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I Fantasize About Other Women

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I'm sorry to hear it - but you too can only commit to be better in the future. The only other thing I know of that you can do is try to make amends.

Well said.

I'll tell you - in my college years, several decades ago, I had a girlfriend I cared for very very much, and then, while I was going through boot camp, betrayed. The subsequent breakdown of that relationship was unpleasant, to say the least, and I bore the burden of guilt in causing it, both in my betrayal of her and my treatment of her afterwords.

Over a decade ago, in my college year, before and after it too, I betrayed my very first love, several times. She found out about one, and it devastated her some. I remember something I told her on the phone that might have happened between me and the other girl I was seeing, and she cried on the phone so loudly, she immediately threw up, she was so sickened by me. I never betrayed another woman again. She taught me empathy. Well, at least some lessons, that I still haven't had to relearn, for I learned them the first time.

But as far as the topic goes, currently I don't fantasize about being with another woman, or fantisize about being with any woman in fact, unless they are artificial ones, I have no attraction no desire to be with real women at all anymore. My story is so interesting in fact, I have a guy flying to my place in June to do a photo story on me, for his upcoming book, hopefully capturing properly how my writing led to the lifestyle that I live now, with artificial human companions. But anyways that's an entirely different topic...

Edited by intellectualammo
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  • 2 years later...

Flankert, I realize my answer comes in waaay too late. But since you basically described my life situation in your post, I thought I'd comment. Don't feel guilty about anything. It's not that you don't love her enough, it's not that there is someone better out there for you. None of this crap. The truth is we are cursed! We are doomed to always be sexually unsatisfied. That's how nature gets us reproducing.

You've got a couple of options: either you become single and try to sleep with as many women as possible, perhaps become an asshole, cheater, etc. You may have a fun life for a while, especially if you've got no moral values and no guilt. (You may get a bunch of sexually transmitted diseases on the way, and keep transmitting the beasts.)

Or, you've got to learn to live with this painful situation with no hope to ever be satisfied.

I've been struggling with this situation for years. There is no fix for this. All solutions are short term only. We are cursed. Sorry to break it to you buddy. It' just something you gotta learn to live with, accept, and then perhaps when you are resigned to it, you may have an ok relationship. Perhaps.

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Most direct! And a clear argument for staying monogamous, except you missed

out the part that screwing around gets so - boring. Seriously, you paint a bleak

and fatalistic picture, that isn't true. It mostly depends on you.

To fantasize is human, and shouldn't be guilt-inducing, but I advise controlling

it, or turning it toward your wife(/whoever). Fantasizing does indicate laziness and

complacency, in my experience. Pay close attention, and be quietly more conscious of her - like she's the last woman on Earth - and it's amazing how increasingly lovable and sexy she starts becoming in your eyes.

Really.

Edited by whYNOT
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Flankert, I realize my answer comes in waaay too late. But since you basically described my life situation in your post, I thought I'd comment. Don't feel guilty about anything. It's not that you don't love her enough, it's not that there is someone better out there for you. None of this crap. The truth is we are cursed! We are doomed to always be sexually unsatisfied. That's how nature gets us reproducing.

You've got a couple of options: either you become single and try to sleep with as many women as possible, perhaps become an asshole, cheater, etc. You may have a fun life for a while, especially if you've got no moral values and no guilt. (You may get a bunch of sexually transmitted diseases on the way, and keep transmitting the beasts.)

Or, you've got to learn to live with this painful situation with no hope to ever be satisfied.

I've been struggling with this situation for years. There is no fix for this. All solutions are short term only. We are cursed. Sorry to break it to you buddy. It' just something you gotta learn to live with, accept, and then perhaps when you are resigned to it, you may have an ok relationship. Perhaps.

The attitude exhibited in this post is just crazy. Paraphrased, it sounds like "we are all sinners", or "we each must bear this cross". Poster probably is channeling his religious background. At any rate it is nowhere close to a proper response.

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  • 2 years later...

I came across a letter of Leibniz in which he mentions polygamy, and though it is only an historical sidebar to the substance that was thought on in this thread, I’ll add here this window into the morality of the issue among Christians of the 17th century. The translation is by Lloyd Strickland*

 4 Oct. 1675

This morning I received a letter from Mr Gallois. I saw Mr Tschirnhaus, who told me that he saw in Holland a book published from a few pages in Latin by a German author who was the protégé of Mr Konigsmarck. In this book he claims to prove that polygamy is necessary and in accordance with the law of God and of nature; and that monogamy is an invention of the devil opposed to humankind and its growth. He puts forward a number of passages from Holy Scripture which are very far fetched. Yet he does not permit women to have many husbands. As one might expect. He says that he spoke to many clever men who were in agreement with him, but who replied that they would not dare to say it. On this he accuses them of being cowards who do not dare to admit the recognized divine truth, and says that they commit a sin in spiritum sanctum, ut resistentes agnitae veritati [against the Holy Spirit, in that they resist a recognized truth]. At the end he puts forward this passage from Holy Scripture: cursed is he who does the work of God deceitfully; and in the margin: NB, this is the work of the Lord, he understands the act of procreation.

 

The book at issue was Johann Leyser’s Discursus de Polygamia (1673).

 

Mogens Laerke has written in a paper on Leibniz included in The Use of Censorship in the Enlightenment.*

Leibniz was very little concerned with deviant sexual behavior often associated with practical atheism and indifferentismus, such as homosexuality or adultery. He did however, take some interest in the question of polygamy. This is not surprising. Polygamy was a current practice among Anabaptists, and it had been commented upon by many theologians that Leibniz was well acquainted with, such as Bullinger, Calvin and Zwingli. It was generally denounced as a “libertine” practice. In his Examen Religionis Christianae, Leibniz condemned polygamy while still arguing that the practice of polygamy among certain pagan people, such as the Chinese, should not be an obstacle to their admission to the Church of Christ. There should be room for some tolerance on this point.

 

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