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Could you date a stripper?

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Ben Archer
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Thing is my girlfriend will be giving guys lap dances...in addition to the stage stuff

Yeah, it's a function of how comfortable you would be with it when it comes to the context of a relationship. I fully understand your point. I don't think there is a hard and fast moral boundary here.

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Yeah, it's a function of how comfortable you would be with it when it comes to the context of a relationship. I fully understand your point. I don't think there is a hard and fast moral boundary here.

That's about it; I agree that's the bottom line.

Ben, imo, the critical aspect will bare itself ...I mean, will be revealed, ... I mean... (sorry about that - Freudian slip).

Seriously now, when, and if you find that you or she are beginning to 'rationalize' this to each other and to yourself, there could be a problem.

If you don't feel the need to find justification for what you're doing, then go for it, full tilt.

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That's about it; I agree that's the bottom line.

Ben, imo, the critical aspect will bare itself ...I mean, will be revealed, ... I mean... (sorry about that - Freudian slip).

Seriously now, when, and if you find that you or she are beginning to 'rationalize' this to each other and to yourself, there could be a problem.

If you don't feel the need to find justification for what you're doing, then go for it, full tilt.

Yeah I guess I'll see what happens. Thank you both. This is going to be one helluva long weekend. :dough:

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Yeah I guess I'll see what happens. Thank you both. This is going to be one helluva long weekend. :dough:

So have you discussed your visitation rights to the club, yet, if any? I know if I was dating a stripper I'd want to be there all the time. Plus, you can say if you're giving lap dances to other guys, then I can get them from other women :pimp:

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Yeah I guess I'll see what happens. Thank you both. This is going to be one helluva long weekend. :dough:

This sort of problem depends a lot on the person, but your comments keep making me think that you are not the sort of guy who is likely to deal with this well. I don't mean that to be an insult by any means, since I would not stay in a relationship like this either. Sex in relationships matters a great deal to me, so sharing even a little bit of my sex life with hundreds of other men is anathema to me. I suppose it is related to the fact that I don't believe that compartmentalization of ones sexuality is, very often, even possible in the long term, and when it is, I see it as having unhealthy consequences and/or being the result of unhealthy views. I suppose some outlying situations might exist where someone could or had to pull it off, but generally I would be surprised to learn that there were no costs involved-at least for one party.

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This sort of problem depends a lot on the person, but your comments keep making me think that you are not the sort of guy who is likely to deal with this well. I don't mean that to be an insult by any means, since I would not stay in a relationship like this either. Sex in relationships matters a great deal to me, so sharing even a little bit of my sex life with hundreds of other men is anathema to me. I suppose it is related to the fact that I don't believe that compartmentalization of ones sexuality is, very often, even possible in the long term, and when it is, I see it as having unhealthy consequences and/or being the result of unhealthy views. I suppose some outlying situations might exist where someone could or had to pull it off, but generally I would be surprised to learn that there were no costs involved-at least for one party.

It might be worth stating that Rand's actual views on sex were that it is only moral within a romantic relationship. The above post is one of the few in this thread that actually follows Objectivism in this regard. Rand was very much against casual sex.

In regards to the OP, I suppose it is up to you to define what constitutes sexual encounters. A lap dance in a public room is one thing, but a "lap dance" where you pay a little extra in the champagne room is another thing entirely. How far the girls go is usually entirely up to them. It is not uncommon to get oral sex at a strip club, and I take it you would have a big problem with that.

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So have you discussed your visitation rights to the club, yet, if any? I know if I was dating a stripper I'd want to be there all the time. Plus, you can say if you're giving lap dances to other guys, then I can get them from other women ;)

She gives me amazing lap dances, and says that she loves it how it's "completely different from work" because she likes doing it for me, whereas at work it's non–sexual for her. So I've no real interest in getting lap dances from anyone else, or seeing her giving anyone else a lap dance.

*edit*

but no, visitation rights haven't been discussed. She's never been in a relationship while she danced...so it's a unique situation to her as well. Monday will be 9 months for us...not very long, but long enough.

I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want me to come to her work, simply because she knows I'd probably be stressed. But I also know she'd have no problem with me getting lap dances from the other girls (it'd be pretty hypocritical of her if she did).

Thing is, I've other things to worry about in my life than how to get even with my stripper girlfriend. I just want to get past this phase where she has to work this job.

Edited by Ben Archer
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A lot of context seems to be missing. Are we speaking of the exotic dancer type of stripper, or the kind who works at a trashy strip club? Stripping could be treated as performance art, which may or may not be trashy.

That's certainly an important point.

There's a big difference between a desperate 20-something single mom who pole-dances to Motley Crue in some dive bar, and a woman with a background in theater and costume design who produces her own burlesque shows (i.e. like this gal here in Los Angeles).

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