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Qualifying Your Romantic Prospects

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(This is an article I wrote for my romantic advice blog for men — The Leading Man.)

 

In sales & marketing, there's an important concept known as "qualifying the prospect."

 

If you own a company that sells sailboat accessories, a list of 10,000 random names & addresses will likely not be of much use to you. Most people don't own sailboats, and therefore won't have much interest in what you're selling.

 

But a list of people who have bought a sailboat within the last year could be extremely valuable to you. These are pre-qualified leads — people who fall reasonably within the category of those who might be receptive to your offer.

 

It's the same with women. A lot of pick-up artist hooey to the contrary, no man is so irresistible or so skilled at "seduction" that he can make any woman fall for him.

 

Many women are already in relationships; they're emotionally committed to someone else. You do not stand a glimmer of a hope with them.

 

Of the women who are single, many simply won't find you especially attractive. It's nothing against you, it just means that for whatever reason, you aren't that particular woman's "type."

 

A certain number of women, however, will come to like you very soon after meeting you. They'll appreciate your looks, enjoy your personality, and be open to getting to know you better.

 

They'll experience the emotion of intrigue in your presence.

 

These are your qualified leads. These are the women you can select among, and proceed to work your romantic magic on.

 

Too many men waste too much time & energy chasing after hopeless dreams. We tend to get wrapped up in our own feelings of attraction — often discounting, rationalizing, or ignoring the way a woman is responding to us.

 

Some guys even thrive on resistance and challenge. If a woman isn't giving them the kind of response they want, they'll amp up their game even more.

 

There's an old saying: Men do the picking, but women do the choosing. As a man, you may only pick from among women who have (emotionally) chosen you.

 

The good news is, if a woman has "pre-qualified" you in this way, and assuming that you are also attracted to her, then it's definitely possible to turn her initial intrigue and positive impressions into eventual romantic passion.

 

© 2013 Kevin Delaney

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I mostly disagree with this. Sure, it's a good idea not to pursue dead ends. But...

 

Assume attraction. It's not a matter of inflating your ego, just a matter of self esteem. If you're an awesome guy, of course women will be attracted to you. Work based on that assumption, until you're proven wrong.

 

Not every woman will want you, for many different reasons, but with that assumption you'll display a confidence which is very attractive.

 

Ask yourself what YOU think of the woman, not what she thinks of you. One of the most common mistakes guys make is to worry far too much about what she thinks of you. Then they hook up with the first one that shows them any real interest. This often leads to dissaster since the guy never actually stopped to think about her character. And, when he worries too much about what she thinks, he'll try and please her.

 

Don't worry if she likes you or not, if she's available or any of those things. Do you like her? Go for it. You'll find out soon enough if she wants to be with you.

 

Many relationships start with resistance and challenge.

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