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Prefer to be single?

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Hello everyone,

This is a multi-faceted question.

Does anyone else here prefer to be single? Is it OK (morally) to choose to not be in a relationship?

Short background: I’m a female in my late 20s. I have always found great joy and value in my projects. I love my career, I am involved in clubs and groups that interest me, but most of my productive values are things that I do alone, such as composing music, running an online craft business, and exercising alone at my own pace. Whenever I have taken those “values hierarchy” rating quizzes, relationships and family have scored near the bottom, whereas independence and productivity have scored at the top. Growing up I never envisioned myself getting married or having children, because there are so many other things I value more, and being in a relationship would prevent me from achieving those other goals. I am proud to say I am a professor or a musician or a business owner; I don’t gain any sense of self-respect from labeling myself as a “girlfriend.”

I have been in a committed relationship for over two years. I was not seeking it but discovered that I admired many of the traits my boyfriend possesses, and we started dating. However, my constant struggle has been attempting to balance my interests and goals with relationship stuff, and I’m at the breaking point. I really care about my boyfriend, I would hate to hurt his feelings, and I know I would miss him. But I recognize that being with him— or anyone else— prevents me from achieving what I want to do. (I discuss this with him in-depth on a regular basis, and he seems to understand, but I’m not convinced he understands how much anguish this problem causes me.) I suppose a quick way of stating the problem is that I “like” being with him, but I do not “value” it as much as I value my personal and career goals. So I’m constantly upset with myself for putting temporary enjoyment (making out, watching a movie with him) above things I truly do value (composing, working on my home business, etc.)

My reasons for not ending the relationship are:

- I do “like” and care about him.

- Societal influences are starting to sway me into thinking I “should” be in a relationship, even though growing up I was more confident about resisting that pressure. Relatives you see once a year never ask what great things you've achieved that year; they ask whether you have a boyfriend. Classmates at a high school reunion don’t ask whether you’re a millionaire; they ask whether you’re married with kids. I used to dismiss these pressures but once I started dating I started falling into the mentality that I "should" desire a relationship.

- I have issues with anxiety and OCD, for which I have talked to multiple therapists— mainstream as well as a prominent and well-respected Objectivist. They all suggest that it’s impossible to truly prefer being alone, and that by staying alone in my rigid routine in my neat and orderly house, I’m preventing myself from personal growth and “blocking” something in my psyche so that I don’t have to form close bonds with anyone. I want the freedom to be able to hike in a secluded forest for a week without anyone knowing where I am; they say this is childish and I need to learn to be accountable to others. Growing up I would have said this was nonsense, because I truly do enjoy AND VALUE doing all of the things I do when I am alone. Unfortunately, after seeing therapists for anxiety is when I began to have self-doubt about other aspects of my life, and now they've got me questioning whether my order of values is valid, and thinking that I "should" value relationships more than I do!

So, is it morally OK to not really value relationships, as long as I dedicate myself to pursuits that I truly enjoy and value? Am I missing something by not forcing myself to “grow” by being in relationships that prevent me from reaching my potentials in other areas of life?

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thinking that I "should" value relationships more than I do!

I see that as the critical question that you need to discover for yourself. For myself, and, I gather, most other people, romantic relationships are an immense joy and a huge source of personal growth. I agree with Rand's view, that they are a secondary values, and must be based on the primary values which you prefer, but as secondary values go, a good relationship can be pretty top notch. So I would think it important to discover very precisely why it is that you do not enjoy relationships. Especially if the unenjoyable aspects are related at all to the unpredictability and lack of control that another volitional entity brings into your life.

Something else to consider is whether it is the relationship that you are currently in(And/or have been in) or relationships in general which are not of much value to you. I am not necessarily suggesting that you ought to break up with who you are with as much as consider the possibility of redefining the relationship in terms of expectations and time, in a way which makes it feel like an added value to your life rather than a sacrifice.

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Growing up I never envisioned myself getting married or having children, because there are so many other things I value more

Why exactly did you include this part in your post? I mean, those are not necessarily objectives for all romantic relationships, although they are very common objectives. To some extent it would seem, based on your post, that you haven't really thought about relationships beyond the terms most people see them in. Maybe you have, so correct me if I'm wrong.

I would definitely say it is morally okay to choose to not be in a relationship. I assume here you mean to choose not to be in any kind of romantic relationship at all. Probably a little odd, but perfectly fine. But I'm not sure why you'd want to think in those terms. Either you find someone you like, or you don't. Perhaps in your case it's just a matter of you not desiring to actively search rather than just having no desire whatsoever? That's a possibility.

However, my constant struggle has been attempting to balance my interests and goals with relationship stuff, and I’m at the breaking point

In what way is there a conflict between your interests and goals with relationship stuff? What in particular? No sort of relationship - if it's a good one - should cause conflict with your own goals. If anything, there should be mutually beneficial goals, that helps all parties involved.

But I recognize that being with him— or anyone else— prevents me from achieving what I want to do.

Why do you say being with anyone else prevents you from achieving what you want to do? Even if you highly value your alone time - what you seem to have emphasized throughout the post - that isn't really a problem.

I do “like” and care about him.

Is it not an option to maintain just a close friendship?

Societal influences are starting to sway me into thinking I “should” be in a relationship

Can you maybe explain what a relationship makes you think of? What does the word "relationship" mean to you? Maybe you're also accepting the very common norms of relationships in general: a goal of getting married and having kids, "looking" for others to date, going on dates in order to meet potential mates, or any sort of variety of things. (Personally, even little things regarding stereotypical relationships plain bug me, like how the guy is implied to be the one who buys chocolates, flowers, or jewelry for his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, and never/rarely the other way around. That's a tangent though!). Or maybe you think of relationships differently than that?

I want the freedom to be able to hike in a secluded forest for a week without anyone knowing where I am

I don't see why anyone would say that is childish. It's not like if you're in a relationship you have to be with your mate at every waking moment. If you get immense value from going into a secluded for a week, I say go for it. Just because you don't tell anyone where you are doesn't mean you don't value them or that you abandoned them.

Those are just ideas to consider. But still, there is no moral obligation to be in a romantic relationship, it's really an optional value. Of course, as you meet people, you should consider the degree of closeness to be had, just because even friendships can be immensely beneficial to all parties involved.

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I want the freedom to be able to hike in a secluded forest for a week without anyone knowing where I am;

This is foolish. 127 Hours is a movie dramatizing Aron Ralston's ordeal of becoming trapped in a remote canyon for days because he did not tell anyone where he was going. He would have died there if he had not summoned the will to first break and then amputate his own arm. That is a hard way to learn a lesson.

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This is foolish. 127 Hours is a movie dramatizing Aron Ralston's ordeal of becoming trapped in a remote canyon for days because he did not tell anyone where he was going. He would have died there if he had not summoned the will to first break and then amputate his own arm. That is a hard way to learn a lesson.

Pretty obvious someone here doesn't have much wilderness experience, eh? :lol:

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So, is it morally OK to not really value relationships, as long as I dedicate myself to pursuits that I truly enjoy and value?

Definitely.

Am I missing something by not forcing myself to “grow” by being in relationships that prevent me from reaching my potentials in other areas of life?

Here that anxiety is showing.:) Not being tough on you - I've known about anxiety: it's like being at a party, and not enjoying yourself because you might be missing a 'better' party somewhere else.

Experience in relationships does not mean one gets better at relationships, whereas it seems that you are enjoying growth and fulfilment outside of them.

Maybe there are those of us who just lack that togetherness, nurturing side, that is asked of one in a relationship - call it the 'two-some gene', for want of any better term.

Or maybe - and I really dislike that trite "going through a phase" sentiment - it will become more significant in your future.

Either way, don't be pressured into anything, and be honest to your self, as you are doing.

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Everything you've said about yourself makes me think that you're a great person. Don't listen to what the therapists say about being "childish" and being "accountable to others". You should continue to be independent, and pursue your own happiness, productivity, and self-interest. I admire the fact that you value your freedom so highly. (Statements like that one about being able to go hiking without anyone knowing makes me think that.)

I'm single as well, and though I get lonely sometimes, I like it this way simply because I don't know any girls I admire enough to want to commit to a relationship with them. (None that are open to that idea with me anyway.) I could try something romantic with some girl I don't admire if I wanted to, but I wouldn't want to be clung to by someone that I ultimately would probably not want to be stuck with.

Having a relationship with someone can add a lot of value to a person's life, but if it's getting in the way of your happiness rather than bringing you happiness, then it sounds like it's simply not meant to be. True love isn't just about being "together" and short-term pleasures such as watching TV and making out. True love is something you feel for someone you admire. Someone whose character brings you such joy that they become an important value in your life.

In your relationship with your boyfriend, are you feeling "trapped", so to speak, because you're imposing obligations on yourself? IE, do you feel like you "have to" balance your relationship stuff with your personal goals? If you really do care about him and want to stay "with" him, try not to fall into the trap of thinking you have to do anything with him. Do things with him because you want to or think they're good for you, not out of a sense of obligation. If you're feeling trapped, work it out with him so that you can have your freedom to wander as you see fit and come back to him when you want. I think that if a couple is really good for each other, they shouldn't have to hold on to each other; they should both be able to let the other be free, knowing that they'll come back willingly.

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So, is it morally OK to not really value relationships, as long as I dedicate myself to pursuits that I truly enjoy and value? Am I missing something by not forcing myself to “grow” by being in relationships that prevent me from reaching my potentials in other areas of life?

If you don't see a value in something, then it shouldn't be very high in your hierarchy of values. So I don't see anything wrong with your position. I wouldn't put anything on the back burner for the sake of something of lesser value. But, really, I don't see how your relationship with your boyfriend is such a big deal; it doesn't seem, based on your brief description, to be very involved and time consuming.

However, I do think that relationships can be of value. I personally don't have very many close relationships, yet I still seek them. Maybe what the therapists or counselors are getting at is that you should be seeking value from many things, and it would be inappropriate to simply shut out social relationships, and, if you are doing this, it may be due to some sort of underlying issue that they want to help you with.

As far as your statement about wanting "the freedom to be able to hike in a secluded forest for a week without anyone knowing where [you're at]," I don't see anything wrong with this. It kind of a romantic--in an adventurous way--idea or plan. Really, one of the benefits of not being in a relationship is this sort of activity, where one can do just about whatever, whenever. I routinely go places without telling anyone, and, concerning nature, I plan on taking a solo hiking trip in the Minnesota Boundary Waters when things warm up. Some docudrama, (127 hours), isn't going to change my mind about that.

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I routinely go places without telling anyone, and, concerning nature, I plan on taking a solo hiking trip in the Minnesota Boundary Waters when things warm up. Some docudrama, (127 hours), isn't going to change my mind about that.

If you don't post for six months, we'll alert the authorities as to what general area you bones might be recovered from, if worse comes to worse. That is, if the animals haven't scattered them. :lol:

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They all suggest that it’s impossible to truly prefer being alone

:blink:

This not only goes against known developments/discoveries in psychology, but in science. It greatly disturbs me that several therapists have suggested this, including an Objectivist one.

Edited by CapitalistSwine
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If you don't post for six months, we'll alert the authorities as to what general area you bones might be recovered from, if worse comes to worse. That is, if the animals haven't scattered them. :lol:

haha. I think I have gone without posting for six months numerous times, so I don't think that will be a good standard. :) See, I think, where that guy that cut his arm off failed, is with him not bringing along a camcorder. Instead of making a docudrama, he could have made an authentic, autobiographical documentary; or, at the least, had created a viral YouTube video.

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Thanks, everyone, for your insights. I realized I had to respond sooner than later so that no-one thinks I have died in the forest. :-)

aequalsa said:

Especially if the unenjoyable aspects are related at all to the unpredictability and lack of control that another volitional entity brings into your life.

...

consider the possibility of redefining the relationship in terms of expectations and time, in a way which makes it feel like an added value to your life rather than a sacrifice.

Well, some of the unenjoyable aspects have been related to things along those lines-- personality and lifestyle differences that I suspect any couple would have to compromise about (putting away dishes vs. leaving them dirty in the sink, different wake/sleep cycles). It's true that I strongly want to favor my routine and my way of doing things, so dealing with my BF's way of doing things has been quite trying at times. But the main issue is the second part you mention; it makes me shudder to realize how much a relationship feels like a sacrifice of my interests rather than an added value in my life. :-(

Eiuol said:

Why exactly did you include this part [[getting married and having children]] in your post? I mean, those are not necessarily objectives for all romantic relationships, although they are very common objectives.

I favor long-term goals over short-term pleasure (this is one of my faults; it is hard for me to enjoy myself in the moment); so I don't see "the point" of a relationship if it doesn't progress to a life-long commitment. It would feel to me like a waste of time to invest so much effort, energy, and emotion into something without the possibility that it would progress to something permanently worthwhile.

In what way is there a conflict between your interests and goals with relationship stuff? What in particular? No sort of relationship - if it's a good one - should cause conflict with your own goals. If anything, there should be mutually beneficial goals, that helps all parties involved.

The conflict primarily involves time. If I want to be in a woodwind quintet I need to practice, attend rehearsals, and give performances. If I want to write music I need to have quiet time alone to reflect. If I want to run a business I need to make my products, process orders, and ship things to the post office, etc. All of this is time that takes away from spending time with my BF. When I do see my BF I am often tired from my day job or from another interest (running). But it is not his fault that I want to rest, so he should not be punished for my choices-- so I push myself to try to be energetic and interested in him. This makes me feel more tired, and then I am unable to successfully pursue my interests when I go home. Even aside from getting worn out, just the time itself spent with my BF detracts from time spent on artistic/productive goals. I see the two as mutually exclusive-- or else as a compromise that leaves me mediocre in both areas.

To some of the others who commented on safety concerns about hiking in a secluded forest-- it was kind of a joke example, and in reality I WOULD notify my BF, my parents, etc. I just resent feeling obligated to do so, and, based on my understanding of a committed relationship, I would be obligated so that others wouldn't be worried about me.

Amaroq, I really appreciate what you wrote.

In your relationship with your boyfriend, are you feeling "trapped", so to speak, because you're imposing obligations on yourself?

This is EXACTLY what it is. He and I have talked about it ad nauseum, and he says it is OK for me to take personal time even though he'd rather I be spending it with him. But somehow I've got the thought that, in order to meet the criteria of a good GF, I must be ready and waiting at my BF's command. I feel guilty for taking time to do my own things. Shouldn't I want to help him in his pursuits? Shouldn't I want to spend time with him? And if I'd rather be working on my own pursuits than spending time with him, doesn't it mean I value my own pursuits more than the relationship, in which case I shouldn't be in a relationship?!

To everyone:

Many people on this forum, people on Objectivist dating sites like the Atlasphere, and Objectivist therapists, believe there can be great value in good relationships. Could you please describe what values you have enjoyed from being in a committed romantic relationship? When I think deeply about this I discover I can't come up with anything, and can only see drawbacks, like reduced time spent on my projects, and having to accommodate someone else's schedule and routine.

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But the main issue is the second part you mention; it makes me shudder to realize how much a relationship feels like a sacrifice of my interests rather than an added value in my life. :-(

I favor long-term goals over short-term pleasure (this is one of my faults; it is hard for me to enjoy myself in the moment); so I don't see "the point" of a relationship if it doesn't progress to a life-long commitment. It would feel to me like a waste of time to invest so much effort, energy, and emotion into something without the possibility that it would progress to something permanently worthwhile.

The conflict primarily involves time. If I want to be in a woodwind quintet I need to practice, attend rehearsals, and give performances. If I want to write music I need to have quiet time alone to reflect. If I want to run a business I need to make my products, process orders, and ship things to the post office, etc. All of this is time that takes away from spending time with my BF. When I do see my BF I am often tired from my day job or from another interest (running). But it is not his fault that I want to rest, so he should not be punished for my choices-- so I push myself to try to be energetic and interested in him. This makes me feel more tired, and then I am unable to successfully pursue my interests when I go home. Even aside from getting worn out, just the time itself spent with my BF detracts from time spent on artistic/productive goals. I see the two as mutually exclusive-- or else as a compromise that leaves me mediocre in both areas.

.

This is EXACTLY what it is. He and I have talked about it ad nauseum, and he says it is OK for me to take personal time even though he'd rather I be spending it with him. But somehow I've got the thought that, in order to meet the criteria of a good GF, I must be ready and waiting at my BF's command. I feel guilty for taking time to do my own things. Shouldn't I want to help him in his pursuits? Shouldn't I want to spend time with him? And if I'd rather be working on my own pursuits than spending time with him, doesn't it mean I value my own pursuits more than the relationship, in which case I shouldn't be in a relationship?!

To everyone:

Many people on this forum, people on Objectivist dating sites like the Atlasphere, and Objectivist therapists, believe there can be great value in good relationships. Could you please describe what values you have enjoyed from being in a committed romantic relationship? When I think deeply about this I discover I can't come up with anything, and can only see drawbacks, like reduced time spent on my projects, and having to accommodate someone else's schedule and routine.

It's becoming apparent that you don't want a relationship. The value in having one can never involve 'sacrifice", "compromise", and 'guilt."

I'm sure you realise this yourself, and that all you are doing is creating self-conflict.

The value in romance stems from what it adds to your life, while a dutiful relationship, detracts.

What's wrong with being alone? I believe it's a completely moral choice.

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I favor long-term goals over short-term pleasure

Marriage isn't the only way to have a long-term relationship was my point, and to me it was strange that you bothered mentioning marriage in there and having kids. A long-term relationship is not lessened if there is not marriage involved as a goal. I'm personally not even in favor of marriage for myself.

so I push myself to try to be energetic and interested in him.

Do you and your boyfriend have extremely different careers? You make it sound like your professional lives are in entirely different spheres of life. I would say there is no value in a relationship whatsoever if you have to separate your life to such a degree that your own pursuits are on one end, and a relationship on the other. At the very least there shouldn't be conflict there if you're trying to pursue your own happiness. I don't think you can generalize this sort of conflict to all relationships. A relationship and career don't *have* to be mutually exclusive in the sense you describe.

And if I'd rather be working on my own pursuits than spending time with him, doesn't it mean I value my own pursuits more than the relationship, in which case I shouldn't be in a relationship?!

Why do you go from saying "the relationship" to then "a relationship"? If you'd rather spend time on your pursuits than the relationship, then I'd be probably say that you shouldn't be in the relationship. What I mean by "shouldn't be" is that a romantic relationship might not be the best option. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be in *a* relationship, just not this one maybe.

Many people on this forum, people on Objectivist dating sites like the Atlasphere, and Objectivist therapists, believe there can be great value in good relationships.

I can't give really specific and concrete advice in this regard, but one thing I've found immensely beneficial is reading the sections on friendship in Nicomachean Ethics by Aristotle. There's quite a bit written. Even though it's about friendship, many of the ideas could easily be applied to romantic relationships.

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I know that although I would like to have a romantic relationship again in the future, I would sooner go to my grave not having had one, than to have one with the wrong person.

It sounds like this one is the wrong person (though not nearly as wrong as the one I just got out of).

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It's true that I strongly want to favor my routine and my way of doing things, so dealing with my BF's way of doing things has been quite trying at times. But the main issue is the second part you mention; it makes me shudder to realize how much a relationship feels like a sacrifice of my interests rather than an added value in my life. :-(

I feel like you are viewing relationships in an inaccurately dichotomous way. That your choices are either to sacrifice massive amounts of time and energy to have a relationship or to not make that sacrifice and not have that relationship. There is no particular rules about what relationship has to look like outside of what you decide for yourselves. A relationship can as easily be someone you sleep with every three weeks as it can be a spiritual 7-11. As a thought experiment, maybe, consider at what point of investment the relationship would feel worthwhile. If you only got to have human contact one day a year and the other 364 would be spent working alone on a desert island, would you enjoy that day away from your projects? If yes, then slowly add days until the amount of time seems right for your enjoyment.

Once you figure that out you can present it to him as what you are currently able and willing to contribute to the relationship. And of course, he can make his own choice about whether that is enough of a relationship for him. i for one would rather spend 1 afternoon every two weeks with someone who wanted to be with me than every hour of everyday with someone who felt obligated to hold my hand. That would make me shudder.

To everyone:

Many people on this forum, people on Objectivist dating sites like the Atlasphere, and Objectivist therapists, believe there can be great value in good relationships. Could you please describe what values you have enjoyed from being in a committed romantic relationship? When I think deeply about this I discover I can't come up with anything, and can only see drawbacks, like reduced time spent on my projects, and having to accommodate someone else's schedule and routine.

I am taking you literally here but I have trouble imagining that you literally only see drawbacks.

Since your other activities are things that you value highly, they might make an apt comparison. If you hear a symphony or some other piece of music that you like, that you value, then it has some mixture of qualities that elicit joy for you. The sound washes over you and makes you feel a certain way, you admire the thought and energy that went into making it, or maybe it connects to your own past experiences.

I suggest that other human lives are the same. The individual that someone creates out of their lives can be worthy of that same consideration, and like a song that you enjoy, a thirty second clip isn't enough. You want to listen to it all the way through, maybe over and over again. You admire how much work and focus was required for them to exist. That the things in them, that you are attracted to, are fruit born from some morality or set of standards that they hold themselves to. It's something you want in your life because its very existence brings you pleasure and being reminded of it consistently helps you more often feel the way we are supposed to.

There's enough reasons to write a book but that's the essential for me. They make my life taste better.

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- I have issues with anxiety and OCD, ...

THIS is what caught my eye. Your body (brain is part of the body) is telling you something important, and it sounds as if the therapists you have visited have a tin ear.

I would take the time to let go of whatever old tensions have wound you up. It is likely a cumulative effect, across your whole lifetime, like winding up a clock spring. You probably can't even piece together why you feel it, but there it is. There is a residue in your body which is affecting your mind -- even though it is likely that the problem started in the mind, e.g., from holding to contradictory standards that you may have inherited from parents or society without critical thought when you were too young to know better. Or maybe it was a combination of illness or disease of the body, coupled with a young, pliant, receptive mind that didn't know any better than to push stress away until it has built up into a chronic tension that won't unwind itself without a lifestyle change.

I recommend getting your stress worked out, preferably with physical means such as accupressure instead of meds (hope you aren't on those, but if so, try to wean yourself slowly but surely -- don't take risks, but don't take meds long term either -- they degrade your cognitive machinery when you need it most.

Once you have cleared up a good bit of the tension (yes it is imminently possible in my experience), you will have way more "space" in your life. At which point, I'd guess your beau will fall by the wayside, but maybe not -- but in any case, you will be in better position to choose a lover, and love them -- if you choose to.

As long as the tension is there, you will likely have a tendency to emotionally "hiccup", which may lead you to behave rashly under pressure or when bored. It's not really fair to expose another to your pent-up frustrations, but if you have been direct an honest with your beau, then it is his choice and you can't be too worried about his feelings -- you can't feel for him no matter how good your imagination, and so let him deal with his feelings.

If you DO break it off with him, try relaxing into yourself before setting off on another romantic adventure. You'll get a lot done professionally in the down time, but if you also take the time to give yourself some seemingly much needed attention, you'll discover you are much more capable of juggling professional and personal items. Then, make your own decision, and don't apologize if that is to remain single.

Don't neglect your sexual needs for too long, either -- assuming you have a normal sex drive, letting it rust won't help your tension.

So that was all over the map, but I have suffered extreme tension to the point of paralysis for more than a decade, and only recently have I discovered that the root issue is philosophical, and hence emotional, in that my old emotional responses were automated by default against other people's philosophy, and my body/mind chose to push the contradictions into my body instead of letting them impact cognition too much. So my mind stayed alert, if "type A"; and my body became sick. But, that is better than the inverse, "healthy" body with sick mind -- and easier to cure. I guess your tension could be bled off from your body, making room for your mind to dump more on the body, and then rinse and repeat until you bleed it all off.

This may require taking time off from your busy schedule, maybe a sabbatical -- from relationships, too. You need to find out what is the root of your imbalance and correct it, then give the refreshed you a chance to "accumulate".

Ask yourself: what do I feel? why do I feel it? until it becomes almost automated. If you can't understand why you feel the way you do, then you have some work to do. But it is worth it, I promise.

Try this simple technique which I discovered, just before you go to bed: soak your feet in the hottest water you can stand for 30 minutes, with a mild cold pack on top of your head to induce convection currents from your feet on up. You should sweat more or less profusely from your face by the end of the 30 minutes -- if not, you may want to have your glandulars checked out, unless you are genetically pre-disposed to not sweat (can that really happen?). So simple, but so effective at relieving ambient stress. Good for minor tooth problems, too.

I am more and more convinced that, for rational adults with chronic pains or dis-eases, the non-invasive physical therapy route is the simplest and safest way to work the kinks out. Only if that fails would I suggest stronger measures.

And that is enough of that, even for me ... 8)

- ico

Edited by icosahedron
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I know that although I would like to have a romantic relationship again in the future, I would sooner go to my grave not having had one, than to have one with the wrong person.

It sounds like this one is the wrong person (though not nearly as wrong as the one I just got out of).

"The wrong outfit can ruin your day; the wrong person can kill you!"

- ico

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I have issues with anxiety and OCD,

I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist, or even just your physician, about these issues. Either one of them can prescribe a host of different things to treat both of these issues. I have dealt with both of these issues, as well as major depression, and medications (currently fluoexetine) has helped me greatly. With a psychiatrist you could also discuss things like you would a therapist, which will help cover the things that may not be covered sufficiently by the medication, if they feel that you should be on any to begin with. Just make sure you find a good one, the visits will pay for themselves in non-monetary ways.

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