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I'm madly in love with a woman I can't have

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I've recently fallen rather head over heels for a woman who is 14 years my junior. She is outrageously beautiful and has dazzling wit and creativity and a sense of life that I'm insanely attracted to. The problems are that I'm too old for her (in my own opinion) and that she would probably be out of my league even if that were not the case. She is so beautiful that I can't get anything done because I just sit here and stare at her pictures fantasizing all day. Is the fact that I will never have sex with her proof of the malevolent universe premise? What's the point of being alive if I can't have a girl like that? I know the stuff I'm saying seems immature but I haven't had a crush this bad since the sixth grade and the situation is really messing with my mind. How do I regain my sanity?

Edited by I <3 b00bs and coffee
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"What's the point of being alive if I can't have a girl like that?"

If you need to have her in order for life to be worth living, how did you ever get along all those years without her?

Probing questions that I think are important:

1. Have you dated women before?

2. Have you kissed and/or slept with women?

3. Have you made women laugh ("with you", not "at you", of course)?

4. How do you know her? Does she know you? This is VERY important.

5. Are you as enamored of your OWN sense of life?

6. Are you happy with your work life?

These are just a few. More information is always helpful.

You are fundamentally right in one way: if you keep fawning over her pictures, you will never have her. How do you have access to her pictures, btw? (this ties in with how you know her, and whether she knows you.)

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A good distinction to make is between love and infatuation. Love is the identification of your highest values in another. Infatuation is the (temporary) projection of your values onto another based on a few positive traits you've observed.

You mention her wit, sense of life, etc., but are you sure you arn't projecting some of that based on her looks-- the "halo effect"? There are 3.4 billion women on the planet and I'm guessing this special girl is not as special as you think (unless she reads OPAR *and* models). Keeping that in mind should help you regain a proper relationship to reality.

Of course, maybe she is that great (my gf is : ) ), so I'd reccomend asking her out if the context is appropriate. IF THE CONTEXT IS APPROPRIATE (she doesn't work for you, isn't a minor, you are both single, etc, etc). By all means, find out if you are right for each other.

Whether it works out or not, failing to sleep with any particular woman doesn't prove the universe is hostile to your existence (malevolent). If anything, the existence of these creatures proves the benevolent universe. Remember that only the concept of failure makes the possiblity of success possible. Can you even project a world where every cupid-struck joe get's the first dream girl to cross his path?

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There are two potentially rational ways to handle this, depending on the circumstances: give her a chance to decide for herself whether she's out of your league, or just move on with your life by never seeing her (or looking at another picture, finding out what she's doing, etc).

Everything in between is just irrational indulgence. Oh and if she's an adult then the age difference is not important. The societal taboo about adults of different ages dating is nonsense, you should ignore it completely.

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Why is the age difference a problem? Are you sure any problems can't be worked out?

Why are you even thinking that she's out of your league? Have you actually tried pursuing her?

How about just going for it? Tell her what you like about her: play, tease, flirt and just flat out tell her what you want.

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Russel Brand wanna be?

Tim Minchin is not a Russel Brand wannabe. Tim Minchin is an Australian comedian who is also an immensely talented musician, and he melds the two into one poignant and hilarious ear/mind-gasm.

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4chan: hey guys let's troll the Objectivists

The name really did it for me. I mean, I like a woman's endowments and coffee as much as the next guy but I would hardly introduce myself that way.

On the small chance this is legitimate here is two pieces of advice I give the kids I work with:

  • If you don’t try the answer is automatically no.
  • Do you know how many times Babe Ruth missed the ball? Exactly. Swing for the fence!

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What's the point of being alive if I can't have a girl like that?

Some of the things you say, reminds me of a little of Werther and his feelings toward Lotte in Goethe's The Sorrows of Young Werther. (Catherine Hutter translation)

Get a grip on yourself man. This sounds like obsession, staring at pics fantasizing all day, and not simply a crush. If she is someone out of your league, either get in that league, or get out of that game and go play somewhere else. Staying in the stands and admiring is fine, but not obsessing. If you can't have her, can't fuck her, can't be with her, then you have to come to terms with that so you don't lose all your marbles over her.

I have seen plenty of people online that just can't get girls they want, or ones at all, either they become bitter towards women, or simply come to terms with it on their own somehow. Some even buy dolls (like 4woods http://aidoll.4woods.jp/, Sinthetics, RealDolls, etc.) which I think is one rational alternative. But before I go off topic with that, I would never hold it against any of them, if they weren't attracted to me, because of my looks, personality, mind, etc. Just like I wouldn't want them to hold it against me if I am not attracted to them for whatever reason.

If you are unable to come to terms with the situation on your own, I would highly suggest seeking help from mental health care professionals. Wouldn't want you to catch Werther Fever, as it's fatal. Get well and soon.

Edited by intellectualammo
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