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The Danger of Appearing Needy in a Relationship

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(This is an article I wrote for my romantic advice blog for men — The Leading Man.)


When a woman first begins to date a man, she tends to have two major concerns about him.


One is the question of whether or not he is trustworthy. Will she be able to rely on him? Can he be counted on to be there for her when she needs him?


The second worry is whether or not he will be needy and clingy in the relationship.


Virtually all women have had experiences with men who at first seemed great, only to eventually reveal themselves to be children looking for a mother.


The last thing a rational woman wants is to feel that she has to take care of a man — that she is somehow responsible for his emotional well-being.


When a man lacks maturity, and particularly when he lacks a strong career orientation in his life, he will often look to relationships with women to fill an emotional void.


This type of man is not able to bring confident, inspiring masculine energy into a woman's life. Although she might initially feel attracted to him, over time he becomes a pest.


For this reason, many women will drop a guy cold at the first sign of insecurity or "mama-seeking."


In the early stages of getting to know a woman, it's extremely important that she get the impression that you are a vital man living an exciting, full life; that you are emotionally independent and psychologically whole.


Demonstrate this to her, by doing the opposite of what needy men do:


  Be the one to end conversations first. Attractive women are used to guys trying to talk their ears off.


  In the beginning especially, limit yourself to seeing her no more than once per week. (If she wants to get together more often than that, tell her you'd like to, but your schedule does not permit.)


  Keep your dates short. When you're having fun, don't allow it to go on all night.


  Reveal information about yourself gradually. Let her work to pull it out of you.


  Keep your demeanor upbeat and positive at all times. Do not burden a woman by talking about your problems.


  Never brag or boast, even in a subtle, implied way.


  Don't be in a rush to get into an exclusive relationship!


© 2013 Kevin Delaney

Edited by Kevin Delaney
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