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Attracted to Obese Women- Is it immoral?

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The Lonely Rationalist
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For my entire life, I've been attracted primarily to overweight and obese girls. I normally prefer women who weight around 230 lbs, though I have been attracted to girls who weigh much more than that.

My problem here is whether my desire is immoral. Since it is unhealthy for a woman to be obese, am I actively encouraging them to have a lower quality of life by having such a desire?

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My problem here is whether my desire is immoral. Since it is unhealthy for a woman to be obese, am I actively encouraging them to have a lower quality of life by having such a desire?
My problem here is the logical connection you make between the two parts of the puzzle. Is their life your standard of morality?
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My problem here is whether my desire is immoral.

Emotional responses per se are neither moral nor immoral. You don't control your feelings (at least not directly); the fact that you experience a given emotion is not necessarily evidence that anything about you is wrong or "bad."

Your desire might indicate certain psychological problems. What specifically those might be, I can't say.

If the desire upsets you, seek a qualified psychotherapist.

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My problem here is the logical connection you make between the two parts of the puzzle. Is their life your standard of morality?

A very good point. My own life is my standard of morality. I admit I didn't fully think that part of the issue out.

If the desire upsets you, seek a qualified psychotherapist.

It doesn't upset me greatly- I've recently fully admitted my desire to myself after denying it for a long period of time. I just had a few residual concerns about it.

I think a relevant part of this discussion is if you are in a weight class not dissimilar from these women you find attractive. I am assuming not? Other than that I agree with the comments made thus far.

I am of average weight.

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I also have this attraction. I don't think there can really be a rational basis for what you are attracted to. There are reasons, of course, but different people are attracted to different things. Personally, I think a larger woman is more feminine. I much prefer big soft curves and large breasts over a skinny, bony model with small breasts. It is also an evolutionary byproduct. Before the advent of modern medicine, when giving birth was a fairly serious risk to the mother's life, large women with wide hips were better able to handle the rigors of childbirth.

In today's society, of course, obese people are seen as being at risk for heart attacks, strokes, diabetes and all other manner of medical problems, so they are deemed less attractive.

If you fall in love with a larger person who does develop health problems, I would encourage them to lose weight. Other than that, I would say to each his own.

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*eyeroll*

Attraction is not an "evolutionary byproduct", nor is what is commonly seen as attractive the result of some tangled rationalization the type of which you've just mentioned. After all, before the "advent of modern medicine" it was considered attractive for a woman to tie herself into a corset so tightly that she had an 18 inch waist.

Ultimately it comes down to your *personal* subconscious associations, which may be complex and you may not have consciously identified them. Perhaps it's been your experience that larger women have better personalities (or are more uninhibited, more easygoing, less neurotic about their bodies, whatever--may not even necessarily be true in the broad sense, just in your personal experience). Perhaps you are a private person and you don't like the stupid competitiveness that surrounds conventionally attractive women. Perhaps you just don't like being conventional and this comes out as a rejection of conventionally pretty women.

The possibilities are endless, but unless this attraction is actually destructive of your life/values in some way I hardly think it could be called immoral.

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*eyeroll*

Attraction is not an "evolutionary byproduct", nor is what is commonly seen as attractive the result of some tangled rationalization the type of which you've just mentioned. After all, before the "advent of modern medicine" it was considered attractive for a woman to tie herself into a corset so tightly that she had an 18 inch waist.

You make my day Megan. Just some kudos.

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*eyeroll*

Attraction is not an "evolutionary byproduct", nor is what is commonly seen as attractive the result of some tangled rationalization the type of which you've just mentioned. After all, before the "advent of modern medicine" it was considered attractive for a woman to tie herself into a corset so tightly that she had an 18 inch waist.

Ultimately it comes down to your *personal* subconscious associations, which may be complex and you may not have consciously identified them. Perhaps it's been your experience that larger women have better personalities (or are more uninhibited, more easygoing, less neurotic about their bodies, whatever--may not even necessarily be true in the broad sense, just in your personal experience). Perhaps you are a private person and you don't like the stupid competitiveness that surrounds conventionally attractive women. Perhaps you just don't like being conventional and this comes out as a rejection of conventionally pretty women.

The possibilities are endless, but unless this attraction is actually destructive of your life/values in some way I hardly think it could be called immoral.

Well said, Jenni.

Lonelyrationalist, does your attraction to larger women make you fear being mocked by friends or thought of as some sort of "freak?" Do you worry that it is not "normal" to be attracted to large women? Your preferences are your preferences. If friends or family members are giving you a hard time about it, then your decision becomes: change your preferences (and thereby adopt their standards of beauty in a second-hand way) or assert yourself and let them know that it's not open for discussion.

Speaking as a man who is also attracted to larger women, I certainly do not think it immoral to have that preference. Everyone has a "type" that they find attractive as a potential romantic partner, and morality does not enter into a strictly subjective consideration of attraction.

I don't know if your situation is at all similar to mine, but perhaps you might relate. Years ago,when I was a first-year university student, I began dating a fairly large woman I had met at a college party. Lana (not her real name) was beautiful, sweet and intelligent. At the time I shared an apartment with my cousin, Ray, who was a close, long-term friend as well. He made highly insulting, rude comments about Lana's weight (fortunately not to her face). I sort of brushed them off, but I found myself inviting Lana to my apartment only when I knew Ray would not be there. After a week of tiptoeing around, I became weary of treating Lana like a dirty secret. When she made the observance that she didn't think Ray liked her very much, I decided to stand up to him. I told him that his behavior was unacceptable, that I would no longer tolerate his calling my girlfriend all sorts of nasty names. I told Ray that Lana was important to me, and that my attraction to Lana was my preference and was not open for negotiation or change. He was taken aback, he thought he was being funny and was surprised that I didn't share his attraction to very thin women. After that, he never ridiculed my choice in dates again.

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