pam Posted July 25, 2008 Report Share Posted July 25, 2008 (edited) A "friend" of mine asked me to come over to look at her computer last week it wasnt working at all - she inferred she just wanted me to take a quick look and if I could do nothing, disconnect it (she didnt know how to do this she claims) so she could take it to some pt pc tech and pay that person $100. This annoyed the heck out of me. I have alot of experience in hardware, networking and I have MS certifications-I did this work for a living for almost 10 years yet she wouldnt even offer to pay my gas to get to her house (I asked) and she wasnt willing to give me the $100, I could tell she wanted a quick fix to save $. I agreed to go out of "friendship"- I get there and began to run a bunch of diagnostics (which took an hour and 20 min) She ended up getting very impatient and said just disconnect it so I can take it to this friend of a friend-she knew she was pushing it I could tell but DUH i did it and left. now I am just feeling stupid and VERY ANGRY Should I even bother talking to her about it? We have been friends forever and I am still not sure why I bother. PAM Edited July 25, 2008 by pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gags Posted July 25, 2008 Report Share Posted July 25, 2008 Do you value her friendship? If so, for what reasons? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted July 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2008 Do you value her friendship? If so, for what reasons? She is very funny, and I do think she cares about me in her own way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
01503 Posted July 25, 2008 Report Share Posted July 25, 2008 People have bad days. If this is inconsistent to her regular behavior, than just try to brush it aside. If this is the way she acts, then it is unhealthy for you to keep it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted July 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2008 People have bad days. If this is inconsistent to her regular behavior, than just try to brush it aside. If this is the way she acts, then it is unhealthy for you to keep it up. no it is consistent She asked for my help another time re: her computer and she hovered over me just like this time, and was surprised when I knew to do something she did not think of. (ugh) I could trash her further but I will not, she may be just someone I got used to and these things remind me that ultimately she wastes my time. Thanks Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
themadkat Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 no it is consistent She asked for my help another time re: her computer and she hovered over me just like this time, and was surprised when I knew to do something she did not think of. (ugh) I could trash her further but I will not, she may be just someone I got used to and these things remind me that ultimately she wastes my time. Thanks Pam I will say this. You need to take a serious look at what YOU get out of this friendship, and whether it is anything like what you give. Does this friendship serve you? You say she cares about you "in her own way." Is this a way that actually benefits you/comforts you significantly? I'm not going to offer any answers. You need to come up with them yourself by taking a good hard look on your own. Trust me, this is really important. I was in a similar situation recently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juxtys Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 She is very funny, and I do think she cares about me in her own way. If I were you, I would get extremely angry for fooling around with me, it shouldn't matter to you what does she value about you, but what do you think about her, thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D'kian Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 Should I even bother talking to her about it? We have been friends forever and I am still not sure why I bother. I would advise you to tell her, the next time this happens, that you can't help her unless she pays for your time and effort. Either that or tell her you simply won't help her out. If you keep on helping her when it wastes your time, you only have yourself to blame. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K-Mac Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 I certainly don't mind being thrifty and I rarely buy anything unless it's on sale, but being cheap, which is what it sounds like your friend was up to, frequently translates to rude and manipulative. She should have been up front and honest with you from the beginning. I just wouldn't do anymore computer related work for her if I were you. She sounds like a "George Costanza." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMeganSnow Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 I don't get why you're so angry. Friends *regularly* do things for each other to help each other save money. My housemate put my new computer together--and I take him out to movies or dinner. The "good will" part of a friendly relationship means that you don't track every dollar and cent exchanged. It's easy to get self-righteous over one event, but where's the rest of the picture? I would assume that if you actually are friends with this person that she's done nice things for you on occasion without demanding payment for it (like, say, come pick you up when your car died or helped you move). Is it really only a one-sided relationship? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted August 1, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 (edited) I don't get why you're so angry. Friends *regularly* do things for each other to help each other save money To be honest I got a definitely strong feeling she didnt want me touching her machine and that she thought this friend of a friend would do a better job, I am extremely capable and experienced in computers especially in hardware-so her lack of faith in my abilities smarted a bit. Edited August 1, 2008 by pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMeganSnow Posted August 2, 2008 Report Share Posted August 2, 2008 So, let me get this straight . . . you're mad because she "demanded" that you help her for free . . . but you basically forced your services down her throat? What the heck? I don't think your friend is the one evidencing a lack of respect and goodwill, here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brian0918 Posted August 2, 2008 Report Share Posted August 2, 2008 As someone who regularly does things like this for people, I'd probably do it just for the experience Half my knowledge about new malware and obscure parts of Windows comes from fixing other peoples' computers, and that helps me out at work and keeps me up to date. But I can easily see it getting old if it's the same person with the same problems and they get in your way. "Oh and by the way, YOU'RE WELCOME!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted August 2, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 2, 2008 (edited) So, let me get this straight . . . you're mad because she "demanded" that you help her for free . . . but you basically forced your services down her throat? What the heck? I don't think your friend is the one evidencing a lack of respect and goodwill, here. I didnt force anything down her throat at all, can you point to where I said this in my posts? -I just asked for a few $ for gas to get to her house and was told no, I never proposed doing the job for her for money. You do not know the whole situation, I have known this person 20 years, and I object to you casting aspersions on my character without said information. Pam Edited August 2, 2008 by pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
William Scott Scherk Posted August 2, 2008 Report Share Posted August 2, 2008 I am extremely capable and experienced in computers especially in hardware-so her lack of faith in my abilities smarted a bit. This is the kind of thing you can tell her, in those kinds of words. You can let her know that you were hurt. If she is your friend, she can handle that, especially if you two can have a dialogue about it. You might be angry with yourself for not letting her know at the time that you were disappointed and felt diminished. A better friendship can result if you let her know how you feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
themadkat Posted August 2, 2008 Report Share Posted August 2, 2008 I didnt force anything down her throat at all, can you point to where I said this in my posts? -I just asked for a few $ for gas to get to her house and was told no, I never proposed doing the job for her for money. You do not know the whole situation, I have known this person 20 years, and I object to you casting aspersions on my character without said information. Pam I'm going to echo the questions put forth to you previously - is your relationship that one-sided? Granted what your friend did here was inconsiderate, but it sounds as if there has been tension building here for a long time. Do you feel as if she takes advantage of you on a regular basis? What does she contribute to your well-being? Does she express a feeling of valuing your time and energy in general? The more I read the more I feel like it's not about the computer. What's the real issue? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted August 2, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 2, 2008 The more I read the more I feel like it's not about the computer. You have a point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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