted a topic in LiteratureI have been thinking about the concept of "love" for some time, and I would like to ask for your ideas on it. I love beauty, and I can fall in love with pretty much anything that reflects it, I think. Beauty attracts me. My question is: How does one fall in love? What is the experience really like? I guess I would like to know what your understanding of what love is. If you have fallen in love before (I think all of us might have at some point), how do you describe it, how do you put it into words? It is such a powerful emotion, that I think it cannot be expressed. I also have hard time relating the concept of love to what Ayn Rand called "sense of life". I have read her books with great enjoyment, but I guess I do not know what the real life application of that would be like. If you have a relevant knowledge or experience to share, or give me any advice, or point me towards a direction so I can better understand "love", I would greatly appreciate it.
What is love?
Guest posted a topic in EthicsI posted this question in Aesthetics also, but I guess this is related to ethics as well. I am just trying to get a clear picture of how ethics affects one's love. I still cannot answer the question of what love is, and I can't really understand Ayn Rand's explanation. Is love rational? If so, what the heck does that mean? I have been thinking about the concept of "love" for some time, and I would like to ask for your ideas on it. I love beauty, and I can fall in love with pretty much anything that reflects it, I think. Beauty attracts me. My question is: How does one fall in love? What is the experience really like? I guess I would like to know what your understanding of what love is. If you have fallen in love before (I think all of us might have at some point), how do you describe it, how do you put it into words? It is such a powerful emotion, that I think it cannot be expressed. I also have hard time relating the concept of love to what Ayn Rand called "sense of life". I have read her books with great enjoyment, but I guess I do not know what the real life application of that would be like. If you have a relevant knowledge or experience to share, or give me any advice, or point me towards a direction so I can better understand "love", I would greatly appreciate it.