Managing your Emotions during a Verbal Debate

[Benpercent]

I noticed today during a short conversation about the profits of Big Oil with a family friend that I can get quite embarrassed and shy when I am discussing intellectual matters with people I am unfamiliar with, or when discussing philosophy in general (particularly religion and morality). At other times I noticed I can get a small bit angry when my deepest values are undermined, such as when a relative of mine called me an "unselfish" person.

What I am trying to get at is that I noticed that my emotions can affect far too much how I think (being shy can lead me to only remember the conclusions, not the antecedents to them) and speak (being charged with anger can lead to a provocative tone) when I am trying to calmly reason with someone who has made a comment I thought worthwhile to acknowledge, such as what was discussed in the chapter "What Can One Do?" in PWNI.

So I ask you: Could anyone give some advice as to how to manage your emotions in a debate where your values feel threatened or when your opponent's ignorance seems destructive? Is this a desensitization issue where one has to engage in more arguments in order to be more comfortable with one's thoughts and values being opposed?

This is merely a matter of how one appears and emotionally feels these types of conversations.

[RationalBiker]

What I would suggest is that when you notice these emotions kicking in, mentally take a "step back", breathe for a second or two, and then continue. It sounds simple but it can be helpful in such cases. You may throw in a quick thought about why you are reacting the way you are and consider what usefulness it is adding to accomplishing your current goal; meaningful conversation.

[flyer79]

I second RationalBiker, as well keep in mind that intellectual conversation is a skill and takes practice.

Do you have access to a debating team or other kind of public speaking group locally?

[softwareNerd]

Each little situation calls for something slightly different. So, caveat emptor about this...

If you find yourself wanting to respond angrily, but do not want to, take a micro-break as suggested above. However, don't always assume you have to then continue with a calmer response. Now and then, do something different. Make the decision during your micro-break: instead of a response, you might try exploring why the other person would say what they're saying by asking for more; or , sometimes, you might even say "I'll need to think about that", if that's what you want to do.