Being self-sufficient with a mental illness

[NewbieOist]

I'm a 24-year-old American, and I'm a little frightened about what's been happening to this country, and what's still to come. The impending bank failures are the scariest. I'm worried about how this will affect my own future survival. I have a bachelor's degree in computer science, and am currently pursuing my master's degree, so at least I have a good education. However, I'm still relatively inexperienced professionally. I've never worked as a long-term employee at a medium-to-large-sized business; I've only ever worked as a temporary worker for small businesses.

My worry is that the collapsing economy will mean I'll be shut out of any career advancement. Another of my disadvantages is that I have Asperger's syndrome, and so my understanding of how the real world works is largely "from a distance" (through the Internet, radio, and TV, and not much actual experience). I still live with my mother, who manages most of the household finances (I pay her some rent and I pay some of the bills). I have an OK job (in the 30K-40K range), but it's not permanent, and in the area where I live (southern California) they say that's not enough money to survive (presumably without borrowing through credit cards and such). I feel like I lack the "instincts" (for lack of a better word) necessary to survive on my own, and I worry that the country's growing financial crisis will eventually put me out on the streets.

Now, a normal person's response to this situation, I imagine, would be to sharpen his survival skills before it's too late. (Just to be clear, I use "survival skills" in the context of a modern industrial society, not any post-apocalyptic fantasy. I'm fairly certain modern society, in spite of everything, won't be vanishing any time soon.) The problem is that I wonder if it's even possible for someone with my mental condition to be self-sufficient. I feel so disconnected from the real world that things like opening a checking account, managing credit card debt, buying and selling a car, etc., seem strange and foreign. I feel somehow that I'm not "meant" to be self-sufficient.

So I'm wondering if anyone who's knowledgeable in the field of mental illness, and especially Asperger's, has any advice on what I should do. Should I be striving for independence, or is that too unrealistic and instead I should spend my life relying on the aid of others (through government, family, etc.)? Would the latter choice even be moral according to Objectivism?

[John Link]

The problem is that I wonder if it's even possible for someone with my mental condition to be self-sufficient. I feel so disconnected from the real world that things like opening a checking account, managing credit card debt, buying and selling a car, etc., seem strange and foreign. I feel somehow that I'm not "meant" to be self-sufficient.

So I'm wondering if anyone who's knowledgeable in the field of mental illness, and especially Asperger's, has any advice on what I should do. Should I be striving for independence, or is that too unrealistic and instead I should spend my life relying on the aid of others (through government, family, etc.)? Would the latter choice even be moral according to Objectivism?

The salary you are earning and the clarity and expressiveness of your writing suggests strongly to me that you are fully able to learn to be self-sufficient. I suggest you find someone (maybe several people, including your mother) to help you learn to do all the things you need to do. Everybody has to learn how to deal with each of the reponsibilities you listed, and they can be learned, one at a time. I think the concerns you express seem completely normal for someone in his mid 20s.

Good luck!

John Link

Edited August 19, 2008 by John Link

[Laure]

I feel so disconnected from the real world that things like opening a checking account, managing credit card debt, buying and selling a car, etc., seem strange and foreign.

I don't think I'm an Aspie, but I can certainly relate to that statement! When I was just out of college, I had no idea how to do those sorts of things. I think the best approach is to just not worry about what people will think of you, and go ahead and ask, "What's the procedure here?" whenever you need to. Heck, I still have trouble, for instance, at restaurants that have some strange process for ordering the food which is neither "fast-food" nor "sit-down" but some hybrid approach! I just have to ask, "What do I do?"

Try not to worry too much about the overall economy. If you are making 30-40K already, you'll likely be just fine.

Some specific advice: "opening a checking account": Bring paycheck and identification to bank, go to teller, say "I'd like to open a checking account" and they will tell you what to do. "Managing credit card debt": Credit card debt is a bad idea; try to pay off your card every month if at all possible. "Buying and selling a car": Ooh, that's harder, it's been 20 years since I bought a car - I love mine and don't need a new one. But here again, the dealer will know what you need to do. Bring someone older and experienced along so that you don't get taken advantage of!

[Moebius]

The problem is that I wonder if it's even possible for someone with my mental condition to be self-sufficient. I feel so disconnected from the real world that things like opening a checking account, managing credit card debt, buying and selling a car, etc., seem strange and foreign. I feel somehow that I'm not "meant" to be self-sufficient.

Well I guess the question is: what other options do you have? Live off your mom for the next decade until the economy turns better? If that is not an option, then I guess you'll have to become independent one way or another. If it is an option, I suppose then you have to ask yourself if that is a lifestyle that corresponds with your values.

We all have obstacles in life. Asperger's, sure. So is having ADHD, having a low IQ, having a low EQ, being ugly, being obese, being black, being gay, so on and so forth. All of those things might work against you as far as career advancement goes. What can you do but to try and get over it? Obviously you were capable enough to get a computer science degree. That already puts you ahead of 70% or so other Americans. Don't worry about the things that you can't control. Just do what you can.

[athena glaukopis]

I think the concerns you express seem completely normal for someone in his mid 20s.

Agreed, as a twenty-something with no mental illness, I have many of the same trepidations you are mentioning about issues in the 'real world,' most importantly, financial issues/planning. Having your mother help introduce you to and teach you about the processes of financial independence (how to balance a checkbook, etc) will help give you a good base of reference and ease you into a more comfortable zone with these issues.

[Mimpy]

Do the best you can. Don't slack off with the excuse that you have a disability (you don't appear to be slacking off at all right now). But also don't expect the impossible. Recognize your weaknesses and accept that you are at a disadvantage in some aspects of life. There is nothing wrong with living with your mother if she is willing to support you when you need it.