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Audio: Women Who "Settle" For Men They Don't Love

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Here's an excerpt from a Webinar I hosted recently, in which I talked about the phenomenon of a woman settling for a man whom she's not deeply in love with.

In the segment, I explain why men tend to be solipsists in romance, focusing predominantly on their own emotions, while being largely oblivious to the feelings of a woman: (6 minutes)


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  • 2 weeks later...

Following the Webinar from which the above audio is excerpted, several listeners asked me if I had read Lori Gottlieb's Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. I had not, but I ordered it and recently received it.

I'm reading the book now, and don't want to say much until I've finished it. But the fact that this book has been published (by New American Library), and according to the cover is a national bestseller, ought to give men at least a moment’s pause.

Until now, most of the books which address this topic have been strongly anti-settling. Gottlieb's is the first to my knowledge which takes a pro-settling stance.

Naturally, the book addresses itself heterosexual women. Most straight men don't read books about relationships, and settling is an almost exclusively female phenomenon.

The few chapters I’ve read have been interesting, albeit disheartening and somewhat depressing.

When I first saw the book’s cover and read its full title, I couldn’t help but wonder: Does Mr. Good Enough know that he’s 'Mr. Good Enough'? Does the woman who follows Gottlieb’s advice ever say to the man whom she will vow to spend the rest of her life with: "I'm settling for you, darling"?

Gottlieb is a cogent writer, and I look forward to seeing how she addresses this extremely critical issue in her bestselling book.

Edited by Kevin Delaney
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