Shortcomings and self-esteem

[happiness]

I'm not suggesting that this applies to me personally, but it rational to feel bad about one's shortcomings? If one is unattractive, untalented inadequate in some way, should he feel badly about it, not because he isn't good enough to be admired by others, but because he isn't good enough to admire himself?

Edited October 29, 2012 by happiness

[JASKN]

I think the classic line, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference," fixes the various problems related to self-evaluation. If you are capable of doing more but are doing less, you will automatically evaluate yourself in a negative way. On the other hand, if you are doing great by rational measures but hold unrealistic standards for yourself, you will also evaluate yourself poorly.

So to take your unattractive example, if it's something you cannot change, whether literally like height or due to economic shortcomings as with a nose fix, you can't get down about that -- it's metaphysical! But if you're unattractive and also dress like a slob and don't get your hair cut, any negative feelings you have toward yourself are justified, since these are things you can easily change.

Edited October 29, 2012 by JASKN

[intellectualammo]

he isn't good enough to admire himself?

Being rational about one thinking that one is not good enough to admire oneself, one must work on making oneself admirable then. That, I think, would be the rational thing to do, instead of just feeling badly about oneself, do something about it to the capacity in which you can. This would clearly be a self-esteem related evaluation of not being worthy of admiring oneself. Work on self-esteem, build up ones moral character, BECOME admirable to oneself. Work on what isnt admirable and change it.

Edited October 31, 2012 by intellectualammo

[JASKN]

Work on self-esteem, build up ones moral character, BECOME admirable to oneself. Work on what isnt admirable and change it.

Of course, this is *not* easy. It is a lengthy, difficult process of first recognizing and honestly evaluating yourself, then having the integrity and courage to do real-life things which, you hope, will affect you positively, though there is a risk it will not because you are mistaken, or that the results will be less than you hoped for. Discouragement will be mixed with bursts of pleasure, and perspective will be difficult to maintain sometimes.

The simple statement, "I think you should just get different self esteem!" really short changes the enormous time and effort behind the process of actually achieving higher self esteem.

[intellectualammo]

The simple statement, "I think you should just get different self esteem!" really short changes the enormous time and effort behind the process of actually achieving higher self esteem.

Right, the time it takes one to change ones thinking patterns and such, will indeed vary person to person.

Also, after having just read again Tara Smith's Ayn Rands Normative Ethics: The Virtuous Egoist, the virtue of pride deals with such matters of esteeming oneself and moral abitiousness, moral perfection. The book itself can help one stregthen ones moral character too

Edited October 31, 2012 by intellectualammo

[JMeganSnow]

That, I think, would be the rational thing to do, instead of just feeling badly about oneself, do something about it to the capacity in which you can.

Perfectionism can be a huge problem in this area, because it will crush any motivation you can find to make improvements by telling you "I can't be perfect so why should I make any effort at all!? *Sob*". Perfectionism is a jerk. A loud, obnoxious, buzzkilling JERK.

So, it may help that if you find yourself dwelling on your failure to be perfect, tell Mr. P to STFU. Jerk. Then be proud of yourself for doing the right thing. It may not make you feel better about whatever you imagine is wrong with your chin, but at least you'll feel good for doing the right thing and telling Mr. P to STFU.

Edit: P.S. I find it helps to deal with perfectionism problems by making jokes about it. Nothing decreases the impact of a bad mental habit like turning it into a joke.

Edited November 20, 2012 by JMeganSnow
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