I don't get respect

[Quin]

My real name is Pete and I am seventeen years old. I live in rural New York near the Pennsylvania border, a place that can only be described as blue collar. When my family first moved here I was nine years old and I quickly gained weight and acquired bad social habits. Up until my freshman year of high school I was like this. Today I feel as if I am treated exactly the same. Girls don't show interest in me, guys don't like me and I am often mocked behind my back. The difference is that I am better than them in almost every way. Keep in mind that I don't use better as a term of contempt but a statement of fact, I have worked hard to come to where I am and this of all places is where I think I should be straight forward about it.

I don't know why exactly things are still like this. It seems from the onset of me meeting people, especially girls, they don't like me. I am not sure if it has to do with body language of some sort or if there is some reason that I don't know of. I need advice on this because I want to fix just as I have fixed many other flaws with in myself. I may not be as thoroughly read in objectivism as many of you, but it seems to be more than a philosophic issue if there is dislike at first sight.

[JMeganSnow]

What venues are you using to meet people? Are you still in high school?

When I was in high school I don't recall being friendly towards *anyone* the first time I met them, and HS is a smaller pond than you think, so even when *you* are meeting someone for the first time, that doesn't necessarily mean that they don't know anything about you. That being said, I found it to be a very hostile environment in some ways, so I don't recommend worrying about it if you don't have high school friends.

It is challenging to make the transition from childhood friendships, which are usually based around factors like: "you live next door", or "you have a toy", to adult relationships that are a great deal more demanding and complex. People that are also going through this process don't necessarily make the best of friends. You may want to find some actual adults to be friends with instead of focusing on people your own age. If you really are lacking some essential social skill adults will be able to point it out to you and help you change, plus they're likely to be a lot more forgiving of your inexperience.

Now, where can you meet adults? All kinds of places. Have any hobbies? Join a club. Don't just stick yourself with whatever "club" there is at your local high school: go out and find an adult organization. Or, get some kind of job or hit forum boards online, etc. You've only posted 10 times here, but you've been here for nearly two years! Do some talking and you'll get some responses.

Lastly, why are you even worrying about meeting girls at your age?! (Do I even want to know the answer to that question? ) I'm ten years older than you are and I still think of meeting guys as something fun to do . . . later. I'm not saying you should pattern yourself after me, but for crying out loud you've got better things to do with your time now than "hang out" with loserpeople. What do you do for fun, anyway?

[Mimpy]

I just graduated high school. Most people in my school held arbitrary prejudices. If people have known you for a long time, like since elementary/middle school, you tend to be labeled. And that label is hard to scratch off unless you drastically change. And even then, it's others who label you, not yourself. So if they don't want to notice the change, then it's their loss. Plus, there just aren't that many people in one high school.

[K-Mac]

High school sucks, or it did for me anyway. Just hang in there, it will be over before you know it and you will move on to much better things.

[TheEgoist]

Where exactly are you from? I'm about an hour and a half from PA given different routes. From the Rochester/Buffalo Area.

As for your situation, well, I'm overweight, have never been good with girls and my social is that of a hermit. I don't really think of myself in terms of others though. Being " better than them " is not how I place myself.

[Quin]

I'm terribly sorry about posting this thread, it was a result of a long day and a few things that have had me stretched to the limit emotionally. I am quite stoic in real life and if get upset it tends to be on a forum rather than where people can see me.

Yes Jennifer, I am still in high school. I go to a school that is roughly three or four hundred people. My class this year is about thirty-seven people. It is not large enough for cliques to exist in the classical sense of the word. If you aren't an outcast you generally interact with everyone. I do have friends I think however, that a more eloquent way to phrase things is I polarize people.

I do adult activities, though there aren't many in the rural locale of Wellsville. I have been going to the local gym for the last two years have a good amount of people that I interact with there. I also play bass and am friends with the people at the local music store who are showing me how things work more in-depth. There isn't much to do locally.

Lastly, why are you even worrying about meeting girls at your age?

It isn't that I'm worried about meeting girls. This stems from a different problem. When I first understood what love and attraction was, I realized the mistake I had made. There were two girls in the past two years who I know now I should have asked out, but my timidity stopped me.

Where exactly are you from? I'm about an hour and a half from PA given different routes. From the Rochester/Buffalo Area.

Wellsville, about thirty-five miles from Olean if you've heard of it.

Being " better than them " is not how I place myself.

I don't either, but I know who I am more productive than and why.

Edited August 20, 2007 by Quin

[TheEgoist]

I'm terribly sorry about posting this thread, it was a result of a long day and a few things that have had me stretched to the limit emotionally. I am quite stoic in real life and if get upset it tends to be on a forum rather than where people can see me.

Yes Jennifer, I am still in high school. I go to a school that is roughly three or four hundred people. My class this year is about thirty-seven people. It is not large enough for cliques to exist in the classical sense of the word. If you aren't an outcast you generally interact with everyone. I do have friends I think however, that a more eloquent way to phrase things is I polarize people.

I do adult activities, though there aren't many in the rural locale of Wellsville. I have been going to the local gym for the last two years have a good amount of people that I interact with there. I also play bass and am friends with the people at the local music store who are showing me how things work more in-depth. There isn't much to do locally.

It isn't that I'm worried about meeting girls. This stems from a different problem. When I first understood what love and attraction was, I realized the mistake I had made. There were two girls in the past two years who I know now I should have asked out, but my timidity stopped me.

Wellsville, about thirty-five miles from Olean if you've heard of it.

I don't either, but I know who I am more productive than and why.

Ah, I assume you live further downstate then?

[JMeganSnow]

I'm terribly sorry about posting this thread, it was a result of a long day and a few things that have had me stretched to the limit emotionally. I am quite stoic in real life and if get upset it tends to be on a forum rather than where people can see me.

Hey, don't worry about it, everyone has days like that. Being stoic doesn't really earn you any points, although supposedly venting a lot actually tends to make you worse. Kills my favorite pasttime (complaining)

We're happy enough to be supportive if that's all you need, there are plenty of threads like that around here, and it's plenty easy to feel isolated.

[Moebius]

I don't know if this works for everybody, but when I was in middle school I had a hard time with other kids (girls in particular) mainly because I was chubby and spent all my time either reading or drawing. But upon entering high school I promptly grew about six inches (I'm 6' 2" now), began methodically working out and improving my physique, played a lot of sports, and got a new wardrobe. I had always been confident about myself mentally. By working on my body and by working hard at sports, it gave me a physical confidence as well (and peer respect to boot). Frankly that pretty much solved all my social issues, particularly in regards to girls.

[Quin]

That isn't the problem though. I work out and run a few miles every day and adhere to a strict diet. As of now I weight two-hundred and eight pounds with about twelve or thirteen percent body fat. My wardrobe isn't bad either (for where I live) so I am left to the premise that there must be something radically wrong with my body language.

[Mammon]

I don't know if this works for everybody, but when I was in middle school I had a hard time with other kids (girls in particular) mainly because I was chubby and spent all my time either reading or drawing. But upon entering high school I promptly grew about six inches (I'm 6' 2" now), began methodically working out and improving my physique, played a lot of sports, and got a new wardrobe. I had always been confident about myself mentally. By working on my body and by working hard at sports, it gave me a physical confidence as well (and peer respect to boot). Frankly that pretty much solved all my social issues, particularly in regards to girls.

Cant say I played sports. But I did start working out a lot in highschool, I was really skinny too. But yeah, I can attest to the whole "work out; girls notice you more" theory.

That isn't the problem though. I work out and run a few miles every day and adhere to a strict diet. As of now I weight two-hundred and eight pounds with about twelve or thirteen percent body fat. My wardrobe isn't bad either (for where I live) so I am left to the premise that there must be something radically wrong with my body language.

What can be so wrong about your body language? Honestly I don't think that even matters so much as your real language (unless your O'Reilly of course) and the things you say to girls. I can talk to girls, no problem, they just aren't interested in what I have to say. Do you have a situation like that? What do you talk about with girls?

[Tenure]

Personally, when I talk to girls, I inform them of my undergarments, or lack thereof. I go on to explain that the reason for my dismissal of said garmets which lie under, is in accordance with mechanical laws of engineering - you see, a pair of undergarments had not yet been fitted which can provide the need and support for the job.

That goes over like a house on fire.

Edited August 21, 2007 by Tenure

[Jingles]

Personally, when I talk to girls, I inform them of my undergarments, or lack thereof. I go on to explain that the reason for my dismissal of said garmets which lie under, is in accordance with mechanical laws of engineering - you see, a pair of undergarments had not yet been fitted which can provide the need and support for the job.

That goes over like a house on fire.

And yet this man somehow manages to maintain a romantic relationship with a girl...

Of course, I've yet to see any hard evidence of this girl who evidently loves verbose innuendos.

[Jingles]

I do adult activities, though there aren't many in the rural locale of Wellsville. I have been going to the local gym for the last two years have a good amount of people that I interact with there. I also play bass and am friends with the people at the local music store who are showing me how things work more in-depth. There isn't much to do locally.

You are obviously able to interact well with these people so perhaps you only need to find a girl who shares your interests? I think you should do as Jennifer suggests and find an objective opinion from a mature person you trust. Also, if you do have bad social habits it's probably only because you are over-analyzing and worrying about it too much.

[Quin]

What do you talk about with girls? huh.gif

Depends what's going on around us and whether I know them. I'll normally strike up a conversation with them and ask them about themselves and usually tease them in some form or another.

Of course, I've yet to see any hard evidence of this girl who evidently loves verbose innuendos. tongue.gif

Most do. Another good one is

"I'm starting to thing that God really screwed up when he created man."

"Hmm? Why?"

"Two heads, unfortunately there isn't enough blood to power both."

That one kinda depends on the girl though.

[Mammon]

Personally, when I talk to girls, I inform them of my undergarments, or lack thereof. I go on to explain that the reason for my dismissal of said garmets which lie under, is in accordance with mechanical laws of engineering - you see, a pair of undergarments had not yet been fitted which can provide the need and support for the job.

That goes over like a house on fire.

Do you wear a polo shirt and a hat when you do it? Girls have to sleep with guys who wear polo shirts and hats.

[Quin]

It is a proven scientific fact, I read it in the Bible, and who are WE to question something that's been around for some three millenia, hmm?

I'll try to get a picture up in my avatar some time.